i have a friend almost my age... a few yrs less i think. she's been living her first relationship just now. with the culture and environment she lives in, its normal. the society does not support pre-marital relationships at all, so i dont think even her friends have had any or at least didnt dare to tell. anyway its funny to talk to someone my age, when they are so "n00b" with relationships and men "he said he will always love me, if he meant it, how could he now be leaving me??". and thats not dissing at all, i was the same, its just weird... well, the thing with men is... how do you explain these things? its interesting to have to go through the basic stuff all over. maybe reconsider obvious thoughts a bit. so what do u do if a guy cheats? how much jealousy is too much? what about when you feel you have been wrongly treated? and wtf do you do when he breaks up? whose fault is it? what are you supposed to do? pretty god damn important questions when you're in the spot :( oh boy.

Tarantino's Deathproof was a slight disappointment. maybe because it wasnt on a the big screen (but TV), maybe...whatever. but it didnt evoke much feelings in me... yay girl power, sure...but that was about that. Rodriquez's flick had a lot more effect on me.

and tonight i watched My Life Without Me. it put things in perspective which i was hoping for. i love such movies. i recommend. what do you want to do before you die. simple, but really quite fascinating. make a list, will you.

for a nightcap, im reading J.Greene's Psycholinguistics: Chomsky and psychology. an old, old book. a small one, too. i dont quite know what to expect of it. if i get halfway through before falling asleep that'd be just enough.

tomorrow (and this is the list i have written down), i oughta
fill my tax report...
go pick up the stereo i bought from the mail office (if its arrived)...
if i go pick up the stereo, i should take the bagful of clothes to the charity fleamarket...
wash one load of clothes in the washing machine...
develop Ella's photos from last week...
have a shower...
call a lawyer regarding the terms of service at the website which im working on at my new job...
call mom tell her im going to see her on thursday...
and call IKEA ask if they have not got the things that were out of stock a little over a week ago...

i am doubtful whether i can do all that before 5pm or so when F comes over. but if i go to bed now, which is at 3:30... i just might. might need extra dose of caffeine tho.

i dont know what is it with me and old photos lately. i open the folders, look at old stuff. i guess im trying to get a feeling. trying to remember... i open the photos, look at them with new eyes. some i like more than i used to, some less.

Heidi. not manipulated. i like the hopeless darkness. of course, its her look that is hopeless too, in my opinion. but the hint of red is there, and red never leaves you cold.