everything is about the hair now. incl the last 3 or 4 posts.

head feels light, when all the weight is gone. walking back home i felt the wind at the back of my neck. and i can feel the hair there, too.

when laying in bed, i don't feel the hair tangled around me, i don't need to rip it to get free, it won't strangle me. when i want a shower from neck down i don't have to come up with weird mechanisms to keep it on top of my head.

when i put a sweater on i don't have to pull the hair out from underneath. when i put panties on the hair won't find its way there. when i reach for the floor i don't wipe it with my hair.

my vacuum cleaner won't get stuck with hairballs anymore. i probably won't find much hair in the washing machine either.

i can't hide behind it anymore.

in the morning when i was thinking about the hair stuff as well as the cell phone thing, i realized that not only did i need this relationship with him to have some change in my life, i needed it to be able to change myself. i think i had some of these things coming but they could not happen with the way things were. this relationship creates a totally different surrounding for my life, its almost like being abroad, and so i am able to let myself change. it feels much like when i was in Canada 2 yrs ago.