my 3rd video! well, it's really just me and Kev eating in a restaurant, nothing interesting there. almost ashamed to call it a video cos the word 'video' lets you into thinking that its something interesting and cool. which is not unfortunately what i just produced.



Kev woke me up around 12 or 1 cos he was making pancakes. buttermilk pancakes are a big deal around here, they're very fluffy but taste kinda nothing on their own. however, with butter, strawberry jam and whipped cream, all at the same time, they can be really tasty. great breakfast. after which i needed some more sleep.

i've been thinking of relationships and stuff. we avoid situations, or engagements, that could cause us harm, in other words, pain. i think i'm rational, but with people i'm all about emotions, i simply cannot base my decisions on sense, i am forced to go with what i feel like. obviously, sometimes going with feelings rather than brain causes extra pain. but, isn't it so that we only feel bad if there was a counter emotion? such as positive expectations, positive experiences...anything with endorphin. you feel bad after being cheated by your bf/gf because you loved them and trusted them, and the positive emotions encountered with them emphasized the 'goodness' of it all. can someone whom you don't care about hurt you? i doubt it, not much anyway. we miss things because theres something worth missing. we feel heartbroken because we first feel in love. the negative cannot appear without the positive (which i think IS quite positive to begin with). the same goes for friendships and all. the question is, can the negative end result be stronger than the actual positive enactment? i think there's 2 reasons why we would think it is and hence avoid the whole ordeal, just to avoid the negative. firstly, people are so optimistic and often imagine and/or hope that there is no negative aftermath (this could be true but is rare, don't count on it hehe). so when it comes, they're taken by surprise and shock. the negative emotions like the feeling of being betrayed, feeling of loosing something, missing someone, being heartbroken, lonely and all these things, they might come fast and strong, and if you don't expect them to ever come. well. not saying that there is always a feeling of betreyal or loneliness for example, they're just pretty common, and people cheat a lot etc. secondly; the positive emotions that led to the negative ones are built up over time. so it might not feel fair when the negative ones appear so suddenly. i'd like to believe there is a balance though, as in the negative not being able to surpass the positive. some people, like me, are more inclined to get depressed and upset over things and dwell on them, but still, then there's a likelihood maybe that they feel the positive feelings stronger too. all in all i think it is a decent deal, i'm not saying all human relationships end in pain, but many doo, and it's fair. if you get something, you loose something. or you have to be willing to give away something if you receive something. you just have to make sure it's worth it by fully experiencing all the positive feelings. but i've noticed my opinion on relationships sometimes vary from that of the mainstream, i cannot understand it, i am always right.

in addition, cheating is more common that people would like to think. either that or i just always end up talking with 'cheaters'. i think people divide themselves in 2 categories, those who cheat and those who don't. but i don't agree, anyone might do it, not all do, but i think most end up cheating in their lifetime. and those who don't, well they're not much different, it's so dependant on situations and opportunities and all. i'm not wanting to make the human kind sound all bad. the problem is, cheating is considered 'really fuckin bad' and while i agree it's not nice, there must be something natural to it because it occurs so often. it's among the things hardly anyone dreams of doing, but many end up doing anyway... so cut ppl some slack. we're such hypocrites, dooming others for something that unfortunately seems fairly natural for people and we're no better even if we don't engage in it...

news in finnish.

i fuckin hate iTunes. all their shit (apple's) is so non co-operative with other stuff, you use their calendar and well, don't even dream of sharing it with your PC's or palm or whatever, well unless it's apples of course *dry laugh* . and now that i'm in canada, how should i be listening to the poor bloody CD that i bought from iTunes when i was at home? sure i could somehow register this computer i guess, i have the recollection that i can share the material that i bought among 5 devices/computers... and i bet it's just as fuckin "easy" as setting up the fuckin iTunes thing was in the first place. i'm not even gonna try. when i get home...i'm going to do everything in my power to get my CD in ANY other form that apple's fuckin mpwhatever and then kick that fuckin program the hell out from my computer. i don't like the thing, why can't i use my winamp or any other player to play that shit. i don't want to be governed and pushed around by whatever apple thinks is best for me. or whatever they feel is best for their shareholders, it's a company people. companies are supposed to make money above all. i support shareware and and open source stuff. and fuckin quick time gets updated like every fuckin week, and if u want to watch the trailers on apple's site u have to install the new version quite often. and there's the whole avoiding the installation of iTunes thing with the quick time thing there... in general, when you install anything on apple's, no matter how customized the installation, you're gonna end up with a lot of their shit in your start up menu and system tray and have all your files associated with apple whether u want it or not. it's like a fuckin brainswash, nothing user friendly about it.