bathroom dreams

 i was in the nail salon and tv on the wall was playing in loop some AI videos of woman baking, with the different stages, putting the buns in the oven, buns out with her admiring them in her large countryside kitchen... and this chill unidentifiable pop music in the background. very trad wife vibes, showing us women (viewers)  how happy and pretty women are in the kitchen. now obviously lots of people enjoy baking, baked goods are great and baking videos can be fun, but im maybe a little sensitive or allergic to this type of messaging - it was not educational, purely "inspirational" and in a loop. 

 /feminist rant

im in the midst on a bathroom reno stress now. it took me a while to decide on the contractor but once i did, ive now been in a hurry to source everything and make all the decisions. and as expected, ive ended up in all these rabbit holes about toilet glazings, tile slip ratings and whatnot. work meanwhile is quite busy as well as holidays are fast approaching. so im nearing a mini burnout. end of the week miss R is coming for a visit, and we will actually go on a 20yr friendship anniversary trip with her. yay. 

coming home from helsinki, approaching LHR from the east, could *almost* see our house. 

historical: i got 2 plants.dr picked the other and i picked the other, 

they think its coming home again.or should i say we?

top 2 floor tile options. i spilled water and soap on them to test slipperiness. 

tile options, big and small. 

what can i fit in a 20cm vs 25cm shower niche test. in a small bathroom, space is precious... its challenging for a person who might have 3 different shampoos at any given time. 

midsummer at Aykut & Gulcin's place, they had prepared a lovely raki meze dinner in their garden. lovely. 

for the bathroom, we're going with a grey theme. will get a rainshower as it interested dr, but for me i want my handheld shower head so i can chill sitting on the shower floor. a few days ago i had the idea of a recessed toilet paper niche, best idea ever, possibly? the wall seems thick enough. the bathroom is so small that anything recessed is a win and possibly less visually distracting than shelves and protruding things. 

considering a plant

local elections in theUK went overall horribly, in Lambeth it was worth bidding for green - they now share the most seats with Labour. but without a proper majority, im not sure how they will co-operate, i guess time will show. but now starmer is facing calls to step down. as much as ive been disappointed with Labour, the rotating door of no10 is very…football club like? yeah hes not great but hes also not the worst, he was elected so give him more time. he cant take the party to the next election but also theres no rush. in other words, keep calm and carry on.

we were also considering moving, i saw a cool flat in brixton right opposite the tube station, but the increased monthly costs and uncertainty with everything in the world, and interest rates, and… so forth, kinda put me off. i think we’ll just do a bathroom renovation. thats a nice project. also costs less than the stamp duty of a new flat…

UK has lots of people, lots of immigrants and great restaurant culture…. but the only cheese they eat is CHEDDAR. wtf? yes, theres halloumi, mozzarella and u can find burrata too, but those are different use cases. and a couple of cheese plate specialties, like brie, u know, for when you pretend to be civilised. edam is rare, theres like 2 brands and packs across all the supermarkets ive been to, and occasionally u might find gouda. thats it. yes theres red leicester cheese but thats really just regional cheddar if you ask me. unbelievable.

on May 1st weekend i was sitting in Bar Typo yesterday with Paavo as the sun was still up at 6pm and shining in, and the bar was  super quiet and peaceful was lovely. london is always so hectic and loud. am i just getting old? 

before going to finland i went to drag bingo with Ceri. That Girl was performing.

 a visually pleasing restaurant in hakaniemi, helsinki. 

i ended up in mummotunneli (granny tunnel) with Niina and ended up seeing my old friend Monica from school there too, and the we danced all together. i also saw a colleague of mine. and Niina saw a couple of friends. finland is THAT small. its kind of lovely. its been years since ive  been out like this, dancing. these places just get so crowded and after a while it can be a drag. i usually socialise in bar or restaurant settings. but this was a fun experience - and it was odd to get so much attention. i guess live dating or hookup  culture is alive and well.

nice dinner with Niina before all the dancing.

tomorrow is a bank holiday in finland so im off. im enjoying this ”middle class life”, resting on a sofa after work and doing laundry… with a white wine in an Iittala glass, wondering if we should get plants for the living room. 

paljussa oli kuitenkin lämmin

nyt omassa yhden hengen lukupiirissäni; 

Hanne Kettunen: Väsyneet naiset

Juhani Seppänen: Selvästi juovuksissa

Harry Salmenniemi: Tulikristalli ja muita novelleja (tästä huomio että etenkin dickpic on hyvä)

yleensä toi sää ei suomessa käydessä hirveästi kiinnosta mua. se on mitä se on jne. mutta nyt kun lontoossa oli jo periaatteessa kesä, ja helsingissä lähempänä nollaa, niin myönnän että harmitti. aika paljonkin. vappuna oli sit joku 16c ja ihmiset juhli kuin olis helle. olen tyytyväinen palattuani nyt lontoon kesään.

firman kehityspäivät oli taas luonnon helmassa, kiva paikka. oli vähän luokkaretkifiilis, mukavan rento paikka ja oli rento ilta myös. tein kuitenkin hackathonissa mageen tekoälysoftan. 

kuva on petollinen, näyttää lämpilmältä.

Norbs

 Norbert is our current foster. a gentle soul, well behaved, but hes had it rough. he has cat HIV and FCGS - which is an acronym for something shitty and painful. hes on loads of meds and now we just wait and see if things turn around for him.

i was listening to this podcast with Dean Spears who co-authored some book on depopulation. he seems very concerned by it. more concerned than the UN projections would lead you to be. but hes made his own projections, in a Musk funded initiative. ok he could still be right, after 6 decades we might head towards a population decline. but some the arguments sound too simplified to me, like the “more people is good because people invent and improve things”… or “depopulation means less people being born to enjoy life” which just sounds off to me on some philosophical level. im getting pro-life and handmaids tale vibes. which might be the intention but he sounds more ideological than he leads on. also his solution is just “making parenting more attractive, men pitching in more etc”. the podcaster to her credit (Louise Perry) does challenge this, and then as she presents her gut feeling theory which is that low child mortality might subconsciously affect our motivation to reproduce, Dean seems to get flustered and starts quibbling. 

unhinged… 

pääsiäinen

 hesarissa unilääkäri kertoo mitä me teemme väärin. keski-ikäinen esivaihdevuosista kärsivä minäni hermostui totaalisesti. vaikka kaikki naiset ei kärsi hormonaalisista uniongelmista vaihdevuosien aikaan niin helvetin moni kärsii…  toki oletusarvona noi jutun neuvot nyt varmaan koskee ylipäätään ihmisiä joilla ei ole jotain muuta syytä uniongelmiin kuten vuorotyö, pienet lapset, työstressi, lääkkeet, sairaudet tai hormonit… eli ehkä siinä on muutama ihminen sit viel jäljellä ketä nuo neuvot hyödyttää, mut jotenkin tässä univajeärtymyksessäni sain mansplainauksen fiiliksen nyt kyllä. varmaan samat jutut samalla itsevarmuudella vois kirjoittaa joku nainenkin mutta nyt kävi näin. 

Budjettipäällikkö Mika Niemelä on ”tosi neutraali” mutta ei jotenkin kuulosta siltä. voi olla että leikata pitää, tai ehkä tukea jonkinlaista kasvua, tai ehkä molempia, mutta en olisi ihan heti nielemässä sitä että hoivatyöstä pitää ehkä perheiden itse huolehtia nyt vaan enempi - se tarkoittaa käytännössä valitettavasti naisia. Niemelä kans sanoo et lapsia pitäs tehdä et saatas veronmaksajia. maahanmuuttajia - etenkin sellaisia joilla on jo lapsia ja ylipäätään mielellään niitä hankkivatkin kulttuurisista tai muista syistä, olis kyllä tulossa, mutta nehän ei monille suomalaisille kelpaa. siihen Niemelä ei ota kantaa, mutta se että kokee voivansa kommentoida lasten tekemistä ja kaikkea muuta mutta maahanmuuttoa ei mainita, ni on sus. EU:n ”aging report” mainitsee maahanmuuton ihan validina keinona jeesata tilannetta. toki siihen sit liittyy kaikkia muita juttuja niinku integraatiota pitäs parantaa jne, ja joo, tämä hallitus on anyway hyvin anti-mamu. ja kuten Niemelä korostaa, hän ”hallituksen renki”. 

totesimme miss R:n kanssa että mun lempiviiniä (Brancott Estaten sav blanc) ei saa suomesta, ja hänen Alkosta löytämäänsä Bitch-viiniä ei taas saa täältä. pitää käydä vuoroin vierailemassa ja maistelemassa siis. 

simulation

while buying some pre-mixed cocktails in M&S and waiting for the assistant to come approve my alcoholic purchases, it dawned on me definitively that im never going to be asked for ID to proof age again. not that ive been expecting it for years (or a decade+), but then it happened every 2 years or so...until a while ago. now i think its safe to say that it wont. and of course, i dont remember the last time exactly, as u never know its going to be the last. maybe around 2023? i think im officially an adult now? maybe as menopause has a definition of 365 days without a period, adulthood should also have something similar; "2 years since you were last asked for an ID when buying age restricted items"? then you'd be knighted an "adult".  

i found this coin while sorting my wallet, its 50 pence. what a well worded statement, diversity built britain. so true and important to acknowledge.   

the local elections are nearing, and we got this letter from Labour. im not appreciating the ”greens and lib dems can’t win here” message, even if its traditionally been true. its always like that until it isnt, right? but with the election system being the way it is, it is risky to ”scatter” votes, i certainly dont want conservatives to take lead here. well, im going to have to figure out what to do. im also not in love with greens nor lib dems but have started having serious doubt about labour. locally theyve been decent perhaps but i always focus on the issues… 

on my way from helsinki to london a while ago security found this porridge-yogurt-thing in my bag which was classified as a liquid. fair enough, but i was surprised they offered i eat it there instead of just binning it. theres a table and chairs right in front of the security desks so i just sat there and had my snack in peace. after which i was allowed to continue. 

a tunnel to the metro in helsinki. quiet late in the evening. to be fair, always quiet, way oversized for helsinki needs. 

i typically eat vegetarian/pescatarian but on my birthday dinner in Cella (with Arttu, Otto, Elina and Eufemia) i wanted comfort food so meatballs and mash it was. that restaurant is like time traveling to the 80s, i like to go there once a year or so. i also had another birthday dinner on the actual day at Wino, which is a nice wine restaurant (with miss R, Amanda, Ipa & Jepa). 

i used my flight simulator birthday gift voucher yesterday. The A320 simulator was near Gatwick airport, and while used by pilots in training during the week, its open to paying customers on the week. anyway the instructor, a pilot himself, seemed surprised of a lone woman coming in. nice guy, and i dont know if he was kissing my butt but he said i was a natural at directing the plane with the stick. i personally felt like it was challenging, i have zero ”joystick” type experience, but i guess i did get a hang of it quickly. i really enjoyed the experience and learned a lot. for most if the buttons and other things though, its impossible to take all the info in in such a short time. we did a couple of take offs and several landings, with one ’full flight’ from gatwick to heathrow. steering the plane on the runway after landing is surprisingly hard, i ended up way off the middle of the runway a couple times. but thats better than running into a firetruck. anyway, loved it, and if it wasnt so pricey i would do more of it. picture of the simulator below. 

earlier this week it was nice and sunny… then suddenly there was a hailstor. rare to see hailstones this big.

earrings i found in a charity shop in finland, made of pennies, the defunct currency. 

while in finland i started listening to the podcast Rest Is Politics, by Alistair Cambpell and Rory Stewart. its interesting, not toooo deep but also not super light, and i appreciate the occasional civil disagreement. it hits the right balance for me. altho AI pointed out that while it presents itself as left vs right, its actually pretty much centrist liberalism, and very ”establishment” okay, so, fine, maybe not super original nor ideologically challenging but i like it, so. 

we probably have another foster cat coming tomorrow, Norbert. he has been at another foster’s for a few months now while hes been going through various treatments… poor guy really has had it rough and has only one tooth left due to extensive but necessary dentist work.   

suosittelen mieskirjaa

löysin jostain kirjasuosituslistalta tms Joonas Pesosen Penisyklopedian. joka oikeastaan on kaikesta muusta kuin nimestään. ehkä raflaava nimi toimii clickbaitin tavoin, ja toivottavasti, koska kirjassa on tosi hyvin asiaa kulttuurin ja yhteiskunnan asettamista rooleista miehille ja miehisyydestä ylipäätään. mä keskityn noihin juttuihin paljonkin mutta yleensä siis naisten näkökulmasta, mutta toki mua kiinnostaa miesten elämä ihan tasa-arvomielessäkin. kirjassa on kohta jossa Pesonen kuvaa nuorena päätyneensä fysioterapeutin eteen, ja olleensa siinä puolialastomana peilin edessä kun fyssari kävi läpi kroppaa osa osalta, luetellen vikoja. toi oli mielenkiintoista koska itsekin olen joskus teininä ollut ihan samassa tilanteessa, ja siellä oli vielä fyssarin lisäksi jotain alan opiskelijoita. mutta huomasin mun ja Pesosen kokemuksessa eron: mä olin jo hyväksynyt, ehdollistunat tai tottunut siihen että keho on aina arvostelun kohteena, oman ja muiden, ääneen ja äänettömästi. ni siinä ei ole mitään outoa että joku arvostelee ryhtiä tai skolioosia tai jotain muuta. en sano että tilanne oli miellyttävä tietenkään, mutta siinä oli oma arkisuutensa. ja Pesosen kokemus avaa surullisesti niitä paineita mitä miehillä on sopia 'omaan muottiinsa' ja miten vaikeeta se on jos ei ihan sovikaan. kirjassa on sopivasti noita omia kokemuksia, joihin kuitenki ehkä monet miehen voi jossain määrin samaistua, mutta hyvin esittelee myös tutkimustuloksia ja yleisesti miehen roolin historiaa ynnä muuta, ja tasa-arvoakin sivutaan.   

katson suomen Petollisia, enkä tunne puoliakaan tyypeistä. tai ehkä just puolet, näitä vanhan koulukunnan julkkiksia tai muita, Ringa Ropo, Mato Valtonen, Susanna Penttilä, Wallu Valpio... ja Teemu Packalen tuttu vapaaottelusta. silti ihan viihdyttävää. 

 

very rainy feb

earlier this week i think i felt a random urge to shop, which sounds so...bad. but i genuinely needed to get this cream. and then, we were out of the hand soap in kitchen so i thought, well i'll pop in Sainsburys. and i kinda wanted a new scented candle. and then, there were these tiny food storage boxes, that we'd discussed needing. and then i realised we're prolly out of banana, so i got that. and altho we have a grocery delivery coming later this week, i couldnt wait for it to try some Alpro soy yogurt. i think ive tried it before but dont remember what i thought of it, and now ive decided on going non-dairy with my yogurt again. so. and so i ended up buying quite a few things. 

we have been watching Traitors (UK, US, AU) and i find it kind of fascinating. it is very much a luck game, but as a viewer we like to think we would be maybe better players, we would notice and sense who the traitors are. or we would be more strategic as traitors. i kind of find it sad how much it is about luck though, and although there have been a few different versions of the ’end game’, i think the odds are stacked against the faithfuls. either way, fun watch.  

i started listening to Pretend podasts series on The Word of Faith ”church”, which sounds more like a cult. but so refreshing to hear they are led by a woman, so rare with cults. gender equality coming to a cult near you! 

this New Yorker article on ultra processed foods and studies on them was interesting. i guess we knew processed food can be bad, but how bad, and its not all processed foods… actually it seemed kind of complicated. 

i heard scented candles might be bad for you. causing cancer, of course, its always cancer. i think im getting cancer from so many things that a scented candle here or there wont make much difference. sounds like a very fatalistic attitude, or just laziness.

finally finished this puzzle. it took forever… but i got to the end. and started a new, significantly easier one. also smaller, 1000 vs 1500 - its a significant difference in difficulty. 

breakfast today. thank you dr. (turkish cibir eggs)

dr and i went to design museum yesterday. it was smaller than i expected, but nice stuff. 

dr specifically wanted to go cos there was a Wes Anderson exhibition. i havent not watched many of his latest films, somehow it just doesnt appeal to me, although i liked his first biggr films like The Royal Tenenbaums.

what a stupid ad. and at a tube station, costs a fortune! says something about how many people will probably go for it. unfortunate.

at the AI & big data expo last week. 

pretty typical brekkie, although i usually only have one kind of fruit with the yogurt, muesli and chia seeds. not sure exactly how many nutrients are in this, but i would like to think this is a decent start to the day. certainly could be worse. 

started 2 books; Too Fat Too Slutty Too Loud by Anne Helen Petersen, and The New Age of Sexism by Laura Bates. too early to comment on either. 

quite chuffed that built a playwright automation this week with AI. 

queen-ish

 its both interesting and boring how ones spending tends to go up with income. from binbags to netflix subs, upgrades start to happen. and of course theres the things that did not fit the budget before. more subs! take away sushi! extra handbag! etc. maybe charity donations even? and a TV license. and its difficult to scale down if theres a need to. us humans dont want to give up benefits we've attained.

out of the movies now in cinema i think id like to see Pillion and Marty Supreme.

i got a new tattoo. i think i spent nearly a year thinking about it, on and off. feminism is a big part of me and i want a reminder of it too. and to put my money where my mouth is i made a donation to MSI reproductive choices the same night. day to day feminism is not about money obviously, but i want to try make a difference in various ways. 

last week was unusual. Jamie had brought up the idea of me accompanying him to Toronto, it is a new route for him as a flight attendant. i have friends there, and work was still pretty quiet last week so it seemed doable. it was just a 2 night layover and while im not sure how sensible it is to fly all that way for 2 nights, it seemed like a fun opportunity. and that it was. we met superkev and Hanna both, walked around the city a bit (in snowstorm) and went to CN Tower. but overall, took it easy, ive been there before and he will be there many times more so there was no stress in ”trying to see everything”. also i woke up early both mornings to do a bit of work and slept poorly for some reason so i was not the most energetic version of myself. what was really cool was flying in Virgin’s upper class - it was much nicer than i couldve expected. and Jamie w his colleagues took such good care of me, with champagne and all. also i got to see a bit of the dynamics of flight crews outside the plane, and we sat with the captain in the hotel bar on our first night there - he had interesting stuff to share. and after landing back on Heathrow i got to go to flight deck of the A330-900! that was great!

my upper class table nook with a mini cabinet. 

plenty of space and a huge bluetooth TV. i opened my seat into a bed, put in the bedding, closed the door and actually slept quite comfortably! holy hell its going to be hard to go back to economy after this queen treatment. 

Toronto when we were leaving to the airport. 

view from the CN tower.

we had Poutine, too. 

 some facts; 

• two wrongs dont make a right
• better early than late
• if u want time&sweat&sauna proof eyeliner its MAC Liquidlast
• its not worth stressing what to wear for someone elses birthday party or wedding cos in the end you wont remember and neither will anyone else, its not your day (as it shouldnt be)

 

  

trash pandas

last year i traveled to helsinki several times, but otherwise maybe less than usual. we returned from the dominican republic early january and then interrailed in france and spain in the summer. plus a remote work week in greece in september. and then to mexico for xmas holidays. but that’s not a lot in my books. oh and wales but does that count? traveling for the sake of traveling is hardly an deal but i would like to see some new places in 2026. like belfast. or croatia. mongolia. while in mexico i read New Yorker’s essay Case Against Travel, but i was left unconvinvced. 

i like Claudia Winklemann’s vibe, she has her own thing going. yes we have been watching traitors. 

dr made me this breakfast yesterday.

im reading a finnish book about the ”culture of selfishness” (Itsekkyyden aika by Keltikangas-Järvinen). it resonates with a lot of what i think i have observed. i think we have (western societies, that is) gone a little extreme in the collectivism-individualism spectrum. emotions and needs important, as is expressing oneself and taking into account individual needs, but it seems that we live in an atmoshphere where those are the primary drivers of anything. feelings always trump facts, individual needs always trump rules or the common good. however people are happy to contribute to the common good if they get praise and recognition for it.  the main purpose of life seems to be self-fulfillment, reaching ones full potential and never ending self-improvement. and there is not a lot of space to compromise or to consider others - unless they sing the same song and we can all support each other (as long as it bring us value and benfits our needs, of course). and this is coming for a pretty individualistic person who indeed is very much focused on herself… but i see this direction as harmful after a certain point. aside from judging my environment i will look in the mirror too. thats all i wanted to say. 

we were in mexico (east coast, near playa del carmen) with Can & Burcu. so nice to travel with friends who enjoy approximately the same things. the holiday was relaxing and educational. i also hurt my back when we played pickle ball but oh well, recovering well. 

food was good, weather warm and there were animals on the resort, like raccoons and coatis - super cute. but ive learned my lesson and didnt touch any of them. i liked how green and lush it was, jungle vibes.

anyway its a new year… 

 

settling into christmas coziness

the other week i was in helsinki, having a dinner with my friend in Belge. we pondered which wine to have, enjoyed the food, then got up to leave around 9pm - after all we both had things the next day we needed to be in ok shape for. gathering our coats and finding our way out we passed the live band that was playing there, jazz if i remember correctly. and it was just all so...middle-aged. and it felt good. being fairly healthy, having a stable bank account to fulfill the basic needs on Maslow's hierarchy and then some, having good relationships and a job that we find okay... it's no small feat. it doesnt mean u cant still feel miserable or lost, but if you have these pieces together, then you probably have some power or ability to try and work on those feelings, and at least some support to hold on to (in the form of other people). this is sort of a dream come true. 

this year i got further into skincare (started last year proper). until then my skin was really just kind of fine on its own without much attention. the dryness just drove me to this point and now i have serums and moisturisers and even masks. the dry cold air in finland was extra hard. this year i also listened to a lot of finnish music (eg. Vesta, Lyyti). aside my usual reality tv shows i tried watching some acclaimed quality shows like The Bear, Severance and Pluribus. i listened to a lot of audio books, and even finished several. they included some finnish biographies, feminism and autofiction. on the podcast side i liked stories about people who pretend to be someone they are not, either for monetary gain or otherwise. there was some true crime too, like a story about a female teacher who was allegedly dating her 14-15yo students some 30 years ago. aside from the cancer scare in the spring and having like 4 colds this fall i was healthy.  at work i had some challenging new responsibilities and tasks but overall a good year. aside from summer i didnt really do holidays much, if at all... that i want to change going into 2026. just a long weekend here or there would be good.

 lunch yesterday as served by doctor. officially the first day of holiday.

in the tube. very eye-opening. 

we are missing christmas traditions. ive been fine with that, im not a big christmas person. maybe partly cos after early childhood there were not many traditions and then i left home and never developed any - not spending time with my relatives and sort of spending christmasses in different places in different ways. the years in turkey did not help, lol. anyway, one can always form and invent new things, and i was discussing with AI what those might be. still undecided. 

sometimes doctor buys me a little gift when hes out shopping. like a ginger shot or sushi. used to be energy drink but i started getting acid reflux and only drink those rarely now. today he went overboard, having visited the new M&S nearby. he got me the ginger shot, and then...a few other things, lol. it was nice to have something to nibble while i was working on my puzzle. 

and man this is such a hard puzzle, the amount and type of detail... however i enjoy this very much. all the while listening to a podcast about free diving and doping.