i just cut my nose with a razor. err. how stupid can u be? i was in the shower, wanting to scratch my face or something and forgot that i was holding a razor... it did not feel good. and it certainly does not look good.

i got 7 hours before i need to get to the airport. i'm like halfway through with the packing. all i'm worried is that i leave a lot of space in my luggage so that i can bring all the stuff back that i buy. i'm never gonna be sending those boxes to myself in the mail again... i'm in a trance thinking of the orange chicken dish they have at this chinese restaurant in Hamilton.... its fuckin great, chicken marinaded in this orange sauce or something. uh.

last night we had this party, there was only 5 of us but we had a decent time. we cooked and drank and went to a bar where rounds of fishermands friend -shots were bought. i don't want to see my bank account :( i'd been psyching up myself about not getting a hangover, i really couldn't afford that today time wise, so despite drinking my ass off i miraculously avoided it. i didn't feel too good when i got up but in about an hour i was fine. the rule is to not go to sleep before u're only slight drunk or sober, and to drink loads of water. :) below is a shot from Ella's place.













/looks like i already wrote about the party thing this morning :o i had no idea. well, repetition is the mother of learning or something.


this week was an official book-week. i had all these books from the library, mostly biographies, and had to return them obviously, so i was trying to skim through them. i am keeping one of the books tho, i renewed the loan and hopefully i can repeat it a few times to avoid paying fines. the one i'm taking with me is by Atte Oksanen; Murheen Laakso: Mies ja kuolema raskaassa suomalaisessa rockissa. (Valley of grief: man and death in finnish hard rock). and while looking for the link i find its available as a .pdf online as its his pro graduate work. so, of all the books that i had from the library, i decided to hold on to the one that is available online. how stupid... well, i couldn't know. its ironic. i like real books a lot more than pdf's, but if i can avoid the weight and risk of loosing the book i think i'll leave it home. anyway in the book, Atte analyses, surprise surprise, the existence and place of man and death in finnish hard rock; namely, bands such as Mana Mana, Lyijykomppania, Viikate and Trio Niskalaukaus. the results can be shortly described as "men walk in circles, waste away, suffer and kill themselves, loose and are destroyed" (p. 5). out of those bands, i only listen to Mana Mana, which the also mentions to be referred to as the all time most underappreciated band in finnish rock. they brought in some of the heavy elements that are so popular in todays heavy rock, the angsty guitars and oppressive lyrics (in finnish). their story was short thanks to the singer/songwriter who killed himself (logical...). i adore the music, its so depressive and sarcastic. the eay it reflects masculinity, according to Atte, was a new viewpoint for me tho. u can read about it in the book tho if u read finnish.

speaking of suicides, someone from my chat program contact list whom i don't really know except very briefly and superficially, started talking to me today. because he had "no one else left to talk to". he said he has a bottle of vodka and 4,000 prescription antipsychotics. i'm pro-choice so to say, but i believe that most of the time suicide might not be necessary. then again what is done is done, how could u say that something that happened was wrong when it happened. because what happens must be accepted, and if its accepted then its sort of right? hmm. anyway i talked with him a bit, he seemed to be wanting attention and crying for help. when you still have feelings like that its unlikely that u kill urself, he had feelings of hate and disappointment towards others as well. he said he didn't take enough pills last time. and i said we never do ;) (makes u think huh) anyway then he said bye and i let him go.

Mana Mana lyrics translated by yours truly (and i'm no pro translator and it is obvious but what can u do...)

"that panic
that panic in your eyes
tells so much
tells so much about your soul
it is the same
the same as mine
in the beginning of a long road
looking for doors

because panic
is the brother of ecstasy
you will come to learn it
but not quite yet"
-Panic is the brother of ecstasy

"i got no money for even whiskey anymore
i have to do with cheap wine
and as i laid my last pennies on the bar counter
i think of of the day i last cried

because life
is a valley of grief"
-Life is a valley of grief

"you've heard of people
who make hate out of love
they're afraid of the perfection of everything
they made Lennon into meat

i wouldn't want to be part of that group, but what can you do when the deamon leads you
i dance with him till the sunrise until from pain i find the way of my sorrow"
-Way of my sorrow

"we commit suicides for love
we drink the bitter wine to the end
we build our own doors
and die when we will"
-Witches

o_O i need to finish packing... time is running out. lots of computer stuff needs to be transferred too. i think i've forgotten something.