and i think i really should end it with him, i feel like i got no control over things, as in when we meet, i just feel unimportant. and guess what Jen, you are unimportant. i knew that's my position and thought i could handle it but there are days when i cannot. i know what the deal with him is, so i either take it or i don't and that's all there is to it. i guess that goes for all relationships with people, you need to figure out what its about, and then decide if you'll have it or not. no use thinking it'll change or especially that you could change someone. you cannot and its degrading for u to try anyway so just swallow the reality.

i so wished this would last a little longer, despite the realities. i guess thats human nature. female nature? i'm worried that if i end it, as i unsuccesfully attempted before, i'll just go back again.