June 23, 2017

where do i fit in?

on sunday i went to this hotel (Britannia International) with Anna for a bit of spa time and chilling. originally, i bought this groupon deal for me and doctor, but he made a mistake with his schedule and was working on sunday and so on... i went with Anna. good times.

there, laying by the pool, i started reading Unwomanly Conduct: The Challenges of Intentional Childlessness. sounds so serious! but its a good book, its hard to find these voices speaking for women who didnt opt-in to have kids. like, how its usually spoken of as opting out. and ok, while the book makes it a completely choic-y thing such as eatings or not eating breakfast, i believe that reproducing is one of the main functions of any species, although we have the the ability to make conscious choices, there are some powerful 'forces' (hormones etc) that often override it - and that makes sense. not to mention women that have sex with men often get pregnant unless they actively prevent it... and naturally the pressure of society, families, what have you. so there is a element of opting out, too. but ive always been so focused on other stuff, i feel like it wouldve been an act of opting in to have children. and a lot of women in this book are saying the same thing. whether it was career or something else, kids just weren't part of the equasion. me, ive been focused on myself, my relationships with people and the world around, i think. they all take up so much time, and bring me joy, that giving it up didnt make sense. and maybe my biological clock is in a constant state of snooze, too, because i have certainly spoken with women who didnt think having kids "made sense" either, they just felt some small or big urge to do it anyway. or let it happen, via half-assed contraception methods or so. ill say that getting surgery - sterilisation - could be described as opting out though. you are literally removing an ability that you have, invading a healthy body, while taking the risk of anesthesia etc. i think because it is quite radical, it sparked me to thinking about all these things more, read more, although the clarity of not having kids was obvious before. i could say that i am examining this more now. surely my examination is also sparked by being in a new environment, trying to find my place and fit in, and going to a gyno and them taking history and me relaying the facts on form of contraception, how many kids, how many pregnancies... basic questions. and at the end there is an eyebrow raised, or i am just imagining it. while am at it though, i have to say ive had very pleasant experiences with NHS overall, the doctors and nurses in specific.

the other night we were out with docor and passed our local cinema, Ritzy. looking the films runing there, i saw something i figured must be finnish; Lake Bodom. i was right. despite the poor imdb rating and very low expectations of finnish horror ingeneral we decided to go see it. ill admit it provided a positive surprise, not amazing but definitely interesting and fun. i would recommend it, in fact.

hah, just learned there was a '24 hours in the A&E' type of documentaristic emergency department reality show in turkey - only it began and ended with the pilot. they started shooting it at doctors hospital, but we were in australia at the time. anyway i guess they failed at something and people didnt get interested and that was that. funny.

so in helsinki some of the city councilmen are planning on free contraception for young people. what a great idea, i wish it happened and was country wide. finland may not have great weather but it has a lot of other things to offer...    speaking of which; about midsummer.  as the writer points out, "In the UK, the only people who celebrate midsummer, or summer solstice as it’s more commonly known, are New-Age hippies, pagans and wannabe Druids". but swedes and finns apparently go to Hyde Park for midsummer. so tomorrow im heading there to meet a few friends.

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