August 31, 2015

lalala... "jenni's wedding planning diary"

and more on the wedding...(...!!)   mainly my musings on the process...

prior to our relocation plans, the only practical reason i had considered a 'pro' of being married was giving and having some legal rights, like being the emergency contact etc.  these things are accentuated especially when u live abroad. anyway, we took a few weeks to think about it and then decided that it feels good, so lets go ahead. we also agreed to just 'get it over and done with', go to a register office and thats that. not in a negative way, but arranging a big ass wedding didnt sound right, nor did it seem feasible (financially or otherwise).

while we contemplated the possibility of marriage, i googled for places. i looked at Lisbon, but it was too soon in relation to our holiday approaching, and there were some practical issues related to their requirements. we thought about London, but as we are foreigners and doctor is from outside the EEA, we wouldve had to visit UK 2 times, once to 'apply' for the right to marry, and then a month or two later for the wedding. finland was an obvious option, but with so many friends and family there i had a feeling it could turn stressful and one-sided. and actually we started feeling like getting married in a 3rd country would be nicely impartial and whimsical :) although Vienna is not 100% impartial, me being born there. and my father lives there, that was a practical bonus. since we were heading to Budapest in August for Sziget, and its a few hours from Vienna...  and the Austrian requirements were quite feasible... 
what Austria requires for a foreigner's wedding;
  • certified copies of passports
  • birth certificates (with apostille)*
  • proof of residence*
  • certificate of no impediment (ie. paper saying youre eligible to marry)*
*has to be translated to German by a certified translator
luckily both finnish and turkish magistrates could print birth certificates and certificates of no impediment in german directly. i was especially surprised it was possible in turkey, too. in finland i had to pay for apostilles and wait for a week (i did this during my trip in helsinki). in turkey everything was free and they printed them while you waited - u never know when turkey surprises you...  there was a slight setback when the austrian registry office realized id been born there. they then wanted an Austrian birth certificate from me, but once i gave them info where in Vienna i had been registered (my father had to dig deep to remember!), they found it on a computer and it was fine. that brought up the 2nd issue; i had been given my fathers surname at birth. so i had to get a decree from the finnish magistrate about my surname change.... frustrating. BUT considering i learned this on a friday at noon, and with the help of a friend in Helsinki and priority mail, i arranged the paper to the Viennese registry office by monday morning at 9am....  i think i did well. overall, collecting the papers took us a couple weeks, and they processed everything in about a week.the Viennese registry office (specifically a woman named Bettina) was super helpful, speedy in replying & very friendly, we were really happy with them.

to get a certified copy of my passport, i had to get it translated to turkish, the notary could not otherwise deem it as genuine... this is what a passport translation looks like :D

i always said that i would not get married in turkey. i cant rationalize it, i admit its mostly psychological. its like im just trying to avoid the government and everything official, i dont want any more "legal ties" to this country, although i know that being married here doesnt really tie me to anything...  in fact there are perks in being married to a turk, some things get easier and you get gov health insurance via your spouse. if i want to give any practical excuses, id say the paperwork & compulsory blood tests for a foreigner to marry are too much work. and that the registry offices (or 'wedding halls'), while its considerate that they have made them very festive and pompous, are not to my liking style wise. but its possible to have the ceremony outside the registry office too. also, from the get-go, they would force me to take doctor's surname. i could then file a request to have a double surname, which is now possible for women, but NOT men. finally, while turkeys marriage law is generally european (being adopted from switzerland), divorce can be a bit trickier. hoping it wont go to that, of course, just being rational.

(turkish wedding halls, brought to us by google images - fair use?)

having a small ceremony (and keeping it a secret) was a major lifesaver, considering how stressy i can get even over a house party...  in this process i nevertheless got stressed, mainly for the paperwork in june, when we were waiting for the austrian registry office to confirm everything and it was cutting close to their 'registration deadline'. and when we first decided on Vienna and my father called around, we learned all of august was booked and the first available times were in october! wtf! the whole thing started very nonchalantly, "lets just go to a registry office somewhere, sometime...", but when i set my mind to Vienna & august, i got obsessed, as is typical of me. i pushed my father to call around for cancellation dates and considered nearby municipalities and whatnot. then, thankfully, my father got us a cancellation date on one of the days i had requested.

as the ceremony appointment we got was on the 11th, we missed Florence & the Machine who performed at Sziget on the same day. but such is life. we still made it to the festival on time basically.

it was really hard to keep this a secret from everyone. it also felt like cheating, especially when it came to close friends...:( but it was best for everyone, now no one had to think about gifts, i didnt need to answer questions, i couldnt get myself too worked up, no one could be offended about not being invited... (until after the fact...)...and then we had that small house party when we returned home, anyway.

i was never obsessed with having a wedding, but i did know that if i have one, id want Marianne to shoot it. we met through photography like 10 something years ago...and she became an established London based wedding photographer with a distinctively wonderful style. how cool is that?  now, since we chose vienna and a small budget registry office thing, when i came around to actually thinking about photography, that seemed to go out of the window. i decided to ask her for recommendations though, like maybe she would know someone in vienna. no such luck. but within 24h i had booked her after all! so that escalated quickly... in the end photography was the one thing i really wanted to invest in; i appreciate the craft, i appreciate quality photography, i love Marianne's style and it IS nice to have memories that are visually pleasing. whether wedding or otherwise. jenni wants photos!

photography put some pressure on me though, wardrobe wise etc. while at times i was pretty uninterested in what to wear, the thought of it being etched in jpg's made me really think twice. same for doctor's attire. being so photography focused has its price...

which shirt for doctor??!

we both felt like keeping our own surnames was sensible, and rings were not so important either. we can get something later perhaps, something to wear on special occasions...but i dont see myself wearing the same ring every day everyplace. there was no time to try and find suitable rings anyway, im so picky.

considered these shoes, too. but in the end felt like shoes deserve some more attention, so they oughta be pink! 

picking a dress was hard. finding anything from a shop here seemed impossible so i headed to new or 2nd hand, i didnt care at this point, i got potential dresses for a few pounds + postage and tried my luck. then i took them to the tailor of course, i hate O-necks and babydoll style and nothing is ever exactly how i want it...

some candidates;

this is my chosen dress, before and after a visit to the tailor (neck & dress part changed). 

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