sugarcane

i went and bought 'fair trade' cane sugar from the nearby grocery store. its not brown but since its very raw i assume its good enough to test it in the shower. lacking soap, cuban women use it, and i decided to try it out too. maybe today would be a good time, my skin needs a good scrub. some of it is peeling off due to the burn in Cuba. symbolism...i was burned while still with F, playing in the sea, and now the skin is coming off as im alone.

last night i went to F's and we talked about ...stuff. he cooked and i felt like eating. i think it cleared out quite a few things. and if im not completely illusioned, i think i feel better today. i think ill eat today as well. i know ill feel down for still quite a while, but i believe its manageable. just have to wait. F said hed come see the kids one of these days. im saddened we never got a third one. and im sorry for everyone who thinks the kids-stuff is bullshit, sorry for they are wasting their time in judging others.

ill probably meet Arttu today as well. watch a movie or something.

im thinking peoples reactions to our break-up showed me news sides or confirmed me some things about them.

the photography festival thing in the fall is getting closer (its in Portugal). i will give a lecture, and a workshop in a school (16-18 yr olds) during that. and have my work printed on the spot, from where it will travel to different exhibition locations. theres many countries presented, from Syria to Poland to Indonesia. im very happy to show what little weird Finland has got ;)