my head is empty. i slept perhaps 3 hours last night, which was my own fault of course...and when i realized i wasnt going to catch sleep easily enough it was too late to take a sleeping pill. i wouldve been very drowsy in the morning.

and the workday lasted forever and i had tons of caffeine.

at home, several packages of underwear from eBay were waiting for me, so that made it better. i have to admit none of the stuff was actually very cool in the end, worth the money sure, but not worth what it really costs in a store. but i guess thats why we use eBay? Gossard and LaSenza, since the latter has spread all the way to the UK. youd think american eBay was better, and sometimes they do have good stuff, but the shipping charges are unreal, not realistic at all. i dont think ive bought anything from there so far...

im sorry but one thing i never understood was babydolls. i get its "special occasion"-stuff... but its NOT HOT! its ridiculous. id never fuckin wear that. hmm, altho when its to the direction of a corset and has suspenders, it does get kind of intersting, see this pink thing. cute. yet, i wouldnt have use for it :( i would like to, however! i just can't.

and! why do suspender belts often only look nice int the front? the back is important...

but then i got really pissed off, it had been growing throughout the day. someone got on my nerve, and was pushing me. i felt like saying fuck off but of course i didn't. i was all normal and said something else and hit my head to the wall while saying it. i always behave a certain way in this certain situation and it annoys the fuck out of me, i can see those situations coming from far away and i know exactly how its going to go. and thats how it goes. well, its nothing thatll kill me, maybe ill learn some discipline from this or something... (because the consequences of what i said are annoying and long lasting). so here i was, upset and needing comfort. and this bit is bad and sad: i made myself a drink. its good though, i recommend;

1/3 coffee liqueur
1/3 '43' liqueur
1/3 vodka

it has a kick, and its sweet. and it warms me up, im freezing. the change in weather has happened fast, suddenly im cold and my skin is much dryer again.

my friend Neom, from Toronto, had made this sort of entertaining visual video of a workshop shooting. duting the time ive known him hes turned from i dont remember what to a full time photographer. he certainly wasnt a photographer when we met in dA. its wicked how the lives of people around you change... before you notice someones changed their whole life.

k im druink i better stop blogging

i heard this book has come out too (it has my photo 'song of the siren' on the cover) the girl is Lia, austrian. would love to do another shoot with her some day. i havent received a copy of the book for some reason but i wrote the publisher and asked now. i really need just the covers, stuff like that serves as a nice memory.

Jaska was over here today, we went to eat chinese and then discussed our upcoming trip to Asia, most likely Vietnam. he asked me if id read the Satanic Bible. i havent. i simply havent been interested. and i still aint really, but i guess i could educate myself a bit. ill check it out.

my alone-week is going by so fast, its already thursday. thankfully i have the weekend off. i did do a bit of website-work today as well.... and the book Bullshit and Philosophy arrived today, by FedEx! since when did Amazon partners send books by FedEx? i now have a huge pile of books to read, i have started on some of them. some of my eBay underwear arrived in mail as well, and i sent picture-messages to F from my cell. i am trying to be effective now, i am well on the way filling the wardrobe. the huge pile of clothes on my 2 chairs reveals surprises. very old stuff underneath... i am trying to go through everything and wash the dirty ones. i found a shirt in the pile, trying to figure its 'status', i remembered the last time i used it, which was last year. when me and F made first contact. we were co-workers, but beyond that i mean. anyway, i was quickly brought back to the fact that i have technically dirty clothes hanging around for such long periods of time... i havent missed it i guess, but it should be clean when i do. a shirt probably doesnt get dirty from one use, but after being in that fuckin pile...now i think it is. but i think it was tight the last time i used it, so it might not even fit me anymore. what am i supposed to do? store it somewhere at the back of my closet?

i am sneezy, very clearly allergy-type sneezing. i wonder what i did this time, i think its been like any other day. *allergy meds*

oh and i impulsively ordered business cards last weekend... they arrived today. i guess im changing my tactics with the photography-issue. i try to set up the circumstances and "framework" for the photography, hoping that would eventually make me actually do photography as well. yea, i am skeptical of this approach but i am doing anything and everything i can... if it works its worth it and if not, oh well, at least i tried? if i fail i then have 250 (!! it was the minimum) unused business cards in a box. i did give one to Jaska right away because its just nice looking in my opinion. i used to have a small quantity of business cards earlier, simple home printed without a picture. im not actively oriented in getting freelance jobs, i use the cards to give to potential models or something. if i see someone i would like to shoot. if the picture on the card freaks a person out too bad then they are clearly not my type of model anyway... :)

front/back













for very cheap (and okay quality) business cards, i recommend VistaPrint.

what else....yea i also asked Tony to return me the monitor calibration spyder he was borrowing. my monitor hasnt been calibrated in ages. i got it yesterday. and ive arranged my photo-related papers neatly in my new shelf thing. ive arranged receipts and stuff for taxation. lots of little things... id also like a new Wacom pen tablet (bigger) but i think i shouldnt invest into that unless i really do get back to shooting, the good ones are bloody expensive :(

i got almost everything on my shopping list, my new visa from the bank and a birthday card for a friend and so on... but i ended up buying a lot of other things too. as usual. i didnt have any food at home so when i finally got to downtoen, i was hungry and had to spend 6,90e on sushi (delicious, light). but spending that much pissed me off.

i was on a mission to get pale pink nailpolish too, i used to go for really dark colors but now im all about pink and other easy-on-the eyes tones. i ended up with 3 which again made me feel guilty even if they were really cheap. with nail extensions, the quality of nail polish isnt as important, itll stay on the plastic-like surface forever, no worry about chipping, and it seems to dry faster too. and of course the raw materials, whether they have vitams and iron and shit thats good for the nails, that doesnt matter, u dont have to pay for that. anyway, my nails are kind of fucked now, but getting these motivates me to fix em. it is sad, tho, when you motivate yourself with material things. i am aware of it, and figure that i dont care while "i can".













a few books... i decided to give Stephen another chance, i kind of got fed up with his stuff a few years ago. as a teen i read like every book hes ever written. im not sure if Pilluparvi even means anything, but the direct translation is like cuntcrowd or similar. a somewhat feminist book giving the voice to young women to tell, how they feel about growing up in a society where sex sells everything and womens bodies are über objectified.













and new shoes! suede :)













i got some underwear (panties because i threw some away as planned) and a tshirt but i have been wondering lately if i only buy tshirts, this blog is full of tshirt photos. i should maybe try to buy something else for once. i got a nice tshirt from espoo ciné as well (free, because i bough t so many tickets), but for the same reason kept the photo to myself. yes, i take photos of everything.

tomorrow is one final day off, then work, and then the weekend off again. i did work today though, with the website project. Arttu and i were trying to figure out some mac related problems and discussed web marketing and stuff...

and why mac sucks? lets start with...programs opening more slowly on mac. :)

laiskat suomalaiset ja kreikkalainen mytologia

"suomalaisnuoret tekisivät vähemmän töitä kuin muut eurooppalaiset" by HS
vastavalmistunut suomalaisnuori odottaa tekevänsä ensimmäisessä työpaikassaan n.42 tuntia töitä viikossa. kysely tehtiin korkeakouluissa ja yliopistoissa (mikä selittää paljon, en usko samaa kampaajista).

mutta karua on. minä en voi kuvitella tekeväni noin paljoa ensimmäisessä enkä viimeisessä työpaikassani. pistää oikein filosofisesti miettimään että mitä olen missannut, harvemmalle työ nyt suurta riemua on, sopii vaan toivoa että siinä jotenkin pääsisi osaamistaan käyttämään ja ehkä että se olisi haasteellista, eikö ne ole niitä normi-toiveita? ja sitten niihin uhrattaisiin 42h/viikko? miksi? työnantaja vaatii, pitää alkaa rakentamaan uraa heti... (oletan). en keksi muita isoja motiiveja kuin tuon uran. no joo onhan sit raha. eka työpaikka ei maksa varmaan niin hyvin kuin myöhemmät työpaikat joten matalaa palkkaa pitää kompensoida, opintolaina on maksettava. olisko näin? laina on aina laina mutta saa olla kohtuuttoman paska palkka jos ei sitä normituntimäärillä makseta. ja kaikillahan mielestään on kohtuuttoman paska palkka, tiedän. se on ihan naurettavaa, työntekijä-tason palkalla tulee suomessa yleensä toimeen jos ei itse säädä. säätäminen on liiallista shoppailua ja liiallisia lainoja ja lapsia ja muuta rahanmenoa joka pitäisi pystyä välttämään halutessaan. (tietysti lapsia pitäisi pystyä hankkimaan kyllä). olen nähnyt tyyppejä joiden elintaso vaan vaatii isompaa palkkaa kuin mitä ne saa, jos asuu krunikassa ja juo joka ilta kalliita punkkuja, ei varmaan asiakaspalvelijan palkalla selviä. no eksyin aiheesta, monta kertaa. ura on tavallaan helvetin ymmärrettävä syy, se on joka puolella, se on normaalia ja osa elämää, kehityt ja edistyt työssäsi ja saat sitä mukaa paremman aseman ja parempaa liksaa... tms. mutta mä en tajua tätä, ja musta se on epäilyttävä motiivi. "käytän koko nuoruuteni ylitöissä istuessa jotta 55-vuotiaana voisin mennä työajalla golfaamaan ja olla joku pomo ja ostaa uuden volvon" ...

tein itseasiassa varmasti joskus ton 42h töitä viikossa, kun olin valokuvausliikkeessä, kesällä kun oli kiire, joskus 2002 tms. muistan että olisin ollut muutaman kerran 6 tai 7 päivää putkeen töissä. mutta se oli väliaikaista. ja sen jälkeen olin hajalla. ei ollut omaa elämää. mua ei kiinnosta vaikka olisin ihan vitun köyhä, mutta 42 tuntia on vaan liikaa. jos tuntus et mitenkään ei selviä niin sit ehkä menisin takaisin kouluun ja hankkisin taas jonkun ammatin. en yleensä pysty noin suunnitelmalliseen toimintaan, mutta siis jos olisi pakko. sitä vaan miettii että mitä vittua olen missannut että tollanen tosiaan on normaalia, vaikka se ei minusta ole hyväksyttävää. siis kellekään. jos nyt välttämättä haluaa mutta tuskin kovin moni. maailmassa on virhe. (newsflash...). aika lapsellista, kiinassa ei ole ihmisoikeuksia ja afrikassa kuollaan nälkään ja minä vaan ihmettelen 42tuntista työviikkoa (ekassa työpaikassa mutta silti). no tämä on kuitenkin lähempänä minun elämääni ja jotenkin pääsi yllättämään pahasti. on varmasti jotain mitä en tästä tiedä, varmaan noissa duuneissa voi ainakin jonkun osan työajasta kuluttaa semi-laillisesti irccaamiseen. tai sitten kyse on laskutetusta ajasta eikä todellisesta työajasta, ehkä kysely ei ollut tarpeeksi spesifi ja suomalaiset nuoret professionaalit käsittivät ymmärrettävästi väärin.

mutta Kreikallakaan ei taida olla suurempia ongelmia kuin työtunnit tai muut, ainakaan ei sammutuskalusto kelvannut, tai edes henkilökunta. tiedän, että ne pyys jotain muuta kuin mitä niille tarjottiin, mutta on se vittu outoa jos palomiehet tai asiantuntijatkaan ei kelpaa, niistähän olis varmaan haittaa? vittu tolla menolla palaa koko saari (olettaen että Kreikka on saari, jos ei ollutkaan niin ihan sama), siinähän miettivät sitten...

"se oli kiinni siitä kun ei saatu sitä raskasta kalustoa kun kellään ei ollut lainaa" "niin juuri, raskaalla kalustolla tämä olisi pysäytetty iiiihan alkuunsa" "tässä mitään palomiehiä tarvita vaan raskasta kalustoa, prkl"

"Achilles, eikö meidän asiantuntijatkin sanonu että raskas kalusto on se mitä maastopaloissa tarvitaan?" "err, meillä ei ole asiantuntijoita, oikeistolainen hallitus leikkasi ne viime budjettiriihessä pois"

"Hepheastus, Zeuksen poika, miksi annoit tämän tapahtua meille, rukoilimme sinua öin ja päivin, kansasi kärsii?!1!" "Hippolyte, poikani, minähän vastasin rukouksiinne ja olisitte saanut vaikka kuinka paljon skandinaavista miestyövoimaa ja aivoja, mutta teille ei kelvannut, kärventykää siis vaan siellä helvetin liekeissä. yst. terv Hepheastus"

kuin junan vessa

uutisissa on kokoajan junien myöhästymisistä. ei tarvita VR:n omaa tilastoa kertomaan että niiden kanssa on kokovitunajan ongelmia. kun tuolla Lahdessa nyt tulee käytyä niin kieltämättä asia alkaa vähän kiinnostaa.

tässäkin artikkelissa todetaan että "junaliikenteen täsmällisyys on huonontunut vuosi vuodelta". ja kas, junat ovat vuosi vuodelta hienompia, nopeampia ja parempia. ainoastaan keskimmäinen adjektiivi on ehkä jokseenkin lähellä totuutta. 2 muuta ovat ihan tätä perus teknoBS:ää. kun on tietokoneistettu ja hienot ohjelmistot ja uusimmat softat ja viimeisimmät säädöt ja sähkökin on bitteja eikä sähköä niin NÄIN SIINÄ VITTU KÄY.

mulla on ihan käsittämättömiä angsteja siitä, että nykyään kaikki on niin paskaa. jaksan aina jankata VHS-videoistani jotka eli melkein yhtä vanhaksi kuin minä nyt, ja eivät olleet lempeimmässä käytössä. eläisvät vieläkin jos olis antanut tekohengitystä, tollasille vanhanaikaisille laitteille sitä pystyy viel antaaki, uudet kun kärähtää niin se on sit siinä. juostaan Giganttiin ostaa uus muovilelu. olen itse aika esimerkillinen kuluttaja, ja silleen ehkä muka huono sanomaan mutta kyllä minä nyt voin olla tätä mieltä. kaikkien laitteiden elinkaari on ihan säädyttömän lyhyt, ja se on hyväksyttyä ja sunnitelmallista. ei puhelinta valmisteta kestämään 10vuotta, sen keskimääräinen elinikä suunnitellaan jo ennenkuin osat laitetaan kokoon. eihän sillä puhelimella paljoa käyttöä olekaan 10v päästä, mutta pitäisi se edes teoriassa olla mahdollista. minä haluaisin päättää siitä, milloin vaihdan laitetta. mutta silloin olisin kehityksen tiellä.

i searched for this black velvet skirt yesterday and was quite frustrated for not finding it. today, trying to figure out the wardrobe thing, i found it there! i didnt see this coming, the look on my face mustve been interesting.

the fetish calendar thing is settled, contracts signed and payment received. last night i had to make up a short bio to go with it, and i hate writing those, as ironic as it is... i mean who doesnt love talking about themselves? but when you need to write something 'official', its very hard for me :( i look forward to having the actual thing in my hands. i dont know which month my photos will be...

ive continued my underwear shopping frenzy in eBay. due to the new wardrobe and clothes storing arrangements, i now have 3 big drawers dedicated for panties, bras and stockings. the bra-drawer is only half-full which means i am allowed to fill it. which brings me to thinking, if i throw away some panties i get to buy new ones i suppose.

9pm and im tired again. better go to sleep then, its kind of dull but why not? i have my chiropractor time tomorrow, and im meeting a friend downtown. plus i should buy loads of things, another notice board pen and such. small but veeeery important things!

a lot of co-workers are leaving, for different reasons. Ella is going to Scotland to study. Murre got another job, to fit his education better. Eve moved to the store (so she still exists). and someone is moving to Japan and someone else... the list is long. and the company is recruiting new people of course, to fill the old spots and creating some new ones. i think the department has more less doubled during the time ive been there. yea, more than doubled in fact. but i will miss many of these guys. i feel somewhat unmotivated at work too now, and everyone leaving isnt helping.

we are good consumers are we not?


searching for batteries i found these in the closet. are they still okay??

id forgotten the water is cut off until 4pm today, they're doing some plumming work i guess. i got up after 1 so i just have to hang in a few hours. not a problem. i heard of a case where someone, when they moved out of their flat, left the water running steaming hot in the bathroom. this was in april or something. nobody went in there until now, the humidity had caused mold to grow and hang from the ceilings, and some 20 000 000 or whatever liters of water had been wasted. poor africans could've used that...its like a 10 yrs supply of water. but alas, the water was not in africa nor was it ever gonna get there anyway, it was just wasted and we didn't even notice :(

i wrote on my notice board a list of things to be done today. now its 4 and i havent done shit. well, after carefully pondering that sentence and a lot of other things, i did manage to call and get a time to a therapist. i dont think its just crazy fucks who need a therapist, most people could use some. having been a frequent customer earlier, i think ive accepted it can be useful and dont associate it with just extreme problems. if i feel stressed and upset, i think i should do absolutely everything to change the situation, whether it means medication or a therapist. no measure is too exaggerated to readjust the situation. so, now i can go on with the day :)

ok, 1 task completed; i replied to some sort of interview regarding fetish photography. a very tough subject which is why i delayed it until the last moment. i am human, so i like when my opinion is asked, but these things...fetishes and art and all... i really have to concentrate. anyway this was a girl named Jess, she is doing her thesis on the subject, how fetishes relate to art or something i think. heres the whole thing;

> 1. What does "Fetish" mean for you, as an artist, as a woman?
i really would just refer to wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism
of course i have seen and explored and thought about these things a lot, but i dont think they play a specific part in my life. i am perhaps very much at ease with the subject, i noticed it when we went to see the documentary "No Body Is Perfect" with my boyfriend. he seemed puzzled and questioned the things in it heavily, which to me was absurd.

> 2. How do you think Fetish fits into art? Or, how has art/photography
> helped for people to explore their fetishes?
art is a channel to express oneself, that alone can help not only their own journey into themselves, but for those who see it it might open up new windows as well. and to know that you are not alone with your things, to have the subjects searched and manifested in art can be very empowering and enjoyable. and its good art has many forms, not just landscapes and those things. it helps the society in general when these things (fetishes or any other subcultures) are not underground and hidden.

> 3. Do you consider Fetish a kind of "Art"?
no, its like any other phenomenon within humans. it can be explored and presented with the tools of art, just like anything else. but the concept itself is not art. sexual fetishism is...sexual, expression of your sexuality, more than anything else. you can make it art, if you want. but i belong to that group of people who see that art is defined by the artist, or in some cases by the audience, rather than by some artistic authority.

> 4. What is it about death, violence etc that attracts you? What makes
> you want to create images of this nature?
these subjects have always been with me, i didnt conciously pick them. not only are they interesting, like flowers are to some, but violence for example has puzzled me loads. i dont understand it, while yet it seems to be a very core part of the human nature. i suppose i have been processing the subject by photographing it, but its really also just plain interesting. we all know violence creates thoughts and feelings, i like when that happens. sex & violence are everywhere, if u look at magazines or tv, that part of pop culture is interesting and id like to play in that field i guess.


> 5. Do you think sex and death relate to each other? How?
both very strong elements and parts of human life, actually just like i wrote before. they appeal to the core of human nature in different ways, they have mysticism we want to understand. the other is related with life, which gives it a nice contrast.

> 6. Do you think your work conveys issues of voyeurism?
could be. thats what ive heard people say anyway.

> 7. Do you consider yourself a voyeur, as a photographer?
hmm, no.

> 8. Why do you think people become interested in Fetishes such as
> asphyxiation, bloodplay, sadism, etc? What about them interests you?
i dont know. i think the sexuality of a human has always been looking for different ways of expression, ever since the stone age when people had time for more than just hunting and reproduction. with more time and money in their hands, people have generally started to explore a lot of things and vary their behavior. i think sometimes its a psychological thing too, to balance some things or feelings out. and thats fine. i hate to say this but the latter question does do anything for me, i think i might be photographing subjects related to this just because they cause feelings and thoughts, much like violence does (=doesnt leave you cold). yet it doesnt cause much feelings in me. well, more than flowers do, but i cant really point it out. i just feel comfortable with these things, unlike i do with flowers.

> 9. Why do you think some people are offended by your work?
oh i dont know, people are so different. maybe its against what they find appropriate or against their ethical views or religion or they dont think world needs to see such things. and thats fine. but i dont know. and i dont care.

> 10. How do you see photography as an asset to the Fetish community?
sharing, expressing, enjoying art, creating something together, bringing people together, to give a voice to the community

> 11. What stops a Fetish photograph from becoming pornography?
i have no clue. and people see these things different, what i would call fetish someone else might call porn. so, how do you draw the line? i feel like an ass but im not interested i guess. when fetish photography sites are banned by school computers, it *does* bother me, but ... what can i do. the world is the way it is. but to the original question; perhaps when the main focus of the photograph is not in the sexual attribution of an inanimate object or exploring sexuality, but in plain explicit sex, that is meant to bring sexual relief over all other purposes. but, the line is hard to draw. ive wanted to explore this matter though, not from such a philosophical point of view, but to try balance on the line...i hope i get to it some day.

fuckin Facebook gets on my nerve. emails arrive one after another "Annie wrote on your wall" "Mike sent you a *wink*" "Jason shit on your profile"... pretty much. jesus the interaction shit there is ridiculous. to leave writing on "the wall" or poke or whatever. fuck, try to come up with something else. and if you dont. at least take the fuckin email notification off by default. i understand if the site is supposed to be fuckin interactive, communities and friends and shit, but log in there and see what going on, who needs the email harassment. i hate email harassment, being a registered user on quite a few sites has made me an email notification-hater. when u get more of that crap than actual mails, u have to wonder wtf. i especially hate the "Maria has added you as their friend! Please add Maria as your friend too, click here" there are times when its okay (close friends), but usually its not okay. and then you have to go in there, log in, if you remember the goddamn password, and find where the fuck you turn those notifications off. these are the options you can be notified of in Facebook:

• Sends me a message
• Adds me as a friend
• Writes on my Wall
• Pokes me
• Tags me in a photo
• Tags me in a note
• Tags one of my photos
• Invites me to join a group
• Invites me to an event
• Requests to join a group of which I am an admin
• Requests to join an event of which I am an admin
• Comments on my notes
• Comments on my photos
• Comments on my posted items
• Comments on a photo of me
• Comments after me in a photo
• Comments after me in a note
• Comments after me in a posted item
• Tags me in a video
• Comments on my videos
• Comments on a video of me
• Replies to my discussion board post

if you're an active member there, i can only imagine the amount of emails...*rolls eyes* i think deviantArt is very interactive too, u can do a lot of things there... and ive had my super-active days there...but what poeple do is the LOG IN to see whats going on. every day, several times a day maybe.

on top of it all, the user interface is complicated, not very simple to figure out. big minus. and one more thing, facebook is SLOW, and with the patience of internetters (=2.0 internet-users*) these days...i have to wonder how anyone can bare with it.

this is not an attack against my friends, because i like linking up with people, i just dont like how these sites try drag you in. and i like to take my own pace in linking, log in and accept any friend requests when i want to... it may be rarely but so.

*i just came up with this, internetters, i.e. people who inter-NET, are the 2.0 generation net users who live there, link and interact and publish and so forth.

found this in dA;



totally amusing. i think i had that read on my jacket, back in 1994 or whatever. but the A, i certainly had that all over the place. that was then, i grew up with the sort of 2nd wave of punk in finland, Apulanta and Karkkiautomaatti. i listened to Sex Pistols and the Ramones as well, but i think i saw the side which i wanted to see. and i dont think i really thought of it all very politically.not that i couldnt have, but i was 13, 14, 15... and i just didn't. i associated punk with my search of independence and freedom, rebellion against conservatism...formality and tradition. and expectations. now, i actually have a book on my table called Anarchism, but only because i want to hear how they describe it.

today the mail brought me James Bond and Philosophy as well as Flesh Wounds- the culture of plastic surgery. i started reading the latter in the tram on my way to work and it seemed very insightful. too bad work is a bit too busy to read right now.

i had a meeting with my boss, just to go through recent changes in products and services, i havent been able to attend the team meetings so i was clueless about some things... but while there, i got to seriously vent. i have been frustrated here lately and it doesnt look like the feeling is going anywhere. then again im such a pessimist that to me it never looks like anything is going anywhere, yet it does occasionally happen. i think maybe the 'lifespan' of this job is just nearing the end, for me. today in general has been fine and easy, but the overall feeling i have when thinking of this, or coming back on friday, next week...next month... i feel somewhat anxious. ill just have to hang in here and see what happens. i just hate being in the middle of something, in process, uncertain.

alright. weekend done and over with. we missed the last movie because after IKEA and dinner at Chico's we were tired and russian high culture just didnt seem like the thing we wanted to see next... i wanted to get to my refurnishing project. now, my home is almost done, just some sliiight minor adjustment needed. now, i feel pretty relaxed and once we installed the ministereo too, i am listening to grooveFM. i am not a big fan of radio at all, and this is not my fav station either, but right now it works. webcast here.

wardrobe finally done. with handles and all. i am quite happy with the simplistic look of it.


















i got this noticeboard on an impulsive, i can just write stuff on it and wipe off. very pretty (KLUDD).its dim transparent glass, but this was like the only place it fit, and i didnt feel like moving the poster, so i put the poster underneath. i hope i will keep this set up for a while because the poster got somewhat destroyed, it didnt fit as a whole. its by the same artist as the 7 sins series i have. i am missing 1 or 2 of them still.


















Vanity from the 7 sins. i think this sin fits above my make up table.... the rest of them are just all over the place. Sloth could be nearby the bed i guess? i was thinking of a black frame but once i saw the pink one *shrugs* very cheap btw, i recommend. i fuckin hate frames so i dont like spending much on them. i only use them with persistent motherfuckers like this, it wouldnt stay on the wall with tape longer than like 3 weeks. it would slowly come off and drop. i think a poster, whether art or whatever, is osten best as it is, just attached to the plain wall.


















and now the perfumes are on the other side, the shelves attached to the new bookshelf with doors-thing. i cant belive how they supposedly fit on the shelves before. i should throw something away its too cluttered :(













now my bunnies have simple frames too, just a glass on top really. they were jumpy and trying to get off my wall. family portraits, important.













i got nice brushed metal hooks and used 2-sided tape to attach them, instead of ruining some more wall and my new wardrobe. so just to hang my most used/bigger necklaces. easy access is important, i am always in such a hurry and dont even remember what i have, the options have to be rigt there. and this goes for everything else as well.













i finally put my trainspotting poster back up. but this time in kitchen. ive had it for like 10 yrs and it looks like it too, i dunno if it was ever as white as the backround but nevertheless... F has one of these posters too, i guess Trainspotting is just one of the symbols for our generation. ah, then theres Rammstein underneath; "denn du bist, was du isst." a good reminder to have in the kitchen, but it doesnt change my eating habits at all.


















now im totally exhausted. long day. need to sleep - again. work tomorrow, and friday. in between ill do something for the website project i am sure but theres no major stress right now. parties on saturday. i will hopefully spend the week well, F is away and therefor i have plenty of time for myself. maybe ill just write it down on my new noticeboard; "make it a good week!" :) F already wrote his greetings which i just noticed; "be very sweet to F!"

there was no way i was going to IKEA today, i had to sleep for once. while waiting for the gourmet breakfast i get to check my mail and then we have to get going, the movie is at 6.

last nights movies were 28 weeks later and Zibahkhana. (small spoilers warning). the first was a follow up to 28 days later which i liked a lot. 28 weeks later was no disappointment, a bigger budget, too, i suspect. it was very hollywood in many ways. what i liked most was that it was all over well done, good acting, somewhat credible characters, good visuals (blooood! lol) and a reasonable plot. entertaining and all :) and long after the movie i was still thinking about it, what something meant or so. what i didn't like was a few illogicalities, like how the bad guy was always where its preys where, without apparently following them, and so forth. but mostly i was disturbed when the movie presented one of the main characters as morally wrong, when in a situation where his wife was cornered by the enraged zombies, he chose to run away himself. the way i saw it, is that he could not have saved her, so either they were both gonna die or only she was. they had 2 kids who were most likely safe and well, so for one parent to try stay alive would make sense. so, he left his wife to be killed and ran away and eventually was re-united with the kids. but, the moral of the story was that he was to turn out bad, to pay for his wrong doing i guess. and he wasnt just crazy raged like the other, he was a plotting, evil kind of zombie type.

the other movie then, the first Pakistanian gore movie ever. and unfortunately, i could tell. i think the budget was probably 10 dollars, and for that they did their best i guess... i have to think some of the 'badness' was deliberate and ironic. they'd filled the movie with every possible cliché there is, the spreading virus, the weird family, the road-trip... but to have the main bad-guy to be a man wearing a burkha, wow thats neat. there were some hilarious moments, partly because of the bad acting and lines, but mostly i was in awe of how bad it was. it was totally worth the money though, ive never seen anything like that. a horribly acted and plotted gore movie, from a totally different culture. the good girl was a good muslim of course, and she felt bad for lying to her mother. the bitch-girl was obnoxious and spoke with an american accent as well as admired the states over her home country. about half of the movie was spoken in english, these kids and their accents...that was both uncomfortable and funny. because of the culture playing such a big role in the movie, it was so special. i recommend it as an experience.

i had to skip my first movie because i was so stressed out. work stuff...the shoot, just lots of things and too little time. now, with a cider (i have been drinking much less but todays friday!) and some deep breaths, and underwear shopping in eBay, im doing much better. i modified an important "how to" page on the website and im happy with the results, its much more customer friendly now. and last night i made a myspace site for this project. and i just talked with my boss, which in a tiny company like this is the CEO, and all in all things look pretty good again. its just fuckin hectic. every bug reported pisses the hell out of me, as a perfectionist of some sort i have hard time tolerating bugs... these things though are mostly mac related which proves how fucked mac is. i understand that macs have hard time when everything is PC based or originally designed for windows, but they should get their fancy ass gear to fuckin co-operate. period.

now, i think i am ready for movies. and IKEA tomorrow perhaps.

going to movies. the shoot was okay i guess. the canadian girl (Kat) was an interesting case, i have to tell about her later.

i finally processed the photos i took a couple weeks ago... they were just ...ordinary portrait type things :) like this.



















*surfing in eBay again....credit card be ware!*

F put my lamps up. i suppose they are suitable for what they were designed for. the livingroom one is a bit hard to adjust to, as the previous lamp was so different, but ill have to let it sink in... it already feels better than the other night when F installed it. i still find it slightly amusing that out of the 3 ceiling lamps i got, i wanted to change the 2 that were unbroken, unlike my kitchen lamp. which looks artistic as broken. now, am i finally happy with my lamps? no. i want another light by my bed, a dim one, for reading and what not. the halogens nearby are a bit harsh and i cannot reach the switch from the bed.

living room














hallway














got this shirt from Kuala Lumpur, one of my new favorites.



















next week F is on vacation, and going to Portugal, where theres a wedding on saturday. i have Tony's wedding congregation to go to on Saturday too. and another friend has her 30th b-day the same night and i promised i would go there as well. she is closer to F so its perhaps odd to go alone.

tonight i went to see 2 films; Venus Drowning and Princess. Arttu had decided to join me for the first one and i talked him over to seeing the 2nd as well. turns out he only liked Venus, and i only liked Princess. Venus Drowning was simply speaking in a language i dont understand, so absurd and symbolic, i suppose. i totally didnt get it, seemed like utter crap to me. the movie had a lesbian taste to it, and the main character reminded me of an ex-boss of mine who was a lesbian. that itself doesnt mean much i guess but the movie just felt fucked. Princess felt realistic and the pet bunny was the best, she would deserve her own movie. while there, we also met an old co-wroked and friend of Arttu's, he was there with his sister to see Princess. turns out, he had picked the movie out from my blog when i listed my favorites from the espoo cine program. and he liked the movie, so i was quite glad (even if everyone is responsible for their own picks, u know).

i have a photoshoot set up for friday. i am stressed and happy both. its some canadian girl, just visiting here for some reason...wrote me some time ago if id be interested in shooting her if shed come over.

i would have to admit that im in a pretty good mood. i slept well, finally, and after the launch of the website, things in that front have been less stressful. i will work on the site today, but now that it basically looks nice and works well, i feel pretty good about it. i really hope it will turn out a success and the site will grow, and that my work will continue to be fun... yesterday we had a project finishing meeting or afterparty of some sort, amongst everyone involved in the thing. so i met a lot of people i havent met before, and liked most of them :) which might or might not be unusual of me. i had to leave a bit early tho, because of the movie festival...

while in Lahti, i ended up seeing a couple minutes of the rehearsal of Lahti Symphony Orchestra, they were playing Queen.














the espoo cine movies last night were from so-so to good.
Les Temoins was the so-so one. a bit long, not very touching... i just didnt get much out of it. someone died of the new-found odd disease (HIV) and others were worried.
How to get rid of the others was the GOOD one. satirical, sharp and funny...i think it describes what the world is becoming into. then again, the world is what its people make of it, so i always wonder how these grotesque images really just describe us humans, in certain conditions and time and space, but nevertheless.
No Body is Perfect was really just so-so as well, i didnt feel like it was waste of time because the subject matter was interesting, but i think that i wasnt the perfect target audience. this documentary would be a great "Fetishes and body modification for Dummies"-thing. it starts with the easy stuff and goes all the way to the hard core end of things. nothing i hadnt seen before. made me miss the times i photographed though, i feel comfortable with these topics and people.

Espoo Cultural Centre, from the back. ive always liked the shallow pool of water there.

the mailman woke up me up first. pushing all these packages through the mail slot. my washing gloves! when did i write about them, it feels like it was less than a week ago? and i said it would take a week or more. wow, this was neat, me happy.



















in addition i received my thisrthell-shirts :)













Marianne's wedding thank you-card arrived too, not that i expected it because i couldnt make it to the wedding. and this was a sad reminder of it.

and then i got a bill from the Helsinki Health Services Department, specifically from the psychiatric section. 10 euros for a doctor visit. i was sleepy and went back to bed, but couldnt fall asleep thinking that ive been to a doctor, possibly a psychiatric, lately, without remembering it. it bugged me so much i had to go back see the details. turns out, the invoice was for my neighbor instead. a relief, i was getting panicky for a moment there...

later, Simul woke me up, listing what she needs from me for the visa application. a letter of invitation and a copy of my passport to prove i exist, i guess. she's got tickets for Finnair flights now, so... i hope the application passes.

tomorrow is the project wrap up party at the website work. in Lahti as usual. i have to get back semi-early and miss all the good stuff tho because i have movies to go to in the evening. tonight i have someone pick up a CD shelf i sold in Huuto.net and then... we'll try to have a nice evening with F.


*listening to Elvis Presley* fuckin awesome, hes great -suspicious minds live in youtube

iBike

aloin lukea tätä Hesarin uutista sunnitelluista kaupunkipyöristä.

"vakavasti otettava kulkumuoto esimerkiksi työmatkailijoille." ja
"Ihmiset voisivat suunnitella matkansa sen varaan, että pyörä on aina saatavilla"
kuolemattomia lauseita. särähti ensimmäisenä korvaan. siis, minä vain luottaisin siihen että kun tosta aamulla astun ovesta ulos niin noita pyöriä on ulko-oven vieressä? tai ratikka-pysäkillä? ehkä luotan ennemmin siihen vitun ratikkaan vaikka se aina onkin myöhässä... että voivat tutkia tätä mahdollisuutta kyllä mutta olen skeptinen. en jättäis ainakaan kovin tärkeetä duunia tän varaan. jos julkista liikennettä on niin miksi vitussa ottaisin pyörän, ja siellä missä ei julkista liikennettä ole eli jossain espoon metsässä niin en usko että sieltä ehkä löytyy pyöriäkään.

"Pyörät saa käyttöönsä luotto- tai matkakortilla."
eih, ei taas se vitun matkakortti. Lontoossa tykkäsin matkakortista mutta meidän kortti-hässäkät vaan vituttaa, en luota siihen pätkääkään.

"Kun pyörän lainaa, peritään kortilta esimerkiksi 150 euron suuruinen pantti. Pyörän käyttö on kuitenkin halpaa."
pantti on loogista, pitää olla motiivi palauttaa. mutta että ajelu on vielä "halpaa", siis maksaa? haistakaa, jos laitan sellasen pantin siihen laitteeseen, ja me tiedetään että tällänen systeemi kusee välillä eli pantti ei ehkä palaudu, ja sitten vielä maksaa jotain halpaa vuokraa ajelusta, jätän työpaikan ulkopuolelle odottamaan päiväksi....4 tai 6 egee? eikun tietty työpaikan ulkopuolella just on sellainen palautuspiste...joo...

"Pyörässä oleva tietokone kertoo huoltajille, jos pyörä on rikki. "
tää oli viimeinen pisara, repesin täysin. nyt tiedetään että minä en tällä aja. sotketaan nää tietokoneet tähän vielä niin sit TIEDETÄÄN että tämä EI toimi. (eli tiedetään myös ettei moni muukaan näillä aja, silloin kun haluaisi). ei millään pahalla...mutta ihan oikeesti, minäkin rakastan koneita ja kaikkee, mut tietokoneet... ja tekniikka...ja UUSI tekniikka. se ei vitun vittu toimi. katsokaa kun se teidän digiboksi jumittaa siellä eikä sitä saa off-napista pois päältä ja sit kuvitelkaa se tietokoneena. hah hah. ai että tulee ihan mieleen windows? kaiken kohtuuden nimissä, windows XP on jo helvetin vakaa, kaatuu ehkä kerran vuodessa. mutta omat ongelmansa siinä joo on. pointtini on että tää hieno systemmi joka tajuais että pyörä kaipaa huoltoa niin ei olisi edes kuten XP, vaan joku VISTA3beta, tai vaihtoehtoisesti jos mennään ajassa taaksepäin niin w'97. no, ehkä vertaukseni ovat ontuvia, toi digiboksi oli aika kuvaava. tai se matkakortin lukija. jos ei 27 lukutaitoinen ihminen tajua että joko se vitun laite otti sen hinnan mun kortilta niin vika ON LAITTEESSA!

"Jos jollain asemalla pyöriä ei ole, niitä käydään hakemassa muilta pysäkeiltä."
vain yksi sana: LOL

"Lehmuskoski arvioi, että vuosikustannus voisi olla noin miljoona euroa, kun nykyisiin vihreisiin pyöriin kuluu vuosittain noin 250 000 euroa."
"HKL:n tarkoitus on nyt käynnistää keskustelu siitä, ovatko Helsingin päättäjät valmiita panemaan rahaa likoon uudenlaiseen pyöräilyjärjestelmään."
joo... älkää hyvät ihmiset. nelinkertainen hinta ja noi tietokonepyöräasemat...ne tulee maksaa enemmän ku te vittu saatte soneran osakkeista osinkoja. kun luette tarkkaan niin hienolla präntillä sielä pyöräfirman sopparissa ei ole mitään rajoitetta huoltokustannuksista jotka tulee tietty ostajalle, ja siellä myös ehkä lukee "product provider is not liable for any financial or other damage or consequences caused by the product, its service costs or if the product or its parts do not function in any or some way as decribed in the product specifications." uutta hienoa shittiä ("niissä on tietokoneet sisällä!!1") mutta älkää menkö taas tähän lankaan.

"Jos edes murto-osa ihmisistä vaihtaisi henkilöautoilun joukkoliikenteen ja kaupunkipyörän yhdistelmään, olisi yhteiskuntataloudellinen vaikutus selvästi kustannuksia suurempi"
mä luulen että ne jotka nyt yksityisautoilee, niin ei ihan heti luota siihen komboon et kun ne tulee espoon Metsälästä junalla niin että Pasilan asemalla on pyöriä jotka toimii. se eilinenkin 150e pantti on vielä selvittämättä HKL:n kanssa, jäi ilm. jonnekin koneen uumeniin. kyllä nää tyypit ajaa sillä autollaan jatkossakin. potentiaalisina iPyörien käyttäjinä näkisin vihreät feministit, sillä erotuksella minusta että ovat idealistisempia kuin mitä minä itse. että porkkanat ilta-salaattiin haetaan pyöräillen Vantaalta koska siellä on eko-kasvimaa jossa porkkanoita ruokitaan lähialueen kommuunien komposteilla. vitsi, kukaan yhtä salaattia varten, niitä porkkanoita ostetaan sitten kuukauden tarpeiksi ja laitetaan säilöön maalattiakellariin koska on vuokrattu ihana mökki puu-vallilasta. sieltä pääsekin kätsysti joka puolelle stadiin, lähin pyöräasema on 2,4km päässä Sörkän Kurvissa! :D siiiiiis. sillä pyörällä ajelee ne 5 tyyppiä jotka nytkin ajelee kaupunkipyörillä, mutta joilla on 150e laittaa panttiin ja jotka haluaa maksaa vitusti tästä vihreästä kuljetusmuodosta. tällä hetkellä kelaan että kaupunkipyöriä käyttää joku 150 ihmistä kuitenkin. oikeasti luvut on väärin, mutta suhde oikea. ok ehkä ei sekään mutta ihan oikeasti en vitun ikinä lataa jollekin saatanan kortille 150e jotta voisin lainaa pyörää. ostan oman helvetin pyörän sillä rahalla (käytettynä toki). luottokorttikin voi käydä tähän laitteeseen sitten mutta en riskeeraa VISAani tähän beta-pyörä kokeiluun. ai että Ranska on tehnyt kokeilun meidän puolesta, heh. me ostetaan kyllä uudempaa mallia jossa on uusi ohjelmisto, parempi nääs, kyllä mä luulen että me beta-testataan ne ihan niinku beta-testataan tää digiin siirtyminenkin euroopassa.

ja tosta VISAsta olis helppo siirtyy Mastercardiin ja kuin perseestä se on, MUTTA siihen en lähde tänään. se on sitten samassa postauksessa nordean kanssa...

work sucked ass today. it wasnt that special of a day, busy yea, but other than that... just another day. i was utmost pissed and tired of it all. i was wondering, if i can avoid this fuckin shit by taking some photos, why the fuck wont i? i have always wanted to keep a random job on the side, but its different if u work 1 or 4 days a week. 3 days/week was my schedule but now with the new job ive mixed the pack a bit. its about 2 and 2.

the wardrobe thing seems hard. its beautiful and i wanted it, but now, to fill it with clothes, to put them there and pick them from there in the mornings seems reeeally hard. i knew that, for sure. ive been using the open-pile concept as my wardrobe since i was like freakin 7 or 8, no lie. i always had a wardrobe of some sort, but half or most of my clothes have been in a fuckin pile. i didnt think id get rid of my pile with the new wardrobe, im not an idiot. but i figured that since the pile has overgrown to take up some floorspace too, and i dont really want my clothes on a floor... i could maybe try store part of them... uh, anyway, i was trying to explain F how hard it is to motivate myself to this change, when he reminded me that IF i fill the wardrobe, i will actually have more space to buy new clothes! now, thats a good selling point.

the website went online today. altho ive only been working on this project for like 2 months, it was great to see it happen. "it lives!"

sloganizer.net is a bit of fun. i went in there and put suzi9mm in. and straight away i got "The art of suzi9mm." well, then. is that a message? i never used the word art, i like to talk about my photos, or my pictures, even. pictures is good. its very descriptive and simple.

ive been watching Bachelor. (different seasons). i saw a part of an episode at work and thought it was hilarious. cheap reality-TV entertains me pretty easily. its great for turning brains off, it doesnt get on my nerve. i could take it as far as to say that it relaxes me. and i need that right now!

oh my make up table btw, or rather the lights above it. i think, after a few experiences, i like it. i will have to get white lamps though, yellow light doesnt give a realistic result. depends where u are of course, but i consider daylight a standard even if im not an outdoor person. so, i recommend IKEA's MUSIK -lamp. get away from that shady bathroom light, the results look fuckin horrible even if you've learned to put mascara on when you can barely see yourself in the mirror. get lightened! :) i love light. i think at home, in the 80s, we didnt have enough lamps or something, because i felt it was always too dark, in every fuckin room. i can remember my mom smoking cigarettes in the gloomy dim living room, maybe the TV giving a blue light shade to the corner of the room. i think i was traumatized, plus i was afraid of dark as a kid. so since i moved away ive been obsessed with having enough light.

itsekäs pudotus

kilometrin vapaapudotus (IS 19.8). tyyppi oli sen verran newbie että unohti pakata varavarjon. ymmärrettävää eikö vaan? kun on uusi niin tollaset pikkujutut vaan jää... se ei se varavarjo kuitenkaan ole kovin merkittävä asia, sellaset unohtuu joskus, etenkin alun jännityksessä! hmm, itse olisin ehkä tripla ja fyblatsekannut että onko se vitun varavarjo siellä. ja oli se varsinainenkin varjo sitten pakattu sillä viisiin ettei auennut? mä kuulkaas kelaan, että tyyppi vaan halus päästä hengestään. jos ei kilometrin pudotuksella onnistu niin milläs sitten??! vois koittaa vaikka munkkivuorelaista kerrostalon parveke(kaide)tta. miten ois vaan nää perinteiset metodit, eli tässä tapauksessa (mies) haulikkoa. meinasin lisätä että 'ja köyttä' mutta se tiedetään kuinka senkin voi ryssiä. ja tietysti jotkut ei osaa tähdätä päähänsäkään mutta se on jo niin säälittävää, ja oikeasti marginaalista, että en puutu koko asiaan. olen muuten myös tajunnut (n. kuukausi sitten), että sanan ryssiä alkuperä on oltava ryssä. tai jos ei olis niin olisin hyvin pettynyt, sehän on niin helvetin loogista. anyone? Otto?

avioliittohelvetti. kiva blogi, päivittyy vaan niin saatanan harvoin että ehtii unohtaa mistä on kyse kun uusinta postausta lukee. no, tuntuu että tyyppi ainakin kirjottaa itselleen tai avutumisen tarpeesta enemmän kuin yleisöä miellyttääkseen. ja kummassakaan ei ole mitään vikaa (kun on itse yleisö niin on helvetin jees jos blogittaja näkee vaivaa miellyttääkseen minua), mutta kun itsekin kirjoitan tod itsekästä blogia niin ehkä on kiva jos tuntuu että joku toinenkin. mutta tosta blogista, siinä on nainen joka alkaa riidanhaluiseksi puolikkaan siiderin jälkeen. alkoi nyt riidan- tai sovittelunhaluiseksi, mutta että puolikas siideri tekee sen??! placebo-efekti sanon minä. tai sitten meikäläisellä ja meikäläisen tuntemilla ihmisillä vaan on sellaset doku-geenit ettei mitään rajaa?

i seem to be a little overstressed. yesterday, after sleeping, i felt fine for a moment. but in the evening the stress started to raise its evil head again. i was thinking of the work i have to do for the site and all. i am tired and dont want to do anything. but i have a zillion things i should do, i suppose. even watching trailers seems like a job (except for this one). and i usually love doing interviews but now i have 2 piled up and i dont want to think about them. filling a new wardrobe with clothes should be fun, no? chatting with friends should be even more fun, but i feel too tired.

i have been staring at the website for like 3 days in a row now. im starting to get enough. but i dont think next week will bring any consolation, the first week of launch...eh heh. ill just slit my wrists right now, yes? then again i am happy to be on this project, in this job, i get to do so much more than usually, have a little more challenge and all that, and its a great way of seeing Arttu once in a while. i am such a fuckin whiner.

last night we went out for a few. what is few? F asked, so i made a count:
*3 ciders
*2 shots
*1 drink

and we left the bar at 10:30. i failed to fill the wardrobe and just fell to bed. looser.

Espoo Cine will keep me busy the coming week, and i only have work scheduled on monday, altho i am sure i need to work on the other job quite a lot too. this is getting confusing, work this and job that, how would i even know myself what am i referring to? i need to come up with a solution (recommendations welcomed). anyway i thought F and i could hold a small movie-marathon again, next wekek, in between the festival movies. like, when you're out to watch movies, you might as well go for it and do them 'all' at once. i just checked the other day, and i have a ton of movies on my 'to watch' list. and the list is just growing... a marathon is a handy way to deal with that.

oh, MacGyver is on TV :)

just another manic BUNDAYYYYYY...

homo customerus, homo dancimus ja homo säätimys

asiakas kirjoittelee meille kirosanojen täyttämiä ja uhkailevia, aggressiivisia maileja. no tässä ei ole mitään uutta. tää tapaus on vaan niin surullinen, kuvitteleekohan se että asiat hoituu silleen helpommin? voi voi. taitaa olla päinvastoin, omille nilkoilleen siinä vaan kusee kun räksyttää tolleen. kaikki tietää että niin metsä vastaa kuin sinne huudetaan. palaan hänelle asiaan varmaan huomenna :)

yks tyyppi (n.37, perheellinen, ulkomaista alkuperää) joka osti multa jotain tavaraa huuto.netin kautta, ja haki sen paikan päältä, laitto nyt perään mailia että haluaisinko mennä jonnekin tanssitunnille. mesta on lähellä asuntoani. tyyppi ei käydessään montaa sanaa puhunut, huonon suomen takia ehkä. tai ujo vaan. maili oli kohtuu epäselvä, mutta se tuli selväksi että 'marco bjyrström' vetää siellä kurssia. en usko että lähden tanssii... liikuntahan ois hyväks mulle, mutta ei näin.

vituttaa ihmisten tehottomuus ja säätö. kun tehdään töitä, niin pitäs tehdä töitä. mutta tuntuu usein että jengi vaan säätää jotain. asia A pitäisi saada valmiiksi, mutta ihmiset tekee asiaa B joka tarvii olla valmiina vasta myöhemmin, tai takertuu johonkin mitättömiin pikkuseikkoihin (esim. tekninen ongelma, johon olisi vastaus ja ratkaisu saatavilla kun vaikka KYSYIS) ja nysvää niitä. pitää soitella perään (kun ensin laittaa postia) että hei mites tää asia A?? "ai niin joo, katoin sitä mailia mutta...joo..katsotaas nyt sitten...". miks mä laittelen mitään posteja jos ei niihin vastata, voisin saman tien vaan soittaa kaikki läpi? mikä usein pitääkin tehdä. sähköposteista on kai vaan tullut niin sellasta taustahälyä ettei niihin kiinnitä huomiota ellei se ihan suoraan välittömästi vaikuta itseen, tai ellei joku lyö lekalla.

jahaa olen ainoa nainen tänään työpaikallani. tajusin juuri.

new day. a sick one. but i think ill be alright in a sec, i had a major case of sneezing and runny nose but i think its just an allergical reaction to whatever. because allergy pills are easing it up.

so i went to my mom's...and on friday i went to work in Lahti, the website is starting to look decent but i have to work quite a bit this weekend to make sure everything is alright. and i need to ask friends to check the site out if they find any bugs or ...anything at all. the website is a service for viewing video material, and you pay for it with a credit card. when it comes to videos and that, people always have problems...i am not exactly excited thinking about all the possibilities... there could be a million reasons why a video wont show, but when its on a customers computer and they write customer service email about it, im going to try have to figure it out.

aaaanyway. i think im a bit stressed. ive had it so easy for really long now i guess, so now that i have some extra work and the refurnishing to keep me busy, i get stressed and anxious. last night i broke into a helpless cry when the phone rang as i didnt want to answer it. clearly thats when i knew i need a sedative. and maybe therapy too. but now, after a good night sleep, thanks to not going to work, i feel much better.

i should go buy groceries. i agreed to meet a friend in the evening. but besides work, i should seriously start filling my new wardrobe. i didnt get it to just stand there empty. i hope.

i got this email the other day, and this is the whole mail in its entirety...

"hi
i am designer graphic, i see your work . it is pretty work. i ahve also work abot my work ,would you like for contact and have friendly releation white me?

contact to me please"

yea. friendly relation, why not, mr...no wait you didnt introduce yourself. oh well. i didnt mean to sound too nasty, the person is obviously genuine, but i mean come on, are we going to be penpals or what... i just dont think this is going to work out :(

its annoying how Word 2007 saves files automatically in a format, that isnt compatible with the older versions. you have to specifically 'save as' a format that works in older versions. this is almost like Mac.

i didnt sleep enough. im not motivated to go to Sysmä. 3 hour bus ride. i have my video player but nevertheless.

blah.

vietin keski-ikäispäivääni

Hesarin uutisessa "murhaajasairaanhoitajasta" oli hauska 'loppulause' tässä kappalessa;
"Mikäli epäilyttäviä tapauksia ilmenee, vainajat joudutaan kaivamaan ylös haudoistaan oikeuslääketieteellisiä ruumiinavauksia varten, Tuominen sanoo. Tuhkattuja vainajia ei voi tutkia."
hyvä että selvitetään tyhmemmällekin ettei tuhkattuja voida tutkia. tossa pitäs lukee jotain "tuhkattujen vainajien omaiset joutuvat luovuttamaan mahdollisesti vielä tallessa olevat tuhkat keskusrikospoliisille tutkimuksia varten. Poliisin laboratorio tutkii selvittää tuhkan analyysillä, liittyykö kuolemaan rikosta.".

Otto laittoi yks päivä viestiä kun kirjoitin tajunneeni että 'inessä' tulisi englannin in-sanasta, näin siis ehkä onkin mutta arvailin taas ehkä mutkia suoriksi. suomen kielessä on sellainen juttu kuin inessiivi, jota tuskin tarvitsee selventää koska kaikki muut paitsi minä tietävät mistä on kyse. sana inessiivi kuitenkin luultavasti siis tulee englannista. Otto on hauskan tarkkanäköinen ja pedantti, siinä on jotain maanistakin ihan hyvällä. ja nämä huomiot eivät ole uusia :D suomi on pieni, Otto tuntee (entinen kämppis kai) yhden miehen joka on naimisissa työkaverini kanssa.

päivällä kävin OP:ssä ja se oli rankkaa. keski-ikäinen olo tuli. mietin siinä kun täti selitti jonkun eläkevakuutuksen tiimoilta että "jos jäät eläkkeelle 62-vuotiaana, niin... mutta js jäät eläkkeelle vasta 63-vuotiaana..." että mitä helv, miten tähän on tultu? kun pankkiasioista on kyse ja vähän isommista sellaisista niin asioita jankattiin moneen kertaan ja muutenkin, täti tykkäsi selittää eläke-sitä ja tätä, ja 50-vuotiaat varmaan tykkää kuulla. mun teki mieli huutaa että en mä millekään vitun eläkkeelle halua, en mä halua mitään eläke-laskelmia! en halua elää siihen asti. mutta istuin tietysti siinä ja hymyilin tyhmästi. miten tähän on siis päädytty? äiti jankkasi siitä vitun sairasvakuutuksesta, ja sitten työkyvyttömyysvakuutuksesta, ja vakuutusyhtiön täti oli sitä mieltä että 100e/vuodessa vakuutus työkyvyttömyyttä varten on ehkä turha ja minun pitäisi kysyä pankista eläkevakuutusta jolloin rahat ei menis hukkaan. no, ei mene mutta ei ole summakaan ihan sama. minimi 30e/kk tekee mitä vuodessa? en halua arvata, täti pankissa kyllä kertoi mutta en kai sittenkään kuunnellut. ja sit kun tulis tää joku sairaseläke vaikka 34-vuotiaana niin mitä siellä mun eläke-tilillä olisi? joku 2100e. jee. sillähän sitä sitten sairastetaan. tää ei kyllä nyt ehkä oo tarkotettu siihen mitä äiti halusi. tai mitä minäkään haluan. äiskällä on pointti, sille on sairastaminen käynyt niin vitun kalliiksi. mutta ei se vakuutuskaan ole kuin ehkä 50 000 jos tarpeeksi rikki on ja ... joo. se on niin epätodennäköistä että siinä epätoivossa vois kyllä etsiä sit vaan rikkaan miehen? nää on vaikeita juttuja. en tiedä mitä pitäs tehdä. en pidä siis kauheen todennäköisenä sairaseläkettä tai työkyvyttömyyttä, mutta kyllä sitä tapahtuu ihan joka päivä ja ehkä se jossain määrin pitäs ottaa huomioon mutta jotain rajaa. eläke ei myöskään kiinnosta yhtään. se kiinnostaa sit 60-vuotiaana, mutta ei kiinnostaa elää siihen asti. no 57-vuotiaana varmaan kiinnostaa. ja 53-vuotiaana kiinnostaa elää siihen 57:aan. ja... vitullinen noidankehä. en haluis että asiat menis vituiks mutta ehkä saan aikaisen sydänkohtauksen tai jotain muuta armollista. eläke on niin vittumaista kun sitä pitäis tolleen suunnitella, rahallisesti mitenkäs muuten, ja mä en halua suunnitella rahallisesti kuin korkeintaan seuraavaa ulkomaanreissua. jos suunnittelen eläkerahastoja, jää ulkomaanreissut pian tekemättä. ja se EI ole vaihtoehto. onko tästä nyt jankattu tarpeeksi. jatkan yksin hiljaisuudessa.

miksei mistään löydy vittu kivoja mattoja, ne on niin peruskamaa että luulis löytyvän jotain. haluan vaihtaa makuuhuoneenkin maton. haluan että se on pehmeä. Ikean matoista mikään paitsi lampaantalja ei ollut pehmeää. ja se on paitsi vähän överi niin en mä nyt eläinten nahkoja lattialle halua. vähän häiritse että Ikea myy sellasia.

to be honest im getting tired but i still have a lot of work to do. the website has to be ready next monday, more less, because the press got a hint about it and is asking. it doesnt need to be fully working then i guess, but enough to show off.

i had the electrician come over and move the electrical outlet so i could fit my wardrobe right next to the wall. i sold my old carpet and an air conditioner which i had, and they were picked up today. and F took me to IKEA where i was supposed to buy the rest of the things for my wardrobe. and i sort of did, but instead of buying the back-part for the bottom drawer, i bought another front-part... yup. well, i didnt get all the things i wanted anyway, they were again out of this and that... so ill be going back soonish and then get the drawer thing. i got pretty much everything else and now the wardrobe is ready to be filled. well, i need one inside drawer above the clothes rail...or something. fuckin thing, for being so big.


















i also bought the lamps for my living room(CESIUM) and hallway(LEDING). and F put the mirror and lights above the white drawer which is now opposite to the wardrobe. 2x50W... if i dont have enough light to do my hair now, i never will... now i just need to learn to do my hair. because i never do. after all those years of not doing anythin...its hard to get into the hair-do business :( i really love those metallic lamps above the mirror, and they're not even from IKEA!













and i got the softest set of bedsheets ever, the other side cherry pink and the other rose pink. they're 100% cotton like pretty much everything is...but they're different...bit stretchy and just very soft. i was eager to buy other bedsheets as well but the fact is i already have too many. they dont fit in their designated storing shelf-area unless like 2 sets are in the washing machine queue.

i also made a compromise regarding the exfoliation gloves... i decided that since my dry exfoliation glove, which is not really a glove but a pouch, is so old and worn out, the light green ones could take its place. i need exfoliation gloves both in and outside of bathroom because theres no way im going to be moving them around and its never where it should be. tried and tested. and i just want to say that skin exfoliation has plenty of benefits, its great for your skin, out of all the fuckin things i learned in cosmetologist school, that was like one of the most important. even if you dont do much else, like use good creams and stuff, fine, but exfoliate!

aaand earlier today i got 3 belts, pink grey and black. ive been lacking on belts and today i fixed the situation.

my back is much better now. the chiropractor is an older american guy, and so his finnish accent is somewhat funny. he remembers me well altho i only go like once a year, since 6 years now, it seems. well, twice a year really because once i go, i need to go back in 2 weeks for the help to be more permanent.

i got really pissed as i havent been able to find white or pink exfoliating washing gloves anywhere. and ive been to several fuckin stores now. its always light blue or green. and today id had enough and bought the l.green color ones from Stockmann. and as soon as i got home i went on eBay and there was one pink pair there, so yes i found em but its not like they're common anywhere. now im torn between using the light green ones or returning them. itll take about a week i suspect before i get the pink gloves. the green ones cost me 4,80e so if i'll use them for a week and have a shower every second day...that's how many euros per shower? do i really want them that bad? ive been wanting these gloves for MONTHS! okay so i was a fuckin idiot for not checking eBay right away but i would just fuckin assume that every department store has these things. and they did! but they were the wrong fuckin color! and i kept thinking they just ran out of the cool colors, or so it seemed looking at the empty shelves and price tags... and so i kept waiting and checking elsewhere. and in the process i got pissed. who would use these exfoliating gloves in blue, im just asking?? okay so i was an idiot and must suffer for it, and hence wait for that week or 2. no wait, does suffering mean to suffer financially? as in i have to suffer 4,80e for my stupidity i cant decide.

*off to IKEA*

writings on the wall. my favorite perhaps is the stop-sign with 'hammertime' under it...

yesterday i was woken up by the phone at 11, i wondered who the fuck dares to call me at that hpur but it was Simul whom we met in India. she was asking if she could come over in September. the schedule for applying Visa etc seems tights, but i really hope she can make it. she'd spent 2 weeks here, F and i would get to show her around and stuff...:)

i picked up my ministereo from the post office yesterday. i paid like 30e for it, incl shipping, so now i can play a CD or a tape once a year if i have the need... the speakers are light wooden color tho, so either i paint them black or just keep my old ones (i didnt sell them, they're not worth much).














and F installed me the new lamp by my make up table. (the middle part turns up and is a mirror). we need to install the glass shelves on the other side again as well, but not until the wardrobe is firmly in its place. the amount of light that comes out of this thing...wow. it is probably more than i need, but i liked the shape and design, the other of the old lamps was like falling out of the wall...(broken)...



















now im off to my chiropractor... i finally have enough cash to go. my back gets so jammed and starts aching i need to go like twice every year or 2 yrs. so its not too bad, then, but finding the money always delays it and i suffer whilst.

the missing wardrobe things have arrived to IKEA so im wondering if we oughta go tomorrow or friday.

someone from my prev school (Helia) wrote me through Facebook. one of those fuckin networking sites. i think we were on some course together, not on the same class or anything. but i remember him well, a british guy i think (or scottish? there people get offended if u confuse those things). anyway him and some others (from school i presume) are goin out so he suggested i come as well. not a bad idea. i havent really been seeing anyone but Alex and Maria after school. which reminds me i havent been in touch with Maria in ages. *calls her* oh yea now i remember, it was german course, LOL, and were sitting next to each other and it was almost flirty. christ, how could i forget THAT.

vitutus 14.8.2007

Karalahti meni sitten Kärppiin. maailma muuttuu, se on kovaa. mun on vaikea ymmärtää tälläsiä asioita. siis järjellä joo mutta tunnetasolla, HIFK & Jere oli vähän niinku...kaikki tietää.

mä en kestä sitä jos talouspaperi loppuu kesken. pitää ostaa sitä kaapit täyteen ettei tilannetta tule vastaan ainakaan ihan joka toinen kuukausi. miten voikin olla joku niin ärsyttävää. mutta siitä saa vielä syyttää itteään. se mikä on oikeesti ihan vittuilua niin ettei pyykinpesuaine- ja huuhtelutölkkeihin voi vittu laittaa mihinlään että kumpaa ne on. takaa löytyy helvetin pienellä hyväl säkäl joku "pyykin huuhteluainetiivisteseos" [emme keksineet hienompaa sanaa helvetin yksinkertaiselle tuotteelle terv.valmistaja] mutta kyllä saa ettiä. mistä helvetistä mun pitäs tietää mikä purkki on mitäkin? merkistä ja logosta ja brändistä vai mistä? siitä et huuhteluaineita on aina myyty 'just tän tyypisissä' muovipulloissa? en ole mikään helvetin kotiäiti joka seuraisi pesuainetrendejä. mikähän olisi tehokkainta pikku-Jarkon tahraamiin housuihin...miten se Omon uusin koostumus, naapurin Pirkko sanoi että toimi hyvin kuivuneeseen räkään kyllä? vituttaa vaan että niin yksinkertaisen asian ostaminen voi olla joskus niin vaikeeta. yleensä minulla on kohtuullinen varmuus että tämä on nyt varmaan pesuaine, mutta täysi varmuus onkin vaikeampi saada, ja preferoin täyttä vitun varmuutta!! helvetti sentään. jossain vaiheessa nyt tänään alkoi vituttamaan, se tapahtui kaikki n. vartin sisällä. ja syitä keksin kyllä, mutta useimpiin en keksinyt kunnolla syyllistä ja se tuntui vituttavan vielä enemmän. on nälkä, työasiat on sekavana päässä, paperiroskikseni uusi sijainti on ihan paska, kello on aika paljon ja remontointihommia olisi aika paljon vielä... mihinkään noista en kesinyt kuin itseni. sitten löysin onneksi miehen tekemisistä jotain sanottavaa ja kaupassa käydessä vielä noi pesu/huuhteluaineet... tollasten kautta on hyvä lähteä työstämään noita ihan omia mokia sitten. kun ensin löytää jotain oikeutettua vitutusta josta voi syyttää muita. kyllä tää avautuminenkin näköjään pikkasen helpotti, tai sitten se on vaan sattumaa, hoidin samalla nälkääni.

aaaasiakas :)

näin tänään asiakasmailin töissä jonka joku oli printannut ja jättänyt pöydälleni. siinä asiakas, tai itse asiassa asiakkaan isä, kertoi että asuu *paikka kaukana helsingistä* ja oli vuodenvaihteessa käynyt täälläpäin ja olivat hankkineet hänen jälkikasvulleen joka siis asuu täällä niin Internet-yhteyden meidän yritykseltämme. nyt iskä oli tullut taas käymään ja jälkikasvu kertoi ettei Internet ollut toiminut lainkaan! siis ikinä. iskä oli mennyt reippaana johonkin kauppaan A ja ostanut jonkun random Internettiin liittyvän laitteen jotta sillä tilanne korjaantuu. no se ei korjaantunut. siitä syystä sähköposti.

montako ongelmaa tarinasta löydät, sen itsestäänselvän lisäksi että perheessä on ongelmia?? näin vaan asiakkaan postin enkä jäänyt miettimään tai selvittämään mistä netin toimimattomuus johtui mutta jos jälkikasvu on yhtä älykästä kuin vanhempansa niin minulla on muutama arvaus. yksi asia on kuitenkin varma, ostamalla joku laite, joka ei liittymässä edes voi toimia, ei ongelma ratkea. auttaisiko sitten jos vaikka olisi yhteydessä palveluntarjoajaan...tuskin! odotetaan että iskä tulee käymään :)

tähän liittyen, löytyi loistava blogi; aasiakas.net

mietin että montakohan asiakasta mulla oli tänään jotka sanoi nää maagiset sanat; "miten se nyt voi rikki olla, toimi se vielä eilenkin!". arvioisin rehellisesti että 4-7. ihan tarpeeksi monta siis. ja aina se tulee yhtä yllättyneellä, joskus jopa aggressiivisella äänensävyllä. jotkut kollegat sanovatkin siihen että "no jos se eilen toimi, niin sitten se kyllä toimii tänäänkin, ei siis hätää, kaikki toimii". en ole varma meneekö kevyt sarkasmi tuolla muodoin perille joten itse sanon useahkosti että "mutta niinhän se on että ei ne viat ennakkovaroituksella tule, tänään olet terve ja huomenna sairas, eikös?". yleensä siihen tulee vastauksesti ymmärtävää mutinaa, vaikka asiakkaan oma logiikka tuntuikin pettämättömältä, on melkein pakko todeta että minunkin sanomassani oli ehkä jotain pointtia. paitsi että tänään yksi asiakas kiisti; "ei se noin ole, kyllä tänään tietää onko huomenna terve!". öö. oikeasti, miten ton muotoilis niin että ihminen tajuis ja ilman et olis oikeesti kauheen vittumainen. haluatko että selvitän vian vai en? jos siellä on vika niin joudun ehkä lähettämään jonkun paikalle, mutta jos olet sitä mieltä että vikaa EI VOI OLLA, niin helvettiäkös tässä sitten jutellaan. no, monet (huom. etenkin keski-ikäiset ja sitä vanhemmat insinöörimiehet) ovat sitä mieltä että minun pitäisi korjata vika joka on heidän mielestään fyysisesti lähempänä minua, esim. painamalla jotain nappia. "vika on johdoissa jotka on teillä siellä!". tänään vänkäsin jonkun kanssa tästä, se jankkasi että et sinä ketään lähetä vaan korjaat tämän vian nyt!!! lopuksi myönnyin että joo, mutta tehdäänkö niin että jos vika jatkuu niin soitat uudestaan ja katsotaan sitten tilannetta uusiks, jos ei tää nyt ihan tälleen tulekaan kuntoon... huomenna kun ei edelleen toimi niin mahtaa olla vaari hyvällä tuulella. ymmärtäisin nihkeilyn vielä jotenkin jos väittäisin että vika on asiakkaalla ja käynti maksaa, mutta siihen en lähettäisi ketään, saisi korjaa ihan itse, vika on useimmiten siinä talossa jossa asiakas asuu tai niillä main. mutta että se on mahdotonta, "talokin on niin uusi!" niinpä niin... ei sitä ihan niin henk. koht tarvitse ottaa jos me haluamme korjata asennuksiamme kiinteistössä jossa asiakas asuu. mutta ei väkisin.

ei ollut mitään insinööreille vittuilua tuo insinööri-mies juttu, ihan itse siinä itselleen vittuilevat kun mainostavat jotain muinaista tutkintoa tai duuniaan. asiakkaista, jotka haluavat ammatillaan korostaa itseään ja oikeassaoloaan, suurin ryhmä kirkkaasti on insinöörit. ja needless to say että ne ovat lähes poikkeuksetta väärässä "vika EI VOI OLLA johdossa, olen insinööri!" tokana tulee lakimiehet, en tiedä pitäisikö sen sitten herättää jotain pelkoa. isommat yritykset on aika tarkkoja papereistaan ja sopimuksistaan ja joka helvetin allekirjoituksesta, en muista koska Yritys olisi todennut että "hei, toi asiakashan on oikeassa, tää meidän sopimus jonka se allekirjoitti on ihan laiton! nyt noottia sinne meidän 10-lakimiehen-tiimille että meillä on tällainen fiksu asiakas joka huomasi että...." kolmantena tulee random johtajat, eli ne tyypit joilla on yleensäkin tarve saada tahtonsa läpi ja sitten oikeasti aika paljon kaikkia ihan mitä vaan "Maija Meikäläinen, Kirjaston Arkistonhoitaja!". mitäs jos oikeesti jätettäs noi ammattinimikkeet pois näistä jutuista, niistä mitään hyötyä kellekään asiakaspalvelutilanteessa ollut...

IS:n sivuilla on miniartikkeli "mitä läkkeeitä lentopelkoon?". oikeestaan siinä vaan kysytään asiasta joltain tosi pro'lta joka esittelee pros and cons, ja toteaa lopuksi ettei mitään pitäs ottaa, että rentoutuskurssille vaan. no onneksi kaikilla on siihen lystiin varaa ja aikaa. minä sanon että rauhottavia vaan ja vodkaa perään, tai yksinkin toimivat ok. omalla vastuulla toki eikä överiksi kannata vetää! :)