i slept most of the day. i was with him last night, and i never sleep much with him. not only because have other interests than sleeping, but i simply sleep most comfortably alone. but that's okay, its well worth being next to someone sometimes.

after sleeping i picked up my grandmothers christmas gift from the post office. and since then i've spent hours and hours on reading blogs. its weird, you almost forget yourself when you read enough of someone elses life. it can happen with a movie too. i found a list of popular finnish blogs and many of them do hold my attention for long times. i just read, from the first to the last post, the blog of a wife of someone serving life sentence (here). also, to my surprise, one of the blogs listed was by someone i know. not well, but know anyway. reading it i came to the conclusion she wouldn't like the fact that someone uninvited read it or recognized her...and that sort of makes me feel bad. its all so personal and intimate. but i cannot feel apologetic, if you put it online, anyone might read it. and a blogger must be aware of that fact at all times. knowing her and some of the 'characters' she writes about i felt like a peeping Tom reading it, but i must say she's a good writer. and fairly sharp. which i always knew. must explain why the blog is so popular as well. what is scary is that most of the bloggers on the list (list here) seem to be knitters. wtf. its sick. maybe the list is administrated by someone subjective. my favorite 'news source' Lehti was also listed. mostly reading all those blogs reminded me of how i havent blogged much in the past few days, erm, weeks.
other interesting blogs in finnish
ihmissuhteet ja tasa-arvo
kulutusjuhla
salakuunneltua
ensimmäinen avioeroni

wife beating rules in islam (according to someone - youtube video). bone breaking is not allowed. fuck i feel relieved now, i thought it was. its all good. (!!)


i realized christmas is next sunday. this week. somehow it sneaked up on me. but to be honest, thats good, i couldn't care less. on the 24th i am going to my ex's parents for christmas dinner as it became a habit in the previous 6 yrs and they seem to like me in a way. and while it can feel stiff, i appreciate their effort and i suppose they have dealed the christmas thingy quite nicely, not too much fuss, just a nice athmostphere. i appreciate it.

it feels like a lot happened today. the morning was in a way as usual, with him, peaceful and beautiful. although there's always the knowledge of how it cannot last, because its simply a fantasy in some way, but i'm still able to enjoy the moments it offers me. the fact that its only a passing little spark in my life makes it better. and it had snowed last night! i rarely care but this morning it felt special, it had been dark and grey for so long. sleeping was usual too. but the blog experiences made the day different. did a lot of thinking too. i'm kind of looking forward to tomorrow and the day after to see what happens.

my job for deviantART is done for now, i am no longer an admin. it was an interesting job and i got a lot out of it at times :) i especially came to appreciate my supervisor from the Policy Violation Team times, realitysquared, whom i later also met in real.


today 'Liar' by Henry Rollins amuses me. great lyrics too.