hard letting go of people and things and stress

nearly everything has been difficult, tiring and overwhelming the past weeks. not all bad, miss R is came for a visit and i enjoyed Science Museum 'lates' with a new acquintance Barbara. beyond that i have not had energy to socialize really. just too many things and bad luck to further pull me down. the other week i had booked a time for nails and a haircut, both places bailed on me with pathetic excuses and no notification. my laptop was acting up which drove me up the wall as it hindered my work, not to mention things that are not "under control" are in general not my jam. and random stuff, like i needed to try get rid of/sell a painting in finland that was sort of dropped on my lap. and then the person who pushed me to take it went on to tell another person that i TOOK it?! but they are 80+ so i think i have to forgive. nevertheless, i was hurt. HMRC sent me a menacing letter about reporting foreign income, and i am required to respond to it. i think i've done everything by the book and the letter is not suggesting otherwise, but it made me paranoid, like if i've made a mistake somewhere and it will come back to haunt me. tax evading immigrant?! and i've realises many of my friendships have a dynamic where i am typically the one to initiate the contact, like send a msg. i guess im normally fine with it more less and dont think about it too much but now that im feeling down its making me upset and sad. and lonely.


so i went to finland to my gran's funeral and then stayed to pack stuff in her flat. that was so eerie, being there without her presence. it was a tough trip. i enjoyed spending time with my aunt and seeing some relatives too, even my father who also attended the funeral as he was visiting finland. but overall tough. add to that dealing with the property purchase - we were sent the 'report on title' during my trip - and further issues with my laptop as i had to work on the last days of my stay...   so i was mentally and physically exhausted upon returning from finland.

one of the rings i took from my gran. bronze i suppose. my style although not my colour. 

 i went to finland without luggage so when it turned out i "have to" take stuff from my gran's place and bring over, i then also took her old suitcase. when i say 'have to' i mean i 'had the priviledge to'. the suitcase name tag had my grandfather's, my grandmother's and my aunt's details. my aunt had traveled to UK with this in her early 20s. no wheels or anything, this was one painful thing to carry. i think it's going to retire now, i was just glad it didn't fall apart on this last trip. 

 another random thing; small rug my gran had made. i decided it's the perfect seat cover so i dont ruin the seat by sweating on it all summer etc.

last week my lovely boyfriend husband doctor guy turned 40. while very positive, the surprises i had planned for him weighed on me too. luckily everything went well. on his actual birthday i took him out for a dinner in Clapham, just behind the corner from where we are buying the flat. and then for the weekend i took him to a spa hotel in Waterloo (Park Plaza). i pre-ordered a breakfast for saturday moring (if 11 is morning?) and in the evening there was a surprise party at a neaby pub. i've never organised one before so i was very stressed, but everything was perfect and he had no idea so the surprise factor was 100%. we had a lovely evening with friends and i think he felt appreciated which was the best thing ever. 

Park Plaza upgraded our room i think cos i had pre-ordered the surprise brekkie and told them its a birthday. when we checked in and they said "you have the Executive Room..." i was like errr.... ok. didn't want to say anything cos then i'd have to discuss the reasons for this upgrade with doctor. in the room there was a bottle of prosecco waiting for us too (in photo). and with the breakfast there was a little cake looking thing as an extra. well done Radisson... 

my new work laptop is supposed to arrive today. i left the problematic one in finland as it 'conveniently' presented new bugs while i was there. the swedish/finnish keyboard requirement meant that it takes a week instead of a day to get it. hopefully starting from a clean slate with a new laptop will make things smoother.

home buying process is supposed to be nearing the end with Exchange looming somewhere in the horizon. exchange will make the sale legally binding as we put in a deposit (10%), so although it's not done at that point i would say it's a milestone at which you can relax a bit. i'll be the first to admit though this sh*t is so stressful it's unbelievable... combining money & lack of control, and unknown territory as a plus, it's right there at the top of my UNfavorite things ever. just 'gotta get Theroux this', lol. i actually got the book for doctor as one of his smaller gifts.