i spent the afternoon without internet. tough times.

i was thinking last night - looking at 2 hippies in a bar - how i never somehow fit in with the hippies. its hard to explain...its not like ive tried to immigrate into a hippie community or anything. i just always felt like hippies dont really like me, i cant really connect with them or something else. and i personally believe this is largely because they see me as too superficial or otherwise different to their style of life. thats how i always felt. then again, i dont really fit in with the trendy hipsters either. not the 90s yuppie kind, nor the modern organic everything kind... with trendy people i am definitely an outsider because im not trendy or hip and not very polished. re: modern hipsters, i dont grow my own tomatoes and i dont go to the latest overpriced cafes. maybe i shouldnt be sterotyping people? a lot of people just really do fit into stereotypes, more less... and it makes sense, people do kind of move in groups and associate themselves with groups....thats how humans are. i do fit certain stereotypes but i guess not those, not enough. there are exceptions and there are exceptions... i do know several hipsters. in many ways i guess i do fit that group. i vote green etc. modern hipsters are also tech savvy like me. oh and im not geek enough to hang out with geeks either.

okay that was useless mumble. none of it is important.

in elementary school it was more meaningful. i didnt have that many friends. a few very good friends though. i was "different" from the 1st grade although i dont think there was any reason. but within the first few years the guys started teasing me. sometimes (the popular) girls did too, in their own catty way. and soon enough i started to look different too. i wore make up earlier than others, then got into the heavy metal punk thing and blah blah... i was quite rebellious that way. but i never had issues with authority actually. got along well with teachers. but i wasnt the best student. not really interested in homework, i did just average based on what i heard in class. on the 7th grade i started getting interested in English though, i actually did my homework and more, optional novel writing. besides arts i think it was the only subject i was interested in. then naturally i got 10 in both (on the logical finnish scale 4 to10...).


i called doctor and lured him to come home before 11, it would be nice to spend an hour or 2 together...and i brought a couple 2-3e bottles of sparkling wine from Bulgaria, so i thought we could drink of those... i want some romance and connection... 2 weeks until the exam...