November 26, 2022

mostly food

usually people love the food they grow up with. like your home cuisine will typically always be one of your favorites, more less. makes sense, you grow up with it etc. but i wonder if you can grow up not liking the local cuisine? is it possible to not like thw food your parents cook, the food in school, the food at your friend birthday party...? and what if you lived there all your life and there was no variety available? im just not sure if its even possible, to widely dislike your cuisine in a situation where you don't have alternatives.

something i know about myself is that i learn things quickly, but i also forget just as quickly. this is especially frustrating with work and language related things. language learning requires repetition for anyone, but i feel like especially for me. its like i pick something up but tomorrow its gone.

i caved in and put this star on the window last week. its just so sad and dark! and then i bought this little christmas tree thing which was nicely potted with a spruce cone and all. add to that Yankee Candle's Home Sweet Home which is my favorite scent.

i found these shoes but they were the wrong colour...  dark brown. i wiped them with alcohol which made then...light brown. and then painted with a faux leather dye and got black laces... almost ready now. just the heels are brown but i dont think the shoe dye will woek on the rubbery material, i will wait until i dye my hair next week, that will stick on pretty well im sure.

this week has been tiring. just cos "life". everyones talking about the weather dampening the mood so lets blame the weather then. i finished work early today and went out for some mini shopping and a walk. walks have become a staple, i go at least once to twice a week. the park we live next to is perfect for that. the shopping was as exciting as getting a hose clamp to fix my office chair and some hair dye.

Some Kind of Hero: The Remarkable Story of the James Bond Films by Matthew Field

History of Japan by RHP mason

(i didnt buy from the sevices i linked to, they just seemed easiest)

i started watching another reality show, Aldi's Next big Thing, where Aldi is looking for a new product to add on it's shelves. they make it sound big and grand but im pretty sure they give it a month or so and if it doesn't sell then its out like any other new thing they try. and supermarkets try probably hundreds of new products a month...   anyway they start by saying they want something new and exciting, not just the same old. there were "contestants" offering chinese sauces and cricket burgers etc. and the final two? frozen indian meals and some pies. like, the most bloody standard thing already on the shelf. whether i go to Sainsbury's or Waitrose or Iceland, it's all curry this and that, tikka masala and so forth. and then the pies, oh lord. im not a fan of indian food but to make it worse, they are all with meat... although india is famous for its vegetarian dishes, no?? some things have not changed i guess. anyway so nothing surprising about this show of course, this is how they are, i know. but im hoping to see bug/cricket products *somewhere* soon, would love to try. doctor said he is slightly skeptical but i guess he would be willng to try too. currently we are testing a receipt meal package from GreenChef. its similar to HelloFresh...tbh not sure if there is a difference, doctor found it and ordered. he likes to cook these things. for which i am grateful.

the park this afternoon. 

tapas bar Barsiro nearby. we went there for dinner tonight after a film (Knives Out 2).

the first GreenChef meal. the salmon is dark and crunchy cos thats how it was supposed to be done.

a week ago a Fat Pundit with my "reddit friends" Aleks & Raissa. the food was really good.

i also read youre supposed to eat 0.75g of protein for ever kilo you weigh. umm. does not seem realistic unless i ate like a whole salmon or otherwise ridiculous amount of food, or only protein, skipping veggies... i feel fine, so i think it cant be THAT crucial...

November 05, 2022

and so we're in november

ive listened and watched plenty of true crime and come to a conclusion. especially the female victims tend to be the most wonderful people. their family, friends, coworkers and generally everyone is eager to share how amazing humans they were. how loving, caring, and how they made everyone's day, the person lighting the room up, etc... simply the most perfect beings. but this is good news. based on this, i am at no risk of being the victim of a homicide. i just dont fit that, at all. so, lovely? (and no, i don’t think im an asshole but im certainly not the sunshine that everyone loves, either) 

there was that day in september when i had to turn the heating on after having the windows open the whole day but i was able to turn it off right after and im really pleased we did not properly turn on the heating on until yesterday. making it to november is pretty well. it mustve been a cold night cos when i woke up and came to livingroom to start my work day it was 21c.

i was in finland for miss R’s wedding. i had the honour of being a best woman and i took it pretty seriously. i think the couple was happy with the party and that’s what matters. besides the wedding i also saw some friends, and even my father who himself was visiting finland. he was staying in Sysmä so we met halfway in Lahti. on weekdays i went to the office as usual. on my way to finland i stopped over in stockholm for the weekend. i have a friend there i hadnt seen in years due to her having kids, so it was good to catch up face to face. 

wedding photobooth stuff

i got this lovely marimekko vase from miss R as a maid of Honour gift;

i tried CBD oil tampons cos some friends were raving about them and i believe it genuinely helps some women with cramps. i was not too surprised but all the more annoyed when they did not help, cos id delayed taking painkillers wanting to see what and how much the CBD oil can do. and once cramping is in full swing it takes forever for painkillers to work. well, i can now say ive tried them. 

i started online japanese classes again. i had started them during lockdown and ended when it was lifted, but i kept occasionally going back to learning hiragana on an app and stuff. last summer we were interested in going to japan, but again our plans were thwarted as they were closed to tourism still. anyway, so im giving it another go, continuing with the same teacher. i had forgotten most but also like other languages i forget it was somewhere in the backburner and it's all coming back. im now at numbers and basic questions and that sort of, very elementary level. bloody hiragana though, i think im a visual person but i find the writing system incredibly hard to memorize.

what ive enjoyed watching:
Make Me Prime Minister (reality)
Drink Masters (reality)
Big Boys Go Bananas (docu)
Triangle of Sadness  (film)

ive been reading;
Lightbringers of the North by Häkkinen, Iitti (orig finnish version Valonkantajat)

new necklace

im not a beer drinker but the finnish drink market, beers and otherwise, is always impressing me. theres always new stuff,

i just finished this small wooden puzzle i got from doctor.

i wanna try this kimchi recipe

im slightly jealous of doctor getting the 4th covid vaccine but i try and trust that they are not giving it to us cos it's not that useful if you are young-ish and healthy?

September 18, 2022

god save the queen

today is the day ive turned heating on. much earlier than anticipated. but i assume its somewhat temporary as there are still warm days ahead. just this morning the flat was quite warm(26?) so i thought okay i'll open the windows in the hopes that it'll cool down while im out for a few hours. and well, it did. 22c. bedroom is a freezing 20. i managed for a bit but then thought f*ck it, i dont need to be uncomfortable. i'll try to survive in the bedroom as i know its healthy but i turned heating on and set the thermostat to around 23. "around" because its unfortunately not a very accurate one, gotta follow up and adjust accordingly. our regular temp is 24-25 but we decided to aim for 23 as a compromise to lower the gas bill. i guess its good for the climate too though i wonder how effective. 

i was out today cos i went to Sunday Assembly. doctor is in turkey so he couldnt join. i met people from the assembly last weekend at the park karaoke and got interested cos its a secular "church" sort of, for the lack of a better word. pop music, ted talk type of speeches and a fun atmosphere. ppl seem like generally more openminded and thoughtful than the average. i really liked it actually so i think i'll go back. while doctor is away im going to focus on myself and what i need and want in life. 

our pretty basic bebroom looks like a brothel with this new neon light on lol.  the change is really drastic but cool. turning on bedside lamps or anything else changes things immediately buts its pretty cool to see like this. we cant sleep in a light like this obviously, but...its nice to have.

although im not a royalist, Elizabeth was a cool, steady character in these uncertain times, it would've been nice if she just lived forever...    the very next day after her death the bus stops had these. prepared well in time im sure.
seeing operation London Bridge is Down go into full swing has been... interesting. the 8km queue to lying-in-state and everything else. what i dont approve of is closing health services like GP practises and cancer treatments, thats not really...ethical. someone died so now more people must suffer and possily die?
the little ways that the queens death has shown;

Tfl's journey planner
TfL email for funeral travel advice
local council advise re: funeral
real estate
random tweet
book/paper shop

at the tube station(s)

at the movie theatre

September 05, 2022

wint...gas bills is coming

life has been flowing inevitably forward as it always does...   ive been to finland, seeing friends, working... the usual. but my mood is slightly low. nothing too bad just meh. and nothing specific. im kinda prepared to declare this a midlife crisis, which does sound dramatic but maybe i want to be a bit dramatic? cos ive been saying "i feel confused" for a while and getting tired of that, the follow up of "about what?" "i dunno" "yeah but like what exactly?" is not going anywhere, but i understand it sounds so vague it invites questions like that. however the label Midlife Crisis, i think it might get the acceptable nod, we've heard the term, we know it encompasses everything and it seems like a concept.  so i'll go with that. it also gels well with me, it invites me to consider the big picture. midlife crisis means maybe change is needed, so maybe i gotta look for that.

in finland me and the bestman were in charge of miss R's bachelorette party. and now we have a little time to breath, as the wedding is in october. the bachelorette party went fairly well though so that was a relief. i also visited Tampere to see Anni's and Janne's new place after them leaving Battersea for a new start back in finland...  they showed me around Tampere and i honestly found it a cute place. not huge, not too small, lots of fun details. after the spring, summer and this, i think im kay to not travel for a while. theres the wedding of course but like, in between. gotta save money for those winter gas bills too lol, winter is coming...

thanks to Ed Sheeran, the trains (back) to Tampere were full. all that was left was this little cabinet. i felt like a royalty. but it was so overly air conditioned i was freezing. for once the weather in finland was WARM and i wasnt wearing a lot.

so much talk about algorythms and AI and im still being offered "Rings of Power" by Amazon? and a million other things im never going to watch. netflix is honestly not much better. none of them are.

songs im listening to atm;
Hannes & Waterbaby: Stockholmsvy (spotify link)
Taylor Swift & Bon Iver: Exile (spotify link)
The National, Bon Iver: Weird Goodbyes (spotify link)
First Aid Kit: Out of My Head (spotify link)

 i also saw Nick Cave at the All Points East festival last sunday. saw him there like 4 years ago as well, nice little festical, and he's a great artist.

we went to this miniature exhibition yesterday. i enjoyed it. especially the stuff that was humorous or somehow evoking thought.

NYT: Linda Evangelista and the Fantasies Fashion Sells I am somewhat aligned with what this article is saying. im not sure why they had to tape her up and use all kinds of magic to pretend she looks just like she used to, some 10 or 20 years ago? im not saying Linda should be forced to share her insecurities, im jst not sure of how this Vogue story with the weird hat&scarf combos benefits anyone...  when i was around 16-20 i really enjoyed the aesthetics that Vogue & co were presenting, but then i inevitably grew out and while i can still appreciate the photography etc, a 2000£ hat or 3000£ boots just make me go "wtf". if you are in the lookout for those, then it makes sense, but as most of are not, what are we getting from this world. their "feminism" is also disappointing, i guess thats just as big of an issue for me. like, dont virtue signal feminism.

speaking of virtue signaling...  oh well no i actually like see stuff like this, so glad the world has changed in this recpect;

July 31, 2022

pandoja ym

hesarin juttu tyypistä joka luopui vegaaniudesta ’koska hammaskiille’ oli aika heikko. jutun pointti tuntui olevan että vegaanius pilaa hampaat. haastateltu tyyppi on syönyt välipalaksi sitrushedelmiä - mistä hampaat ei tykkää - ja tästä päätelmä on sit että vegaanius on huono.... tyyppi oli lisäksi käyttänyt jotain fluoritonta luomuhammastahnaa. tämäkin kai vegaaniuden syy. asiantuntijoita on jutussa haastateltu mutta kovin yksipuolisen viestin sanomisista saa, että vähän kantsis olla huolissaan jos on kasvissyöjä tai vegaani, varmuuden vuoks kantsis ehkä vetää pihviä tai kanaviillokkia? en ite oo tiukasti minkän ruokavalio-termin alla mutta se ei tarkoita ettenkö tietäs että vegaanit voi syödä ihan fiksusti. jopa niin että hampaat säilyy.... itseasiassa nyt tuli mieleen että mun tätihän joka on eläkkeelle jäänyt hammaslääkäri, on kasvissyöjä...  kiitos hänen olen suht hammastietoinen.

toinen hesarin juttu joka nosti verenpainetta oli Ähtärin pandoista. kuten muissakin eläintarhoissa ja vastaavissa niin kun ei eläimet halua "jostain kumman syystä" vankeudessa lisääntyä niin sitten sitä pakotetaan keinosiementämällä. ja puhutaan lajin säilymisestä, että hyvää me vaan tässä. ei liity mitenkää rahaan tai siihen mitä ihmiset haluaa. pandat on laiskoja lisääntymään luonnossakin mutta ovat kuitenkin selvinneet tähän asti. ja ehkä ne katoaa sukupuuttoon ja ihminen on siihen osasyynä, mutta eläinten pito vankina ja keinosiemennys ei musta jotenkin oo se oikee ratkaisu....  Ähtäri ja kaiki muutkin sais lähettää pandat takaisin ja niitä voisi seurata vaan luonnossa etäämmältä. niinku muitakin eläimiä, en usko että hirvet tai leijonatkaan haluaa olla häkissä.

aloitin vähän aika sitten taas uuden kirjan parissa. Toni Alarannan Turkin historia. Toni on tämän asian tuntija kyllä, olen pitkään seurannut ja mielellään nyt luen, ainakin alku on lupaavan selkeää. vähän aikaa sitten aloin kans kuuntelee Jyrki Kasvin omaelämäkertaa eli äänikirjana. se etenee hitaasti vaikka mielenkiintoinen onkin. mun on kyllä vaikea saada kirjoja loppuun asti... mutta en ota siitä mitään stressiä, sellasta se vaan on.

harvoin luen ilta-sanomia, ja vielä harvemmin kuuntelen Maija Vilkkumaata tai Anna Erikssonia, mutta se ei haittaa koska tää artikkeli antoi yhteenvedon mielenkiintoisista ulostuloista. Vilkkumaa on kommentoinut Erikssonin viihde-korkeakulttuuri -näkemyksiä ja just noiden kahde suhde ja ero on mustakin ihan mielenkiintoinen vaikkei mulla ole aiheeseen mitään tähdellistä lisättävää.

July 28, 2022

from this summer

interesting article on MP’s pushing menopause to be a protected characteristic. as im headed that way myself it does make me think. 

american men are getting vasectomies after Roe. good. cos women usually don't have a choice - we have to fight lond and hard for our sterilisations.  cos how would women know what they want... uff. im glad i got mine in turkey, while i could.

started watching How to Build a Sex Room on netflix, expected it to be patronizing poop and i mean, it is very light easily digestable entertainment, but there are some fun ideas. now we want a neon sign on our bedroom wall. yeah, we dont have an extra room to spare, bedroom is it. 

why are laundry baskets all small? like 30x40x50cm seems to be the standard size?! u cant even fit the sheets from one bed in that, where do people put their sheets and towels because it's not like they fit in these fucking things? we need a need laundry basket and its hard, it needs to be 100L imo to be useful. 

i love My Feet Are Killing Me. doctor is not interested. but ive always been interested in foot stuff (but not in that way). i liked taking care of them in cosmetologist school and after. the show features a lot of congenital issues, tumours, arthiritis, unusual keratosis...  it's just all fascinating to me. 
i like how the guest room lamps make this pattern around. i would like to see more of this.

i was at Lobos for tapas with Ceri and Anni. its under the railtrack and looking at a church so quite a cool location. Anni is moving back to finland soon so im "losing" yet another london friend...

i kinda hate videos. i used to dislike podcasts/audio as well until i found good combinations and situations for them, like while commuting, doing a puzzle etc. but videos are still annoying, esp those youtube videos everyone raves about. ive watched many of course, for various reasons. movie scenes that i wanted to check, interviews, how to remove bathtub drain, etc. but most things people want to watch a video for, i really rather read. must be a control thing too, i wanna get the info i wanna get, without the "hey guys, welcome back to my channel, so today im gonna be showing you different iphone features which are A,B,C;D..... and im going to show how to use them and..." like, i just wanna know how to record the iphone screen as video, NOW. i dont mean to poop on helpful youtube videos, people mostly do find them helpful so its lovely. live and let live. doctor LOVES youtube. i was just reminded of my video hate when i opened a TED talk link on my phone. so its on youtube and unless the browser is active, the video wont play. so while i wanna listen to it, i cant do anything else with my phone in the meanwhile. there must be a solution to this, its bullshit that i should stay on the browser tab to keep the video going?! 
okay ive googled the solution, it involves using the desktop version of youtube on chrome. what a hassle though. but will help me when i really want to listen to something i guess.

July 27, 2022

holiday month

ive been away from home a lot lately. in istanbul to see friends and our old neighborhood in may. in finland for work in june. then i started summer holidays and went to portugal (Cascais) to meet with Hanna and Carilyn. we had an Airbnb booked for a week. then after returning me & doctor directly left for Barbados for almost 2 weeks. so i’ve worked on climate change hard i think, filling past 2 years quota as well.

i think we’ve really fallen in love with caribbean, although i still like south east asia more overall. Barbados was lovely; hot, humid, beachy, green…   it was a pretty impulsive choice as doctors new residence card arrive just in time and then we scrambled to decide. i had been looking at maldives before, but we enjoyed caribbean last year and knew that a texan couple (Mike & Trent) was going to be in Barbados and they'd been trying to lure us over too. so why not?

we returned last wednesday noon, and after i had a 2h nap (well deserved after staying up 24h) Miriam messaged me, she’d been at Heathrow trying to return home, but the flight was cancelled. they left her hanging and she came to stay with us. i was honestly pretty tired so hosting a guest was not at the top of my list but at the same time it’s been maybe 8-9 years since i last saw her and we’ve just been in contact now since june so there’s been a lot of catching up etc. Lufthansa fixed her up for a flight on monday, pretty horrible to have your flight delayed by 5 days…. but the airports and airlines are a shitshow now. i think after all this traveling i dont mind staying away from airports for a while. except Miss R's bachelorette party is in august so... im going for that of course. i am the maid of honour best woman, after all. 

me and doctor watched the BBC docu on Mo Farah. pretty crazy the stuff that happened. and very touching. im happy there is a new season of Blown Away - its at the top of my "light feel good reality tv" list. now is the perfect time to focus on that and other fun shows while i polish my nails and generally do some self-care. i managed to hurt my knee somehow on monday, makes stairs painful... but otherwise i can manage, just have to be careful. it'll heal.

i’m tanned as F***. despite using SPF50 and trying to stay in shade.
Sugar Bay pool in Barbados
Harrison’s Cave
Sugar Bay had a lovely library. there were even finnish books. i didn’t find anything for myself but did contribute! i left Doing Harm by Maya Dusenberry there. the book made me furious but it’s my favourite topic so. on return i ordered myself a new copy. then Miriam came and i gave it to her. and now i should order yet another one... but its money well spent. 

we went on a catamaran tour as well, snorkeling with turtles and looking at shipwrecks. fun day.
the yard of our Airbnb in portugal.  we just chilled at the flat and caught up on things, we all live in different countries so dont get to see that often. a lot of wine was consumed while playng The Mind and 20 Questions.

Bath yesterday. cute town. we went to Thermae Spa, only natural hot spring spa. the water was so WARM omg i loved it (33-35c). 
can i just say the mobile network in UK is so crap. even in some central areas of London, like by the Shard. but Bath.. thats a whole another level.  in th center of the town the mobile network would come and go...  screenshot below. and these people are talking about building 5G. but what good is that when the network itself is so crap? sometimes i wish i just had FUNCTIONAL 3G.
(tilted pic of) a phone booth in Bath

something i cooked today. not big into cooking as everyone who knows me knows, but sometimes...  pasta or salad. this salad had:
potatoes (microvaweable...)
cherry tomatoes
feta cheese
+sauce of yogurt, olive oil, garlic, pepper, dill

May 07, 2022

female gaze

we were looking for blackout blinds for our living room, to make watching netflix easier in the summer... i was trying to google and learn about them, and this one page has titles like "are black out blinds eco friendly?" ummmm. buying ANYTHING is not eco friendly, but i think blinds are not at the top of my worry list. pls just tell me what materials are good and what i need to look out for. i mean for fucks sakes, im struggling with the basics here, how often do the battery operated ones need charging, does PVC surface reflect sunlight or is the colour all that matters…. anyway we eventually made a choice but since its custom made to the size we have to wait a little.

good things:
-our internet connections pings were 6ms and 16ms
-i got a surprise gift last week, a book called Three Women by Lisa Taddeo. from Jessica.
-ate in a local restaurant (Eco) 3 times the other week. that’s probably more than in the last year or 2 altogether.
-documentary called Some Kind of Heaven was really interesting
-we went to see The Worst Person in the World and i really liked it. it felt very real and while i couldn’t fully relate, on some level i did.
-basking in the sun on sunday at the park and in the livingroom
-visited my father and connected with my siblings last weekend

backyard in Klosterneuburg, Austria (sauna!). it happened to be nice weather.

testing the backside of blinds fabric samples. checking the temp in the sun. there was a difference of several degrees! they were similar colours in the front but some had a lighter backside to avoid sucking in the heat.

we went to see a local amateur comedy night with doctor.

we were planning to go to japan this summer, finally - 2020 the plan was cancelled. but then i realised they are not yet open for tourism and dont have any plans for that. so we started looking at million other places. first world problems "sooo hard to choose where to gooo". so privileged... uh. so anyway, while i was obsessing over hotel features we realised doctor needs to renew his residence card cos it would expire during the holiday. and those things are never fast here. fill forms, submit documents, go somewhere to give your fingerprints, and WAIIIIT. so plans are on hold, u just cant trust Home Office enought o go ahead with bookings, no idea when the card will come. im a little annoyed for sure, as always when things dont go my way, but i know we'll eventually go somewhere and all is well.

ive been feeling confused lately and still do. everything is confusing and im not able to explain it any better to anyone.

April 11, 2022


adulthood is googling vacuum cleaner filter cleaning instructions, entertaining your friends baby and worrying about bones getting brittle. hmm maybe that last one is middle age im talking about. but i guess that’s where i’m at, adulting but starting to get a feel of middle age and perimenopause too.

The Split
Lego Masters
The Voice of Finland 
Bad Vegan
Tinder Swindler

occasionally i consider fitness and health trackers. that usually lasts anywhere from 2 to 20 seconds.  not only do i not excercise with such purpose that id need to know my pulse when im walking or biking or whatever, but also regarding sleep, i know well enough how i slept - i don’t need to be told. whether i slept 6.45 or 7 hours wont matter exactly plus they aren’t that accurate anyway, which i guess everyone knows by now. Oura ring then, it’s touted for its accuracy.  but it measures your “readiness”?! like wtf is that even? do i need a quantifiable number for something i don’t understand? i know its just one thing they measure but was it necessary, is it really a selling point? and then i also circle back to; i kinda know how im feeling, what is this app going to tell me that i need to know but dont already know? ok so Oura has period prediction which can be great if u have an irregular cycle - although who knows if it works in that case. mine is fairly regular and my PMS is unmissable unfortunately, so i don’t need a ring to tell me it’s coming. furthermore Oura has blood oxygen monitoring which i imagine is great if you are severely ill with covid or something, apparently it can be sometimes hard to notice your blood oxygen dropping until it’s severely bad. but most cases you know. and if you’re healthy, then why would u need it? okay i seem to be just whining now, if someone finds the numbers from these trackers useful, then thats lovely (doctor has one and enjoys it). but except for specific things like some fitness related tracking, focusing too much on numbers and perfecting everything might not be healthy. i think its better to listen to your body and use common sense. 

all u can eat sushi at Inamo with Aleks and Raissa
our new rug.
a cat on the wall behind the corner from our home.  some kind of art thing i think.
on mother’s day last sunday doctor treated me (well both of us) this breakfast.
Museum of the Home in east london. it was actually nice. i especially liked these photos that were all from the same building.