March 08, 2007

i met a co-worker in the grocery store. turns out he just moved in the same address as me, i live in A block, he moved to B. but its basically the same building. he's kinda cool, studies law i think, and it shows in the stuff he says (at work). i like law and order-type of people generally. i like rules too much perhaps.

i'm too tired to write about things that really interest me atm.

as usual, the boss ran around handing out roses to each female in the department. last year the rose was in a better shape and i actually ended up doing the ultimate cliché and snapped a photo of it.

the situation at work is seriously starting to get to me. its so busy and totally fucked, like some of my previous jobs. yet i think if i wake up early enough tomorrow, i could go work an hour or 2 extra... i've spent so much money lately :( if i am myself at all though, i won't wake up until the very last minute and will make it to work just barely by 4pm.

mnoo sent me a b-day card :) in fact, i think the other kitty-card in the bg is from her as well. she has a thing with kitties wearing tiaras. (and i don't?) i am such a lazy ass with cards. not even that really. i admit i don't even try, it just doesn't cross my mind, card sending ain't my thing. so i feel slightly shameful when i receive cards from certain friends year after year. but i try to think it's what they do, and i do something else (that brings them joy), and its all good.

today was better than yesterday, or yesterday evening. its like, until it gets bad enough i can just brush it under the bed and drift back to the normalcy again. the issues are there but i try not think of them and succeed more less. he's coming over and i'm wondering what to do(say)...last night when i went to sleep with sleeping pills, i was already half-unconscious and disoriented when i decided to write him e-mails. something about how we need to talk and stuff, i don't know if it made much sense. today he reminded me about the things i'd written but didn't remember. Arttu said there's 2 sides in me, the other is the 'normal'/okay/happy one. and then theres the other...which apparently is very different from the other. i can see what he meant. its the darker side i try to keep from him, its so personal and i get the feeling he doesn't know how to handle it. but i don't know, since i don't even really know him, i think. of course i'd like to know him better, but at the same time i think its best if we keep a distance. at least i feel i need to.

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