facepalm year

i googled "london nye" to see if theres anything online maybe arranged by the city. clicked on the appropriate link and was greeted with this lovely pop up. i get that they need to be pretty straight forward with the messaging. anyway, behind that pop it said theres something on BBC. might check out.

uk is breaking records daily with its covid infections. how surprising.. pfff. ive had ups and downs this year but honestly i feel like ive managed really well, ive been mostly really content and zen. i didnt get too upset during first lockdown even though i stayed indoors7 or so weeks. and the rest of the year i was kind of ok too, able to enjoy the slow pace of things at home. i saw things getting worse in the horizon and i was like "oki doki", it will be a long winter but oh well.  but now, with the very unplanned christmas and days of sitting at home being off work, ive become "unhappy". not sure if thats the right term for my mindset but ill roll with it. NOW, what was like a shrug before, is suddenly depressing and hopeless. when they allow businessess to open again some day there wont be any left. theyve all gone bankrupt. so im looking at  months of darkness and 'nothing' and then, after that, some more sad nothingness as everything has gone bust. i guess this must be how some people have have felt all year, like its just an endless shit show. many friends have moved away, too. so that enhances the emptiness. even if and when restaurants open again, i have less friends to go out with. i think this is at the core of my somber mood too. not only am i sitting at home but  theres less and less people nearby to spend time with even if it was allowed. but i do blame the holidays. its good to have a break from work but maybe right now.. it was not good. suddenly sitting at home with nothing substantial to do, nothing to look forward to... im wondering if i should cut my holiday short, i still have almost a week left? 

we had some visitors in feb and march, friends staying over. that was great. and i did get to have a lovely birthday party + housewarming in early march with a few friends. and a few days after that several people were ill with flu like symptoms. my other party in helsinki was cancelled as doctor started to feel ill. but at least there was one party this year, i remember it fondly. thats probably the last time i hugged people. i saw a couple friends in helsinki but by then we were not hugging i think. later, the two of us celeberated our 10 year anniversary at home with take away and board games. and since then, weve done a lot of that. its been a takeaway year. for me, its also been a year of podcasts and loads of puzzles. at work i got some more responsibilities and got to learn a lot in a new project. started doing some API testing with Postman. i did not learn crazy new skills or expand on my cooking experience this year, i was happy with just existing and enjoying the small stuff i guess. doctor on the other hand did some fermenting and other kitchen stuff. he luckily did not suffer too much from the covid situation at work, chaos and rush was standard in turkey. and now during holidays he is the one mentally more sound, doing daily excercise and whatnot. but occasionally it was the other way around, i was excited about board games and going to romantic dinners when restaurants were open. visiting Liverpool and Manchester were highlights even though many places were closed. that says a lot when visiting Liverpool is a highlight of your year lol. although to be honest i genuinely enjoyed the city and hope to go back some day. i also read more than usual this year. then i fractured another toe. and we got the windows done just to realise the flat gets a tad TOO WARM now. live and learn? we started doing regular walks, with doctor and with Jessica who lives nearby. and before they moved away i met some other friends at the park too. defo most picnics ive ever had in my life. also, the least shoes ever bought in a year. probably used like 4-5 different pairs all year. also it was a year of putting together our home. it was mostly done end of last year, im glad i squeezed it hard then cos i realise now that once u settle down, the small stuff never gets done. but so we did do some things during the year, a new socket here, a new shelf there and so forth. the home stuff was very positive. also Joe Biden's victory was a relief. probably the only 'generally' positive thing this year (meaning not personal for me).

books from this year (not necessarily the best ones but probably, at least most memorable or interesting):
Kate Fox: Watching the English
Obama: Promised Land
James Davies: Cracked
David Hand: The Improbability Principle
John Lydon (Johnny Rotten): Anger is an energy
Caroline Criado Perez: Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men
Sara Wachter-Boettch: Technically Wrong: Sexist Apps, Biased Algorithms, and Other Threats of Toxic Tech

my spotify most played songs 2020. also in partial screenshot form.

the other night we got proper turkish food.

its interesting to see alcohol advertisements on television as in finland nor turkey that didnt really happen. this Bombay Sapphire ad was on ITV and i was just like woah.

im reminding myself of summers with my grandmom by watching some episoes of old Hercule Poirot and Midsommer Murders online. those were good times, she really enjoyed detetctive shows and i learned to enjoy them too. 

the park looks as sad as me.

and no, nothing magically changes tomorrow so im not sure 2021 will be better at all, im not "looking forward to the new year". people have high expectations because of the vaccine but i dont. at least in UK. theyve only given 800k first shots by today, and people need TWO. the new plan since yesterday is to give the first shot to as many people as possible - and the 2nd shot...later. were either pfizer or Oxford vaccine tested for that?? i already see this going horrible wrong; people getting the first shot which may not give enough immunity and then missing the 2nd one cos its so poorly organised or production issues or whatever, or maybe the effect just wont be 'enough' if u get the booster too late. so then u get first some immunity, which fades away and then u just repeat that. and in the end no one has the "95%" immunity that the vaccine should provide if administered properly. i hope im wrong and too skeptical. either way, i see travel soon opening to those that are vaccinated and me not being vaccinated like, ever. and even if i was, if vaccinated people can still spread the virus, i guess nothing really gets easier?  meh.