September 15, 2009

hard to choose sometimes is a new favorite. i love peoples secrets and mistakes and embarrassements. not even out of 'schadenfreude', but curiosity.

i was supposed to meet another deviant today but she had to cancel last minute and so i have spent an easy evening aain. just shower, dinner...some walking around... and im sleep derived cos i didnt sleep much last night either (no reason, just my typical 'cant sleep' thing), so after this post im going to sleep! with my new project i need to work a full week and im going to the office every day.

this morning was shit tho. i need to take a cab from the subway station, and the drivers are sometimes so clueless about where to go. like this one. i have a map printed, where the subway and the office location are circled and the correct driving path is marked with dots...but nooooo, this guy cant read a map (any more than an address)! after half and hour and him having asked everyone in that part of town for direction... we got there. he was somehow smart enough to realize this did NOT go well, and did not ask for anything. i realize its a huge fuckin city and they dont know the streets, but so how about having maps with you that you CAN read or something? learn to read maps, its ur job to find places! *rages* i wish the subway was close enough so i could walk...

im really just frustrated when i cannot communicate with cab drivers. almost everyone else understands a word or two english, cab drivers dont. and of course i feel like a rude obnoxious bastard talking my english to people who dont get it, as if they were supposed to. i know theyre not. and i cant help it, i really cant speak a word turkish and it looks like im not learning it anytime soon. i wish there was some language that wed have in common. my poor spanish. something. i can speak french more than turkish! and i really wouldnt say i speak french, at all. i feel helpless and stupid :( :( (not enough to not wanna move here tho - just saying!)

regarding the project, i went to talk to the guy whom i know is doing the same project here in turkey, in the hopes that he could help me with a content management system that im confused about. turns out he thought i was at the office to help him and his colleague with the project. they have not started it yet and know less about it than me. theyve got 2 months to finish it together tho. im supposed to have it up early next month. im not smiling.

im txting with mr "...whatever". i must be the stupidest fuckin idiot on earth? but i dont care anymore, do i? no wait, did i EVER? *rolls eyes*

the hostel im at would deserve a post of its own. "best hostel in istanbul in june 2009" according to but that doesnt really say anything. its the owner that is like a father of the place, knowing whos in and whos out of "home" at any given time. and what happened was that on saturday as i returned from my nightly endeavours, he was all "where were you???? i was awake until 6am waiting, you shouldve called!!!!"... err. i mean; ERRR? what? the next evening i told him i might be out late but i am safe with friends. no need to worry.

a song ive been listening to the past month is Vesa-Matti Loiri's cover of Hetken tie on kevyt (youtube link).
someone has translated the lyrics as follows

"For a moment the road is easy

I know you, little sister
Even though we just met
With so many faces before
You have lain beside me

Your tangled hair on your breasts
Fog of the dawn in your eyes
Wet meadows, valleys of dreams
Turned into flesh in you

Walking alone through the night
One may find someone alike
And for a moment the road is light to tread for us
Not the distance, not the years
Nothing will separate us
If I could hold you for a while as my own
...And forget

When in your dreams little sister
You sail on your moon boat
And a morning star on your forehead
You amble on the edges of the night

Rainy islands of west
Cherry blossoms of Japan
Like south and north
Everything is for us


An eternity, only a sigh
One night like a whole life
A thousand springtimes in your scent

Not the distance, not the years
Nothing will separate us
and for a moment the road is light to tread for us"

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