last things

blogger is not accessible from istanbul (turkey?) today...connection problems or maybe the government found it offensive, who knows. had to come through a proxy.

tomorrow blogging from my dear helsinki again. yet, i wouldnt want to leave this place... i dont usually feel this hesitant to leave places...but this is different. i did not buy a single pair of shoes or one piece of clothing here. just food, public transport etc. as if i lived here. its felt good. been raining a lot, but i dont mind that. food is decent, people are still friendly and i like the athmosphere. simple as that.

of course, mr "doesnt know what he wants" had the opportunity to make or break this trip for me, and i took this risk, being that the option was not to meet at all. some hard times at first but the past couple days were really good and i found myself content with what we have or had. and i feel like closing the book for now. i mentally need to do that i suppose. rather than leave things open.

today, we were in this minibus-taxi thing, after breakfast, coming from Kadiköy to Taksim, and i looked at him at times. memorizing every detail. he reached to my neck to keep my smell in his memory.

last night we went to Ortaköy, hung out by the sea and ate stuffed baked potatoes. it was me and his friend. i was supposed to see Volkan too yesterday, but he had family matters to attend to suddenly, so it didnt happen.

today i just worked and slept pretty much. had a good final meal. how can i sleep knowing im leaving in a few hours?? :(