remembering Leonard

the past years blog writing has been almost arduous at times. 'arduosity' something im doing to myself, in my head, i think. some weird expectations, limitations.  i dont want to share too much of myself, and i am worried about the privacy of friends or the people i meet... and then there is alwys expectations of writing at least a few chapters before publishing...  where the F did that come from? when i started, i had the right attitude, i didnt give a fuck. i wrote as little or much as i wanted, and i pressed 'publish'. sometimes i posted a couple times a day i think. i dont understand why i am setting these rules to myself...

since the beginning of podcasts, i've been opposed to them, personally. i dont like videos where people talk, like educational videos, it never goes as fast as i'd like, i get frustrated. so it made sense - and still does - that podcasts are not any better. buuuut ive finally given it a proper go, and i admit it can work for me, in some situations. i guess it does have a lot do with the specific podcast. and i started with Love Hurts by Lea Thau. a danish woman talking about her love life, especially what's gone wrong, and in general about the expectations and fears that come to dating and relationships. i was listening to it sitting on a bus, on my way home, in rainy dark London around 9pm. it just worked. i was persuaded to this by Anna, a NZ girl i met through Vina (yay, the app is working!). she gave me a whole list of interesting podcasts to try out. such as
my dad wrote a porno    (not that funny i think, but ok)
the guilty feminist  (have not tried yet but sounds promising obviously)
2 dope queens
Love+Radio (link to "the living room" episode which i listened to and liked)

this afternoon we are supposed to go with doctor to see some area of the city we havent been to. need to just decide which one. it gets dark so early and it s a bit rainy and chilly so its not really fun walking around unless there is a lot of lights and stuff to look at...  and im not fond of long walks. we want to see busy areas anyway, keeping in mind we need to move somewhere by March 1st.

 i was sad to read about Leonard Cohen's passing. but it was so coming, he'd even said he is ready and knew it's not too far. his last album sounded to me like it was gonna be the last one, the lyrics were suggestive. of course he always flirted with the theme, and maybe just knowing that he was old, my mind automatically makes these connections...  either way it was his time and im happy i have so many albums of his to listen to. and the concert i saw in Helsinki was unforgettable, really touching. i also remember it for Avner & Elmor were there, and F & his then new gf (now wife) - so there was a level of awkwardness. but i'd decided to not be fazed by that awkward stuff, we had so many friends in common and i didnt want to make things difficult socially. that meant i took on some difficulty myself, but i rather did that than dance around social situations, i felt i should just soldier on.

"I was born like this, I had no choice
I was born with the gift of a golden voice"
indeed, that he did

following Trup with different points of view (heh, both below are from Guardian)