March 10, 2024

labyrinth of my past

i got called to jury duty. technically, i received a letter. ive always thought "well that could be interesting!" but now that i realise the reality of it, less so. i have no idea how long i'll be off work and how to plan for that AND i'll lose MONEY... so im less pleased. they reimburse up to 65gbp per day which really wont cover my losses... anyway, its happening. i hope it will be interesting AND short.

i have my birthday in a couple days. ive been thinking of myself as a 44 yr old for like a month already so wont really feel different. not sure why i took a headstart. just realised maybe i should get a birthday present for myself? i have everything though. maybe some

my trip to finland was slightly different from the usual. i spent the first week with Raissa & Aleks, being a "tourist guide" and a bit of a tourist myself - visited helsinki cathedral for the first time, among other things. learned new stuff like how old is helsinki, lol. the night train to rovaniemi was nice (and day train back to helsinki even more so) and there, we enjoyed plenty of sauna, incl snow sauna at the ice hotel, and santa claus village etc. in helsinki i spent less time than usual so didnt get to meet all my friends but i will return soon enough, so..

ice hotel restaurant


a sexy "igloo" room at the ice hotel - all the rooms have different designs
brunch in rovaniemi

night train (12h)

 day train (8.5h) - above the restaurant car, perfect view and spot to work.

 

Oodi library - loved the design and atmosphere.

Kiila restaurant staircase

my chill sunday. listening to Leonard Cohen and looking at the rain outside. its hard to focus on one thing so i spread my reading time over 3 diff books. read the first 30 pages of a finnish book (on the history of beauty ideals and who's defined them) that Eufemia gifted to me - spot on in my alley. i keep reading bits of The Authority Gap again and again. and then im slowly pushing through What We Owe Each Other: A New Social Contract cos its a bit heavy.

 cute new-ish bar in helsinki, Struts, with a nice queer vibe.

womens day was this friday - i received flowers from work. despite some heartbreaking setbacks here and there, overall it gets better being a woman year by year on this planet.


what else happened past few weeks... i kept raving about Poor Things to everyone, ate salmon almost daily, am planning a house party and started taking on new responsibilities at work (project coordination related).

songs im loving lately (spotify links)
Lykke Li: Gunshot
Kristin Amparo: I've Seen The Devil
Les Deux Love Orchestra: The Moth & The Flame

found this holiday snap from my phone and went "f*** thats hot". i feel lucky. 


February 14, 2024

bad girls

i was out to buy something in the late afternoon and every second man i saw was carrying a bouquet of roses. ah, its valentines day, so makes sense. i forgot about the whole thing and ordered a grocery delivery for tonight. dr forgot as well, he is even less interested than me. now he is ordering take away though. im just keen on maybe getting to watch The Apprentice tonight and do some life admin that i've procrastinated.

a couple days ago i got a new tattoo. its been years and i finally felt inspired again. just took time to get my head around it, find the right artist etc. by chance the one i found (volkan demirci) is turkish and we had a good chat about the bars in kadiköy etc - we have enjoyed the same areas of istanbul. the tattoo is basically just my thought of how there is a universe inside of everyone. (perhaps an ironic idea, when we are all also just a grain of sand arent we)

last week i was in Toronto to see Hanna and her new home. Carilyn only joined us on wednesday. 3 middle aged women and wine.... we had a blast. i worked monday to wednesday but it was lonely as i could only catch a few afternoon meetings. mostly we just hung out at Hanna's and chilled, the purpose was to catch up on things really. also before Carilyn's arrival we watched True Detective S1 - which i had not seen (it was on my list, just never got around to it).

and we played Bad People of course. harsh truths, lol.

aside from airport, a pub and a couple of restaurants the only thing i saw was the shoe museum which is near Hanna. so this was really truly just a visit to a friend. i did see KPR too one afternoon, its been 18 years so... weird. but he looked pretty much the same. 

Button & Sprung where i got the mattress from sent this sock with it. it said that to receive the pair i should leave an interview. kind of exxtortion... but i was quite happy with everything so i did it. not thay i need more socks but...

im still thinking about Poor Things. Guardian asked several film critics, writers and others to give their thoughts and it was a mixed bag, but very interesting to read.

and finland has a new president. not the one i voted for, but also im realistic and honestly it could be worse. so im just mildly disappointed.

January 28, 2024

a woman plotting her course to freedom

we had a date night last night and went to see Poor Things before a dinner in a nearby Georgian restaurant. i had just watched the trailer but forgotten most of it so i was going almost blind. i have seen  Lanthimos' earlier film Lobster so i did in a way have high expectations. anyway i really loved Poor Things. it was inspiring and feminist and i left the cinema with a smile. how often do we see female main characters whose life goal isn't to be married and whose story doesnt entirely jus depend on "the guy"? also it was sex positive and thought evoking. so, i will be recommending it to everyone. maybe i shouldspend rest of tonight watching another Lanthimos film that i missed previously, like The Killing of a Sacred Deer. ppl have also told me to watch Leave the World Behind.

today was presidential election day in finland, one of those times when its practical to be 2h behind finland, i'll see the results before my bedtime. wow, that makes me sound like such an old person. but sundays are just crucial to setting the tone for the week, going to bed early etc. im sleeping really poorly lately tho, waking up here and there. it was better for a moment but back to shit now. as if my ability to focus wasnt already impaired... being sleep deprived doesnt help. i tink getting 2 separate mattresses did help tho, i feel dr moving less and at least wont wake up to that - as often. 

i voted by mail in the election, but for the 2nd round i'll be in a hurry to post my vote. letters can travel in 3 days between the countries but the finnish post is so notoriously unreliable these days i dont trust it much. it tends to take a week. and its bold to blame the finnish post instead of royal mail, but really, that is where the problem most likely lies. royal mail is one of the (very) few things functioning smoothly in this country. in finland id say its visa versa.

our dinner at The Georgian last night.

another dinner... at The Windmill pub nearby. me and Aseel shared a vegan plate that was huge.

last year me and dr wrote appreciative notes and other positive thoughts and put them in this jar. the other week we sat down and actually read them. a lot of memories came back. it was a nice excercise.

January 13, 2024

grey fur

i have had 2 pilates classes now with our little furball fosters Jerry & Gilbert (weird names?), they love to participate, which is not necessary helpful but is very cute. today i literally had jerry hanging from my leggings with his claws while i was trying pull my leg up. the leggins survived more less, and next saturday i'll be alone again as the boys are going to their forever home tomorrow. i will miss them dearly but theres positives to not having pets, obviously. theyve been such little angels though, just what i needed in my life. little soft babies that i can cuddle. theyre so loving and love to come for attention and petting. its good to get that little bit of kitty energy, feel the soft fur, hear the purr. they are the cutest little things, ive suffered from cute overload...




Larry the single father (for a while)




museum of homelesness looks interesting. 

the "maaate" campaign by London against violence and harassment towards women has been critisized for being too "soft" but i do believe it could prove helpful in a less visible sense, and shouldnt be compared to things like harsher sentencing or police training on the subject etc. its soft mindset shifting that needs to happen and its very visible in the tube and around the city. so while not the mos succesful campaign... its better than nothing and not a replacement for other actions.

our local post office, right across from us, is closing. there was a consultation about it but i feel like it was already decided and so pretty useless.

i get annoyed when things are forced on me. so Klarna is really aggresively trying to take on the market and i see it everywhere. okay. i mean no, i don't want to pay my 5£ tights with a 3 month plan, but im ntot offended at being offered payment options. however just now that i booked an appt somewhere, and they required a 50£ booking fee, the only option was that they send me a Klarna link and i pay through that. okay. EXCEPT, it forced me to create an account, and when i added my card, it just informed me that it'll be saved for future use. like wtf? i was essentially forced into creating an account AND now they hold onto my card details. and when i look at the payment confirmation emails for a link to go to my brand new compulory account (to delete it)t, it has a "view more details in the KLARNA APP" link? not happening. f*** this s***.


suomalainen salatiede

olen etenkin viime vuonna nauttinut Long Playn artikkeleista , joita suosittelen kaikille lämpimästi. viime vuonna kuuntelin ja luin myös jotain suomalaisia kirjoja joista tykkäsin tosi paljon;
Aino Frilander: Los Angeles -esseet
Ari-Joonas Pitkänen et al: Kiina Xi Jingpingin aikakaudella
Järvinen, Kolbe: Sopivia ja sopimattomia - lempi, luokka ja suomalainen parisuhde
Mirja Hämäläinen: Ystävyys
Tommi Uschanov: Kuinka musiikkia käytetään
Häkkinen & Iitti: Valonkantajat - välähdyksiä suomalaisesta salatieteestä
Philip Teir: J&B
Riie Heikkilä et al: Suomalainen maku
Jaakko Tahkokallio: Pimeä aika
(jotkut noista saatoin aloittaa jo 2022, en ole varma)
listan niistä joista en pitänyt, jätän väliin.

(suomalaisten kirjojen) lukulistalla jonossa:
Holmila & Kari: Miksi Venäjä toimii niin kuin se toimii
Tommi Uschanov: Sininen tango
Uschanov & Vartiainen: Keskustelu taloudesta

mä en ymmärrä miks kun on kanavart nimeltään nelonen ja MTV 3(?) ni miks niiden nettipalvelut on nimetty Ruutu ja Katsomo...? wtf? ihan ku niitä ei haluttais yhdistää toisiinsa tai ne olis joku pieni osa jonkun ison yrityksen toimintaa, niinku Discoveryn omistama TV5 tms. - joka varmaan kannattaakin brändätä erikseen suomessa. ja ne on just sitä itseään, eli ohjelmia mitä ne tarjoaa, suorana tai jälkikäteen. voi olla et olen missannu jotain tosi oleellista, mut onko järkee sanoo et katsoin jotain ohjelmaa "neloselta" jos se tuli suoraan telkasta tai "ruudusta" jos palvelun kautta, ihan ku ne olis eri asiat? 

mun pitäs alkaa tekee veroilmoitusta, siksi on helpompi räyhätä ohjelmapalveluiden nimistä.

January 01, 2024

pool dreams

im not into "year wrap up's" but wanting to quickly go through 2023 anyway. i became a british citizen which is probably the biggest event. i (we) started fostering cats, continuing that in 2024. my step sister visited me which was lovely. i got more familiar with AI, as did the rest of the world... but like, really, for my work i put some effort into learning more. i traveled on 3 continents. i read some good books, such as The Authority Gap by Sieghart. i watched Love is Blind, Amazing Race Finland, Physical 100,  Black Mirror, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Tinder Swindler amongst others. i was also dealing with my "midlife revolution" which didnt seem to lead anywhere and has since calmed down. i went to get botox between my brows - not the first time -  but decided to make it a habit now and will return soon. i also bought a super quiet toothbrush, lol.  

a few people have asked if i have any new years resolutions. which i dont. im just gonna try my best, for myself, and thats that. i of course want to keep eating healthy, moving more... but thats not particularly new year-y, its something always on my mind. the latter bit is what needs more work. i hope to put my best effort in at work, i certaily enjoy it more when i learn new things. 

we spent the last 10 days of the year in Egypt, where it was reasonably warm at around 24c. heated pool was the main selling point though, i really wanted to dip into something WARM. i found this lush green resort with swim up rooms and heated pool and spent my best times in there, listening to music and dancing, reading while sitting on the ledge and floating. the silence under water is really calming. 

intro to my pool time. which almost reads as a leg/foot fetish but is just my well documented interest in capturing the moments from my POV.





 

dr taught me backgammon

bar/restaurant

breakfast


hotel at night


went on a boat tour to snorkle and see corals. we stopped over at this lagoon in the middle of the sea, where the water was only up to waist, super clear, and white sand. funny to stand there in the middle of the sea with no beach in sight.

chilling in the pool

our cabana for the stay. loved laying there, listening to the waves and reading. i willingly admit a lot of my reading is news, social media and articles - but if thats how i roll then nothing wrong with it.

the last sunset of the year at Hurghada airport. we arrived home 23:40, just in time to turn on BBC to see Rick Astley, the fireworks and raise a glass with our palestinian friends/neighbours, who rushed in right after our arrival. the fireworks were partly visible from our window too so it was cool. but it was a long day and and we crashed right after.


The New Yorker: Hasan Minhaj's Emotional Truth's

podcasts (spotify links):
Scamanda
A Very British Cult
Frozen Lies

next month i plan on going to Toronto to see Hanna as she is moving to her new place, we didnt meet this year at all so will be good to spend some one on one time together, i miss her. 

some books on my reading list:
Eve Babitz: Slow Days, Fast Company
Simone De Beauvoir: The Woman Destroyed
Anu Bradford: Digital Empires
Michel J Sandel: The Tyranny of Merit

i think i really enjoy autobiographical novels (a lá On The Road) and stream of consciousness type of reading.

December 17, 2023

pimped up

i watched Last Stop Larrimah on netflix last month. it was almost Tiger King level, similar vibe, entertaining. then we together started watching Outlast on Netflix. it was cool until like episode 3 or so. Then team alpha started "playing the game", but in such ways that it just seemed immoral and wrong and left such a bad taste in my mouth i dropped out and wont finish the season. looking up online im certainly not alone feeling like that. if they make a 2nd season i hope there would be some changes to the rules but i guess that depends on how the ratings were for the first...   then, we started watching 007: The Road to a Million on Prime. it was like, somene learning to do reality tv, and failing miserably. actually, i think they wanted to combine elements of Bond films and do something a little different in terms of reality tv format.. but it just fell really flat. i am personlly ok with the slow pace, but it just feels really simplistic, and the great views (so far all Craig film locations... why the favouritism?)  dont really make up for the missing excitement or drama. finally, the timeline is just totally off and Brian Cox's role seems weird and fake. it doesnt annoy me though so i think i'll finish, just disappointed and surprised thats all. 

i was in finland for company christmas parties and other work, and saw friends. then our "holiday friends" from Texas, Mike & Trent, were here and we spent time together, celebrating Trent's birthday amongst other things. our british holiday mates also came from essex so it was a proper St Lucia reunion. 

Eufemia was on her way from Cambridge to finland (by land, and sea) and stopped over at ours for a few days. that was a nice mini visit, altho i was not able to help with her hunt of pashminas. 

according to Spotify my genre this year was danish jazz. ummm?

Amazing Race Finland is a bit of a disappointment. the tasks are too easy and theres barely any time difference between the teams. also seems more readible organised for the teams unlike in the US version. 

we got this new bigger suitcase in the summer. because we pack pretty economically and share a suitcase, instead of both bringing their own. why grey? long story, lessons learned, but it also looked metallic grey online. and i didnt want to bother with return to we kept it. anyway decided to pimp it up a bit to make it more spottable on the carousel.

we r going to try separate mattresses (with a shared mattress topper) so that i would wake up less to doctor moving around at night. which he does, a lot. his tempur mattress just arrived a week ago so i went an ordered mine from Button & Sprung. it should arrive in january. im excited and nervous to see if it will improve my sleep. HRT already seems to help a bit, but like... 30% maybe. sleep quality is so hugely important im pretty obsessed in improving it in any way i can. HRT also improved other things, mood etc. so i wanna stick to it for now. ive been keen on improving things in general. walking more, eating healthier - not that i didnt before but still. i joined Our Future Health also, UK's largest ever health research study. they target at 5million volunteers and  have over 1 million now. i just had to fill some forms and go to central london for blood and other tests. got my cholesterol numbers handily checked too - they are GOOD. as always, but even slightly better than in the spring for example. i think i'll go get botox again too, in Jan, should book a time. like i think im going to make it an actual habit, instead of popping in once every 5 years. now i actually think its useful for my frown lines. i went a few months ago and was really happy. it was this surgeon and he got me i think - i dont want to freeze my forehead and lose expressions, just ...ease the frowning look. so at 43, yeah i think i might sign up for regular botox.


i watched Good Luck to You, Leo Grande. it wasnt amazing, i felt like it suffered from some illogicalities and over-dramatisation, however overall positive and interesting. i would still say worth watching.  

Miriam sent me a gift along with a cute card! im working on the puzzle now...  its got nice metallic shades. love the design too.

going to see PamAnn at Royal Vauxhall Tavern tonigh. excited, wanted to see her for ages.

November 12, 2023

british.

we had foster cats for about 3 weeks. i suddenly had this urge for furry cute things when i saw a post from a cat rescue and i figured i can manage for a while with antihistamins. so then we took in Gus & Ronnie. 4mo old buddies or brothers - nobody knows - they were found together in a bush. they were really shy though. they found a safe haven in our bathroom drawers under the sink where they could access below/behind. usually Ronnie was in the upper drawer and Gus bottom. they were just getting into their schedule like waiting for me in the morning for breakfast and such but then, off they went to their forever home. i have received pictures an videos though and i'm happy to see they are settling in well. now we have the litter boxes and left over food etc so might foster again soon. i just need some "fresh air", cleaning the flat etc before i want to put myself through the "stress" of allergy again. and tbf of course pets come with responsibility and work too, as much as i love cats i dont mind having my home back exactly the way i want it, no cat litter smell etc.

Gus enjoyed the views 


Ronnie in the drawer

 
 

i feel so middle aged with my chia seed & actimel breakfasts. i know its probably more like a 20something thing, but for me represents the health focus of a middle ages person.

Elmor visited me on tuesday, doctor was at work. she got to see the cats and is a true cat whisperer, they loved her. we had some middle eastern meze style food and a good talk. friends are invaluable.

my half sister Tarja visited me last month. she stayed at ours with a friends of hers. we got to know each other more which was great, she's really smart and nice - just like my other siblings - it was good to get a bit closer. i guess next is my turn to go to Vienna again. we had other guests to, Arttu stayed a couple days and then Cary & Chris stayed over for a night on their way back to US. 

end of this month we are having a big get together with the people we met in St Lucia in 2021, the american couple (Mike & Trent) are coming to London. the brits, couples from essex and north England are also making their way and we will hang out like it was post-lockdown 2021 again. except without the sun, palm trees, pool, beach and chill island vibes. so not really the same at all. i assume a bar is Soho can make some rum punch at least...   anyway look forward to it, the boys want to see some LGBT nightlife and im down for that. other than outings like this im such a housebunny these days, been home this weekend too aside from a dinner with friends on friday, from which i was home by 10pm. on saturdays i have a pilates class. and we went out to eat at this local wine & cheese restaurant (called... Wine & Cheese, WC for short) yesterday. and sundays are dedicated home days. so, very chill life im leading. reading books and washing sofa covers. 

doctor is organising a trip for his mom to come visit us in february. we've been asking her for years, so finally it seems like its happening, she is eager to come and i think it will be great for her to see where her son lives etc.

im going to apply to become a magistrate. a volunteer position that appeals to me because i am nterested in justice, "making things right" and impartiality, for starters. don't know if i'd be accepted but it doesnt hurt to try since i have genuine interest. ive had quite a bit of time to think about it and i went to observe the court (its open to public) and still felt convinced. 

almost forgot, i'm a british citizen now, too. dual citizen. red and blue passports. it was a fancier ceremony than i expected, mayor of Lambeth Sarbaz Barznji himself present and handing out the certificates (i have a nice pic of that). there were some speeches first - pic below - then the affirmation of allegiance:

    I (name) do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm that on becoming a British Citizen, I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Majesty King Charles III, his Heirs and Successors, according to law.

    I will give my loyalty to the United Kingdom and respect its rights and freedoms. I will uphold its democratic values. I will observe its laws faithfully and fulfil my duties and obligations as a British citizen.

and then the certificates. i dressed in turquoise and pink and got several compliments for it. thats the closest to blue & red that i would get lol.