very rainy feb

earlier this week i think i felt a random urge to shop, which sounds so...bad. but i genuinely needed to get this cream. and then, we were out of the hand soap in kitchen so i thought, well i'll pop in Sainsburys. and i kinda wanted a new scented candle. and then, there were these tiny food storage boxes, that we'd discussed needing. and then i realised we're prolly out of banana, so i got that. and altho we have a grocery delivery coming later this week, i couldnt wait for it to try some Alpro soy yogurt. i think ive tried it before but dont remember what i thought of it, and now ive decided on going non-dairy with my yogurt again. so. and so i ended up buying quite a few things. 

we have been watching Traitors (UK, US, AU) and i find it kind of fascinating. it is very much a luck game, but as a viewer we like to think we would be maybe better players, we would notice and sense who the traitors are. or we would be more strategic as traitors. i kind of find it sad how much it is about luck though, and although there have been a few different versions of the ’end game’, i think the odds are stacked against the faithfuls. either way, fun watch.  

i started listening to Pretend podasts series on The Word of Faith ”church”, which sounds more like a cult. but so refreshing to hear they are led by a woman, so rare with cults. gender equality coming to a cult near you! 

this New Yorker article on ultra processed foods and studies on them was interesting. i guess we knew processed food can be bad, but how bad, and its not all processed foods… actually it seemed kind of complicated. 

i heard scented candles might be bad for you. causing cancer, of course, its always cancer. i think im getting cancer from so many things that a scented candle here or there wont make much difference. sounds like a very fatalistic attitude, or just laziness.

finally finished this puzzle. it took forever… but i got to the end. and started a new, significantly easier one. also smaller, 1000 vs 1500 - its a significant difference in difficulty. 

breakfast today. thank you dr. (turkish cibir eggs)

dr and i went to design museum yesterday. it was smaller than i expected, but nice stuff. 

dr specifically wanted to go cos there was a Wes Anderson exhibition. i havent not watched many of his latest films, somehow it just doesnt appeal to me, although i liked his first biggr films like The Royal Tenenbaums.

what a stupid ad. and at a tube station, costs a fortune! says something about how many people will probably go for it. unfortunate.

at the AI & big data expo last week. 

pretty typical brekkie, although i usually only have one kind of fruit with the yogurt, muesli and chia seeds. not sure exactly how many nutrients are in this, but i would like to think this is a decent start to the day. certainly could be worse. 

started 2 books; Too Fat Too Slutty Too Loud by Anne Helen Petersen, and The New Age of Sexism by Laura Bates. too early to comment on either. 

quite chuffed that built a playwright automation this week with AI. 

trash pandas

last year i traveled to helsinki several times, but otherwise maybe less than usual. we returned from the dominican republic early january and then interrailed in france and spain in the summer. plus a remote work week in greece in september. and then to mexico for xmas holidays. but that’s not a lot in my books. oh and wales but does that count? traveling for the sake of traveling is hardly an deal but i would like to see some new places in 2026. like belfast. or croatia. mongolia. while in mexico i read New Yorker’s essay Case Against Travel, but i was left unconvinvced. 

i like Claudia Winklemann’s vibe, she has her own thing going. yes we have been watching traitors. 

dr made me this breakfast yesterday.

im reading a finnish book about the ”culture of selfishness” (Itsekkyyden aika by Keltikangas-Järvinen). it resonates with a lot of what i think i have observed. i think we have (western societies, that is) gone a little extreme in the collectivism-individualism spectrum. emotions and needs important, as is expressing oneself and taking into account individual needs, but it seems that we live in an atmoshphere where those are the primary drivers of anything. feelings always trump facts, individual needs always trump rules or the common good. however people are happy to contribute to the common good if they get praise and recognition for it.  the main purpose of life seems to be self-fulfillment, reaching ones full potential and never ending self-improvement. and there is not a lot of space to compromise or to consider others - unless they sing the same song and we can all support each other (as long as it bring us value and benfits our needs, of course). and this is coming for a pretty individualistic person who indeed is very much focused on herself… but i see this direction as harmful after a certain point. aside from judging my environment i will look in the mirror too. thats all i wanted to say. 

we were in mexico (east coast, near playa del carmen) with Can & Burcu. so nice to travel with friends who enjoy approximately the same things. the holiday was relaxing and educational. i also hurt my back when we played pickle ball but oh well, recovering well. 

food was good, weather warm and there were animals on the resort, like raccoons and coatis - super cute. but ive learned my lesson and didnt touch any of them. i liked how green and lush it was, jungle vibes.

anyway its a new year… 

 

website alive again

i feel something about shipping has become really tedious. or should i say shipping services. u go online and buy something. then it starts, the inbox flood;

we are expecting your parcel from (seller)

we have your parcel

your parcel is on its way to you

your parcel is being delivered today

your parcel delivery time has changed 

your parcel has been delivered

how was your delivery? 

how was your delivery? 

how was your delivery? 

how was your delivery?!  

 

i mean halfway through im already done. i understand people want visibility on their deliveries but its gotten a bit extreme. and the desperate pleads for feedback that every single service does now - its too much. 

me and doctor finally got around to going to Highgate Cemetery, where Karl Marx, Douglas Adams and Michael Faraday were put to rest. it was his birthday so i got us a tour too and it was well worth it, learned a lot about the history of the cemetery, graves - saw the catacombs - etc. i was surprised about the unmarked graves of which many were for the so-called “fallen women”, girls as young as 14 pushed into prostitution and dying from the poverty and diseases. 

as a part of his birthday, i designed a shirt with AI for him and had it printed. gemini made the title and most of the design too, but gemini (based on this and other experiences) seems incapable of fixing mistakes even when asked. it had written controlled with one L and i could not make it add the other L no matter what. i then gave the design to chatGPT and as usual, it fixed the issues and made the changes i needed. doesnt matter, in the end i got what i wanted.   

 

 

 

i got a couple new puzzles as i realised im running out. i just started a cityscape one (night time Hong Kong or something). 

my ancient suzi9mm.com website had finally deteriorated and the URL was just showing code...i noticed this about a month ago. i finally got around to just setting up a new site, a project i started a few years ago because i was expecting this eventually. i then moved over the domain and now at least i have something live, if not very polished. also missing a few pics i think. but im happy i got it back up. i want my photos to exist out there and be accessible still, even if it is a stale ghost gallery thats just a part of history. 

 

 

ive been listening to Sophie Gilbert's Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves. theres a lot i recognise and can relate to, some familiar thoughts and challenges. the book is a wider perspective than the title suggests and maybe sometimes gets lost in detail, but overall i find it pretty solid. i havent finished it and so i hope the book is going "somewhere", and hopefully somewhere with broader analysis and suggestions of changes. now it's been busy laying out pieces of evidence of which most if very observational. 

appreciating this current life

 lately i’ve been listening to a lot of finnish music, Lyyti, Vesta, Vesala, Behm and some old favs like Zen Cafe and Pariisin Kevät. current finnish amd foreigns favs: 

Lyyti: Katastrofin laajuus

Vesta: Jää mun viereen

The George Kaplan Conspiracy: Sing For Me

as i do recruiting at work, i sometimes call candidates to ask something about their CV or otherwise relevant to whether we want to consider them for a role. i'd called this guy and asked him a few things. point is i spoke with this person. later when i sent our standard email, rejecting him as we chose to proceed with more qualified candidates, he emailed me not as a reply to that, but to my personal work email. it only had one sentence; you're more useful in the kitchen than at work. 
i mean, woah. this guy has issues. and he has not seen me in the kitchen...lol.  frankly, i assume the same of him. 

our company's remote work week in greece was a success. i was a bit stressed organising it, but in the end all went pretty well and people seemed happy. so yay. 

by a greek pool. work was busy but i took friday off to chill.

i returned from from helsinki just over a week ago. first i needed to rest a little and the i got back to life & life admin. my puzzle was waiting for me, scheduling meetings with friends, activating my new credit card (just changing from Nationwide to Barclays), organising my clothes, and trying various combinations of skin care with a testing mindset. folding laundry yesterday i felt grateful and content. 

Jess gifted me a book, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. it’s a novel but she raved about it so i’m curious and i started reading. but for example today i finished audiobook I’ll Never Call Him Dad Again by Caroline Darian, the daughter of Gisele & Dominique Pelicot. we like to think these kind of monsters hide in the shadows somewhere and we would recognise them from afar, but they are often all too close. as a book, sure, maybe it was not the best, but i appreciated the insight. 

today i also started the bio of Anna Kontula, a finnish leftist(communist) politician whose books (=thinking, values, intellect) i have previously enjoyed. it’s surprising to me she does not recollect her stepfathers drunken violence negatively, i think seeing a father figure beat up your mother is bound to fuck you up a little. interestingly, just like me, as a child she wondered why should we wear matching socks. it’s unclear to me if she eventually went with it or not. i still wear mismatched socks. most of the time i wear tights though of course. 

last night we went to Gökce for dinner, she lives near Canary Wharf and it’s a 1 hour trip there although geographically it’s not that far. that’s like from Helsinki to Porvoo… but that’s how it is here. anyway dinner was great, her friends who also joined were interesting, working in the tv/film industry. 

 

our date night on friday, at a new local pan-asian restaurant.

 

"do something"

i think history books will not take kindly to how we allowed the genocide to happen in Gaza. its shameful. France recognizing Palestine is a good step, i hope others will follow. but its not enough when people are dying of hunger today. of course, people die of hunger elsewhere too, daily. but this is a man-made starvation, caused by a western country. and our goverments are basically allowing it. i just emailed my MP to urge the UK government to take a stance but thats not very helpful i assume, yet i cant think of anything that would be. maybe i should ask chatgpt on what to do. 

i went for a picnic in Kensington Gardens with Aleks & Raissa yesterday. swans! (there was also loads of super cute ducks)

my "dinner friends" (originally from Timeleft) went to Two Brewers for a pub quiz and then watched Ember perform. fun night. 

Arizona left to her forever home yesterday, somewhere outside London. im gonna miss that soft furry thing all the while enjoying returning to our normal; no need to protect sofa from scratching, no feeding/litter worries... mixed feelings. 

Can & Burcu came over on friday afternoon to see Arizona. and i made this chickpea salad and bought empanadas.   

i enjoy Guardian's dining across the divide series. heres one with an electrician and a Labour councillor.  

Sophie Gilbert's book Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned Women Against Themselves seems interesting. but i would have to read to see if its any good. i'll add it to my ever growing to-read list.

i started watching 90 Day Fiance UK after a long break. i saw ads for season 4 and realised i'd quit after season 1. probably a dose of it now will put me off again for a bit but it was the right time to engage in some relationship reality drama. but its hard when theres personalities i really dislike, eg. a crazy controlling turkish guy. they seem to be a staple of the series, unfortunately. and some of the brits come off as frustratingly stupid. i guess supposedly this is what makes us watch though? but i genuinely like when theres somewhat "normal" people, in balanced relationships that i believe stand a chance in surviving. maybe its the variety that draws me in. people and situations i would never encounter otherwise. 

ah tonight is football finals. im not watching but i can be happy for England being there of course. ive seen a lot of ads/promotion for Lionessess lately. like in the Euston station tube tunnel. (Admire England, fear the Lionesses)  

boiled cartilage au gratin with mayo confit is not for me

our little city/interrail + beach holiday was a success i think. meaning i feel content. europe is getting pretty hot in the summer but it was still nice. we saw things, did things... overall good stuff. even ran into some (friends of) friends in spain, as they were staying in the same hotel. it was great to have some company for dinners etc. 

 

below are pics from Lille, Strasbourg, Lyon and Sitges. Paris and Barcelona are not pictured.  

i personally really enjoyed Strasbourg. walkable, cute and comfortable. and Sitges was the perfect holiday spot, chill and green. we didnt do anything though, i laid by the pool in shade listening to audiobooks and daydreaming. sometimes dipping into the pool which was comfortable warm.  

french cuisine is widely regarded as amazing but i admit im not on board. i have had good food in french restaurants, but a lot of the time im underwhelmed or disappointed. i guess its just not my taste profile. im also fine with unusual things, from cow tongue to critters, but the french cartilage soups and bone marrow toasts just tasted gross to me. not to mention deep fried fat. finding veggie options is also hard, but thats another issue entirely.  

the 2.5 weeks in europe, including interrail tickets, accommodation and food&drink was about the same as 2 weeks in the caribbean (all incl w flights). obviously europe has cheaper countries too, this was just an observation. im not saying one is better than the other either, i really like city holidays in europe and it had been a while. 

Andrew Ewell’s book Set For Life (some kind of novel/autofiction) got harder and harder to plough through. it had issues sounding realistic from the get go - maybe a stylistic thing that i’m just not a fan of - but it got worse and not a single character was likeable. maybe that’s life, and maybe that’s very intentional, to set the tone. perhaps no one in that scenario was likeable from the protagonists point of view, including himself. but that coupled with me thinking “this doesn’t sound real” just got increasingly difficult and i gave up after some 85%. i then started his ex-wife’s book We Are Too Many, but i think it doesn’t work very well in audio as there’s a lot of conversations. i will try to read instead maybe. 

my friend is having root canal treatment and apparently the nerve had necrosis, wtf?! that sounds dangerous but maybe with teeth it’s not that unheard off. i feel lucky my teeth have been pretty healthy. her situation reminded me to visit the dentist but the i remembered i just went in like february. even had x-rays done. so i should be good for a while. i try to go once a year but there was 2 years between my last visits.