fuck i shouldn't be so negative. i decided i need to write down things (personal list) to make this all clearer for myself so i could handle it... and i mean, there's so much good... i remember asking for just one thing. and i got that and much more. i knew i was asking for trouble and went straight ahead... it's beautiful.

you should try it too.

yea that's all. i'm just jumping from one feeling to another and then right back. disappointment, disbelief, sorrow, bitterness, betrayal, gratitude, hate, self-hate...