uppers and downers

well, i think i need to take a couple days off to reflect on my trip plans. i have now initiated it after all, the rest will follow.

i found a journalist/peace activist in Damascus who welcomed me to stay with him, so i am definitely interested in going. i learned that Damascus is the oldest city in the world, having been established around 10 000/8000 BC. anyway, all the direct train connections are canceled so it would mean a lot of breaks in the trip, bus, train, bus.... but maybe i dont mind. i spent hours last night trying to figure out the schedules and how to make them fit, knowing that trains for example might be hours late... err.

Esksehir is definitely on my list though now, since its basically a day trip almost. i cant find much motivation in myself to go to Ankara, perhaps i should try... find someone there or read about it? but its on the way to east anyhow.

one thing... i cannot believe what a failure i am. for half a year, me and miss R kept on talking about going to Stockholm on booze cruise, feb 17th... last year we had the same plan around the same time, but i booked the trip to barcelona then and crewed it up. so we decided to give it another try, since we had a 5e ticket offer. and we were joking about how i just need to remember to keep a couple of days of the year free in my calendar. and what do i do? yea. only 3 DAYS ago i still remembered the cruise, i really did, and was wondering how it fits if the new possible job would start halfway february for example... but then, in the knowledge that it shouldnt be starting until march 1st etc, and figuring out how to schedule the book cover stuff... i went so travel fever crazy i didnt see or hear anything else anymore... its not the first time this happens. when i see a slot and possibility to travel i effectively try forget all obstacles, and often do. oops. i am so ashamed. miss R is saying its okay. we hadnt even paid the pitiful 5e yet or anything, but thats not the point. i cannot even keep up to a simple task such as reserving 3 days of a year for something. how hard can it be?? beats me. i told miss R ill take her out eat and drink sometime, itll make me feel slightly better, this is so hugely embarrassing. surely, stockholm will always be there, close and easy to get to. so maybe we get there some day. i highly doubt though if she is willing to book anything with me ever again...:(

ive done my homework for the day. its getting tiring, blah. im so lazy. school was interesting for me because of social contact, especially when i was young and lived in the middle of nowhere. other than that i wasnt too interested, i just hung out, listened more less, tried to get by with as little effort as possible. and we see the results now, i still cannot master even the european geography :) yet i think i got 8 on geography most years (scale of 4 to 10).

next 'in school' i have...GRAMMAR! i totally have been expecting this with horror. and its just as bad as i thought, looking at the materials i just go face-palm. in practise, im really just gonna go for a nap now, this is so depressing...future, passive, adverb...WTF? :( :(