August 28, 2007

id forgotten the water is cut off until 4pm today, they're doing some plumming work i guess. i got up after 1 so i just have to hang in a few hours. not a problem. i heard of a case where someone, when they moved out of their flat, left the water running steaming hot in the bathroom. this was in april or something. nobody went in there until now, the humidity had caused mold to grow and hang from the ceilings, and some 20 000 000 or whatever liters of water had been wasted. poor africans could've used that...its like a 10 yrs supply of water. but alas, the water was not in africa nor was it ever gonna get there anyway, it was just wasted and we didn't even notice :(

i wrote on my notice board a list of things to be done today. now its 4 and i havent done shit. well, after carefully pondering that sentence and a lot of other things, i did manage to call and get a time to a therapist. i dont think its just crazy fucks who need a therapist, most people could use some. having been a frequent customer earlier, i think ive accepted it can be useful and dont associate it with just extreme problems. if i feel stressed and upset, i think i should do absolutely everything to change the situation, whether it means medication or a therapist. no measure is too exaggerated to readjust the situation. so, now i can go on with the day :)

ok, 1 task completed; i replied to some sort of interview regarding fetish photography. a very tough subject which is why i delayed it until the last moment. i am human, so i like when my opinion is asked, but these things...fetishes and art and all... i really have to concentrate. anyway this was a girl named Jess, she is doing her thesis on the subject, how fetishes relate to art or something i think. heres the whole thing;

> 1. What does "Fetish" mean for you, as an artist, as a woman?
i really would just refer to wikipedia,
of course i have seen and explored and thought about these things a lot, but i dont think they play a specific part in my life. i am perhaps very much at ease with the subject, i noticed it when we went to see the documentary "No Body Is Perfect" with my boyfriend. he seemed puzzled and questioned the things in it heavily, which to me was absurd.

> 2. How do you think Fetish fits into art? Or, how has art/photography
> helped for people to explore their fetishes?
art is a channel to express oneself, that alone can help not only their own journey into themselves, but for those who see it it might open up new windows as well. and to know that you are not alone with your things, to have the subjects searched and manifested in art can be very empowering and enjoyable. and its good art has many forms, not just landscapes and those things. it helps the society in general when these things (fetishes or any other subcultures) are not underground and hidden.

> 3. Do you consider Fetish a kind of "Art"?
no, its like any other phenomenon within humans. it can be explored and presented with the tools of art, just like anything else. but the concept itself is not art. sexual fetishism is...sexual, expression of your sexuality, more than anything else. you can make it art, if you want. but i belong to that group of people who see that art is defined by the artist, or in some cases by the audience, rather than by some artistic authority.

> 4. What is it about death, violence etc that attracts you? What makes
> you want to create images of this nature?
these subjects have always been with me, i didnt conciously pick them. not only are they interesting, like flowers are to some, but violence for example has puzzled me loads. i dont understand it, while yet it seems to be a very core part of the human nature. i suppose i have been processing the subject by photographing it, but its really also just plain interesting. we all know violence creates thoughts and feelings, i like when that happens. sex & violence are everywhere, if u look at magazines or tv, that part of pop culture is interesting and id like to play in that field i guess.

> 5. Do you think sex and death relate to each other? How?
both very strong elements and parts of human life, actually just like i wrote before. they appeal to the core of human nature in different ways, they have mysticism we want to understand. the other is related with life, which gives it a nice contrast.

> 6. Do you think your work conveys issues of voyeurism?
could be. thats what ive heard people say anyway.

> 7. Do you consider yourself a voyeur, as a photographer?
hmm, no.

> 8. Why do you think people become interested in Fetishes such as
> asphyxiation, bloodplay, sadism, etc? What about them interests you?
i dont know. i think the sexuality of a human has always been looking for different ways of expression, ever since the stone age when people had time for more than just hunting and reproduction. with more time and money in their hands, people have generally started to explore a lot of things and vary their behavior. i think sometimes its a psychological thing too, to balance some things or feelings out. and thats fine. i hate to say this but the latter question does do anything for me, i think i might be photographing subjects related to this just because they cause feelings and thoughts, much like violence does (=doesnt leave you cold). yet it doesnt cause much feelings in me. well, more than flowers do, but i cant really point it out. i just feel comfortable with these things, unlike i do with flowers.

> 9. Why do you think some people are offended by your work?
oh i dont know, people are so different. maybe its against what they find appropriate or against their ethical views or religion or they dont think world needs to see such things. and thats fine. but i dont know. and i dont care.

> 10. How do you see photography as an asset to the Fetish community?
sharing, expressing, enjoying art, creating something together, bringing people together, to give a voice to the community

> 11. What stops a Fetish photograph from becoming pornography?
i have no clue. and people see these things different, what i would call fetish someone else might call porn. so, how do you draw the line? i feel like an ass but im not interested i guess. when fetish photography sites are banned by school computers, it *does* bother me, but ... what can i do. the world is the way it is. but to the original question; perhaps when the main focus of the photograph is not in the sexual attribution of an inanimate object or exploring sexuality, but in plain explicit sex, that is meant to bring sexual relief over all other purposes. but, the line is hard to draw. ive wanted to explore this matter though, not from such a philosophical point of view, but to try balance on the line...i hope i get to it some day.

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