i move around slowly to not make myself feel worse. my head feels sensitive. i chew the bread carefully. i am slightly ashamed for getting myself in this state, just like that. i was just sipping red wine and suddenly i was on the floor, wasted.

this phone thing is quite difficult. i'm probably the last finn using a landline, the surprised faces and queries like "WHY??" are endless when someone hears i got one. however, unfortunately i think this is the year when i will give it up. i was thinking of terminating the contract by the end of december but maybe i need a few more days to think about the timeline. its really distressing to think not having a landline phone where my mom and dad call and so forth. but if i just try change my attitude, step by step, i'll get there. this all started when i read in the news a couple days ago that my phone operator Elisa is rising the prices of landline calls. i got furious and would like to dumb their shit company this very minute if i could, but i'm desperately hooked on the phone :( i guess they'd be happy if i left, surely its not a good business anymore, this landline phone thing, and hence they raise the prices every couple years. its a dead field of business and they don't mind smoking the customers out. well, but i have to make decisions. i feel like i very slightly moved towards cell phones at the end of last year. i took one with me to Canada, and sent a few txt messages to a friend or two. also i already have 1 relationship only via cell phone, that would be him. he doesn't know my landline number and i don't remember his number by heart since i never had to. my cellphone is borrowed from Arttu and now i'm thinking of buying one of my own to help boost my shift to using it more, i have 1 unused christmas gift left, worth 100+euros. i'm thinking Nokia 6080. this is exactly the type of behavior that makes me dis cell phones. people don't remember that once they bought a landline phone device, which didn't cost shit, they used it for 15 years easy. mine is probably that age. now everyone spends 150-300e every year to buy a new phone. a phone!! yea now it has a camera and an MP3-player and all that but thats not related. altho it is often about upgrading, a fancier phone, more memory space, a better camera...i don't fuckin know...its either that or the old phone died. these things are not meant to last forever. with the landline phone, i never need to worry about charging a battery. or whether the connection is good enough. if i'm by the phone, the service works. no wait, once in 1992... oh and when i call Elisa or whatever and have to queue for 30minutes, it doesn't cost like anything when calling from a landline phone. i don't like the idea of my aunt calling me to ask whassup when i'm in a tram or in H&M shopping for clothes. well but i can turn the phone off or the sound at least can't i? yes i can, BUT will i do it? i will be just like everyone else, discussing my personal shit while sitting in a bus. its hideous :( oh well.

i can't finish this bread. i'm so dehydrated and yet look kinda bloated.

work at 4pm - not interested.