i was supposed to go over to Arttu's parents for dinner, but skipped at the last minute. Arttu said i could consider not going when i told him how tired and pissed i was. i don't exactly have a lot of energy to go somewhere and behave mature and sit and smile for another few hours. the past 24 hours were enough of that. i sound so whiny. i myself chose to go to the wedding knowing full well how hard these situations are for me. of course there were positive things as well, good moments, nice people. but right now i've totally run out of humor. because, after drinking until morning, no one was able to drive by noon and we just hung around and sat in the fuckin car for a couple hours. i don't have a drivers license, and i was at this point sober and tired and wanting to go home. well, life is.

thats my shoe and him.












i think a nap and a sedative would be great now. but i don't have any sedatives atm so i guess that leaves me only with the nap. most likely i'll feel better after sleeping.

i took a lot of photos and shot some video too so thats nice. why do photos (future memories) make me happy?

Severin played Lovage to me when i was in Austria last may. or he just played it, and i happened to hear it. i keep wondering about these lyrics... or the song as a whole. what does it mean. reading and hearing are different things tho. the song is thought evoking.
"i'm a man [male voice]
i'm a goddess [female voice] [etc.]
i'm a man
i'm a virgin
i'm a man
i'm a blue movie
i'm a man
i'm a bitch
i'm a man
i'm a geisha
i'm a man
i'm a little girl
i'm a man
and we'll make love together"
Lovage: Sex (I'm A)